xpaperxcutx Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Work on your confidence. I think you're really cute so be confident in yourself.
marsle85 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Sorry man, but if you need to reassurance of a bunch of strangers on a message board to instill a reasonable level of self esteem - you have some serious confidence problems. I know! Registering on an interpersonal relationship based website is completely normal- but asking questions on it? Crossing a line.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 I know! Registering on an interpersonal relationship based website is completely normal- but asking questions on it? Crossing a line. Um, also starting to be aware of that...
marsle85 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Um, also starting to be aware of that... I think we're all a little crazy. Luckily that keeps things EXCITING.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 I think we're all a little crazy. Luckily that keeps things EXCITING. Oh, well, everybody fights their own demons from the past... this way or another...
BobSacamento Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 The way I look at it if you are in the mindset of your looks are the problem then you are being defensive. Not to say you shouldn't make sure your presentable. But if you keep in shape, dress well, have a steady job and have your own place, you should really be on the offensive. Get out there and find a woman worthy of a catch. At least that's how I look at it.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 Ok. To end the thread... As I think of it - the described insecurity comes with the profession/job (I'm a research mathematician). It's like - if you know A and B this implies C or if you have certain assumptions/facts there is only so much (or so little) you can prove (do) with it. So - my original question originates from that - I just wanted/want to know where I stand. Since physical appearance (facial treats) is virtually impossible to change (not talking about body shape - this one I know is okay) - just wanted to know what am I working here with... Oh, my... I'm so screwed up there... :lmao: Thanks everyone for your replies!
mrkleen Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I know! Registering on an interpersonal relationship based website is completely normal- but asking questions on it? Crossing a line. Asking for advice on a relationship issue is VERY DIFFERENT, than asking for some kind of personal approval. He didnt say, check out my outfit and tell me what you would change - or here is my plan for a first date with this new girl, what do you guys think. He is basically asking for strangers to inflate define his self worth - and I think that indicates that he has some deeper issues to work on. He just acknowledged that, and for that I respect him. But if you cant see the difference between asking for advice and asking to have your ego stroked, I dont know what to tell you.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 But if you cant see the difference between asking for advice and asking to have your ego stroked, I dont know what to tell you. Oh, no no, I see the difference! I know exactly what I've done and that was my intention from the get-go.
mrkleen Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I know exactly what I've done and that was my intention from the get-go. And that makes it worse.
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Lakeside runner, everyone needs external validation once in awhile, so don't feel bad about that. As long as you're not throwing up a thread a week, looking for people to ooh and ahhhh about your looks, it's all good. If you feel you need to work on your confidence, then yes, more than likely you do. But one thing's for certain. Based on what we know of your traits, there's no reason to lack confidence. Part of confidence is the ability to relax and be yourself, since you're comfortable with yourself.
mrt336 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I understand his position. I've been called "hot" and "cute" and "not bad to look at," but I never take it seriously. I've had girls yell "hey cutie!" while they were pulling out of a parking spot, but again, you just can't take that seriously haha. When girls get together they'll do anything for fun. I think I'm a bit above average in looks, but "hot?" No, I wouldn't say that. I bartend, girls that work with me have no qualms about talking about who they think is hot or cute or whatever and I never hear it about myself, so I have no evidence in my favor haha. Plus I only ever get random numbers from cougars, ahem, distinguished middle aged ladies. I definitely think it's a lot easier for a girl to know how attractive she is than for a guy. Girls might look and whisper to their friends and smile, but guys will go right up to a pretty girl and tell her she's attractive.
marsle85 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 (edited) Asking for advice on a relationship issue is VERY DIFFERENT, than asking for some kind of personal approval. He didnt say, check out my outfit and tell me what you would change - or here is my plan for a first date with this new girl, what do you guys think. He is basically asking for strangers to inflate define his self worth - and I think that indicates that he has some deeper issues to work on. He just acknowledged that, and for that I respect him. But if you cant see the difference between asking for advice and asking to have your ego stroked, I dont know what to tell you. Well, there's no need to insult my intelligence... I understand the difference between the two, however I think they're linked. I don't see how his question makes him any more inferior than any other poster here. Looks are only a part of self worth. Others include: intelligence, emotional capability, confidence, etc. Currently there's a thread about "Who should pay?" Isn't that evaluating the self worth of the individual? When a poster asks "Do you think she likes me?" That's not having your ego stroked? That's not asking for personal approval? Both Lakeside and the poster in question are uncertain about assets of their self-worth. Both are asking for approval/advice and should be taken seriously. I think it's easier to critique someone for caring about their looks... when in reality, attraction is the foundation of many relationships. His question is totally valid and related to this forum. Edited March 22, 2010 by marsle85
gypsy_nicky Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I seriously think the OP is getting candy coated answers. (You will not get honest answers unless the people remain anonymous, because your breaking a social norm) When the people here say above average, what range might the op be in?? OP, you look like john hannah, that dude in "The Mummy". He plays Brendan Frasiers brother in law.
Johnny M Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I seriously think the OP is getting candy coated answers. (You will not get honest answers unless the people remain anonymous, because your breaking a social norm) When the people here say above average, what range might the op be in?? By North American standards, I'd say he's a 7 (with 5 being the average). You have to remember that the average person here weighs 300 lbs and cannot even walk from his car to the inside of a McDonald's (which is why they invented drive throughs).
Rudderless Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 (edited) You are a mathematician? If q is "i am attractive" and p is "people on a forum think I'm attractive" then p can only be false because no-one is making a judgement of your attraction level, they are making a judgement on what they think might be your attraction level given a single picture you've posted. Therefore since p implies q you have a vacuous proof [] What you need a direct proof. If p is "this person finds me attractive" then the point of dating is to go out and find a situation where p holds true. Edited March 22, 2010 by Rudderless
Knittress Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 mrt336, I don't necessarily agree with you that it's easier for a woman to tell if she's attractive (or to what degree) due to the male tendency to scope/approach/honk enthusiastically at everyone, depending on their mood. The bar is definitely not as high...
desertmoon Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 so lakeside runner, where do you run again? thought I should accidentally run into you sometime soon ! My horoscope today says I am going to meet an attractive lakeside runner in the very near future!
SilkRose Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Yeah, I did the whole hotornot.com thing - but I don't think it's objective in any ways... I know it's a very shallow questions but... so? Any thoughts how to answer it? The fact that your asking this question may be part of the problem, it really expresses insecurity. Everyone's attractive to a degree. But no matter what you look like, it's about how you carry yourself and if you have minty fresh breath, a good-looking guy with bad breath... It's not attractive...as I discovered when one asked me out. He was so polite, so I politely said I was in a relationship... Anyway judging my your pic, you're an attractive guy. Work on the confidence, develop yourself as a person, be nice to women and hopefully you'll meet someone who is lovely.
mrkleen Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Well, there's no need to insult my intelligence... I understand the difference between the two, however I think they're linked. Fair enough…sorry if you felt I did that. That was not my intention. I don't see how his question makes him any more inferior than any other poster here. Looks are only a part of self worth. Others include: intelligence, emotional capability, confidence, etc. Currently there's a thread about "Who should pay?" Isn't that evaluating the self worth of the individual? Asking who should pay has NOTHING to do with self worth – it is all about values and morals and where you see your role as a man or woman. Not even close to asking “do you think I am good looking” Think about it for a second. If you met a man in a bar and you were talking for a while and he pulled out a picture of two cars and asked which you liked more – or said I need an opinion on where to go on vacation Jamaica or Hawaii….those are completely harmless, valid questions that have nothing to do with self worth and everything to do with wanting an opinion. You would probably be engaged in the conversation even more at that point. But if he instead asked “so, do you think I am cute enough to keep talking to you” or “I am not sure if I am really attractive” – I guarantee you would be instantly turned off and consider him to be insecure. Again, there is a BIG difference between seeking advice and seeking outward approval from strangers.
Recommended Posts