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Posted

My ex of over 3 years and I ended things in late 2008 (very long time ago!), and I (foolishly and painfully) tried to do the friends things for about a year before going NC for the past 5 months. I told her I needed to go NC if she had no intentions of reconciling, which she said she did not.

 

Over the last five months, I saw her about 1-2x a month business related but she was very pissed and short with me each time because of my decision to go NC. Sometimes she would refuse to even look at me.

 

Fast foward to last week, I was at her office for business and stopped and talked. It was great conversation and I decided to ask her to go to lunch sometime, but I wasn't sure if she would even want to talk to me. Much to my surprise, she said yes and suggested the next day. Not only did we have a great time, we talked at lenght, went out the next night and we are back together.

 

I write this to share what she said. So many times posters wonder what their exes are thinking and we very rarely ever know. She said that not a day went by that she didn't think of me and she did not stop loving me and still does. She did not contact me over the last five months because I told her not to.

 

She thought about contacting me all the time but was respecting my wishes for NC. She now understands that I was protecting myself with NC because she was urging friendship when I wanted more. Please note, this may only be how my ex felt and may not be how your ex might feel.

 

More importantly, though, I also write this to urge NC. It detaches you from a painful situation, lets you work on yourself and forces your ex to see what their missing. My story is without question the exception and it still may not work out. We still have things to work out.

 

But my advice is to go NC upon a break, do not try to be friends and keep an open mind. There might be a right time and place to reinitiate contact when you have worked things out on your end and your ex may be open to that in the future. Even if things did not or do not work out, I am better off for the NC time. NC is always your best friend!

Posted
My ex of over 3 years and I ended things in late 2008 (very long time ago!), and I (foolishly and painfully) tried to do the friends things for about a year before going NC for the past 5 months. I told her I needed to go NC if she had no intentions of reconciling, which she said she did not.

 

Over the last five months, I saw her about 1-2x a month business related but she was very pissed and short with me each time because of my decision to go NC. Sometimes she would refuse to even look at me.

 

Fast foward to last week, I was at her office for business and stopped and talked. It was great conversation and I decided to ask her to go to lunch sometime, but I wasn't sure if she would even want to talk to me. Much to my surprise, she said yes and suggested the next day. Not only did we have a great time, we talked at lenght, went out the next night and we are back together.

 

I write this to share what she said. So many times posters wonder what their exes are thinking and we very rarely ever know. She said that not a day went by that she didn't think of me and she did not stop loving me and still does. She did not contact me over the last five months because I told her not to.

 

She thought about contacting me all the time but was respecting my wishes for NC. She now understands that I was protecting myself with NC because she was urging friendship when I wanted more. Please note, this may only be how my ex felt and may not be how your ex might feel.

 

More importantly, though, I also write this to urge NC. It detaches you from a painful situation, lets you work on yourself and forces your ex to see what their missing. My story is without question the exception and it still may not work out. We still have things to work out.

 

But my advice is to go NC upon a break, do not try to be friends and keep an open mind. There might be a right time and place to reinitiate contact when you have worked things out on your end and your ex may be open to that in the future. Even if things did not or do not work out, I am better off for the NC time. NC is always your best friend!

 

What a great story. Thanks for sharing it.

Posted

mmk, I'm glad to see that you have a second chance with your ex...and you're right, NC is the ONLY way to go after a breakup...

 

But I do want to caution LS members...true NC success stories are those where you implemented NC and eventually completely moved on from your ex and found someone that was even better for you...that's real success when it comes to NC...

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Posted

USM, I believe you are generally correct about finding someone new is best but not always. Each person has to decide what's right for them.

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