joe777 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I've never been in a ldr. I recently met up with someone that lives across the country from me...i would like to pursue something with her but not sure how to begin. It seems that ldrs are popular, and doable. What's the protocol here....how's it done? Do you just call/text/email a lot? Ideally, I'd love to just talk once a week, and then maybe meet (rendezvous for long weekends, every other month or so) Does that sound realistic? We're both busy professionals...and very independent. Joe
speechiekeen Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 It all begins with communication. Ask her to visit or to meet you somewhere. If she agrees...you have officially started a LDR. From there nature will take over. If there is chemistry, you will make plans to get together again, even before you leave each other. One mistake that a LDR tried to pull on me was to define our "relationship" too early. He pulled out his planner and began to schedule phone calls and future rendezvous for months ahead. Treat a LDR like any other, by that I mean that you should not be making plans on who will move to whom, "if" the LDR goes somewhere. I mean, you would not start talking about moving in with each other in first few dates... (Or would you?) Not many people are secure enough to withstand a LDR, so be prepared for jealousy to rear its ugly head. Good luck...LDRs can be super fun.
sugarmomma Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Tell her that you want to talk on the phone once a week and "meet up" every other month or so and see what she thinks. She may tell you to kick dust or it may work for her too. Wouldn't work for me.
Els Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 'Casual' and 'LDR' are really difficult terms to bring together, IMO. What happens when you're past the 'casual' stage of dating? Or will you never be? Because 'casualness' won't prompt you to uproot to be with someone else, and that is necessary to end the distance some time or another, else it'll be pointless.
Author joe777 Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 Thanks all of you. Speech, you're response was kinda what i was hoping for. I am not anxious to move quickly and I doubt she is too. Like I said we are both independent- with strong personalities (her more so then me) I just know she is amazing, and don't want to let her get too far. Sugar, I am even afraid to do your suggestions...I don't want to scare her off. I feel like that is even a little aggressive. Then again, I do want to be open and let her know I am very interested in her...and interested in being more then friends. Do the rest of you think sugars suggestion is too aggressive? Elswyth, Do all relationships have to move forward? (I am not being sarcastic) I have children already, she does not...and does not want any of her own. I just want her to be a part of my life, not every part of my life. I am happy to be alone physically. Spending my time focused on my young children, and my career (which is not a real career-kinda. i am an artist) It would be nice have someone like her who "gets-me". She is witty & quick, compassionate & passionate...she's sexy & smart & bold, all that i am wanting. she, to me is like a drug or alcohol....just enough is perfect, too much would be bad. We dated 20 years ago...and just met again last weekend. I haven't followed up other then a simple email or two sending pictures from the weekend. I want to call but have not....
speechiekeen Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Wow, this sounds familiar...do I know you? I agree, let it happen naturally. If you propose rules or expectations at the beginning it sets up unnecessary boundaries that may be one sided. The two of you need to make the rules up as you go. You may not want a lot now, and that can change. You know...drugs can be addicting. But nothing will happen if you don't ask. So be bold, quick, make the first move. Text, call whatever, just do it.
Author joe777 Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 (speech don't scare me like that that.... if you tell me you went outta town last weekend to meet your old bf....well then I'll really be freaked out...) Yes, I was really hoping to make the rules as we go....okay, so I'll call in a couple of days. In the meantime, I'll work on my boldness!
sugarmomma Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 There was a bit of sarcasm in my response. I think that you should find out what type of r she would be comfortable with and don't lead her on. A lot of women won't settle for FWB or casual flings these days and some will. Just be honest with her about what you want.
Els Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 It's not about too much, hon - it's about the fact that eventually you'll both be tired of having to take a plane ride whenever you feel like spending a little time with the other person. If you truly intend to remain in this 'see each other every 2 months' phase indefinitely though, you should tell her this point-blank so she isn't misled.
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