Broke up and depressed

[SPEric566]

Hello everyone. Well I am here once again for some answers and help regarding my situation. This has been a good forum for me to come to for help. I met a wonderful girl, definately the best I had in my life, about nine months ago. We hit it off good the first few months initially. After about three months, I was going to a school for a career that I decided was not for me and I ended up failing out. Although I know there are other things I can do the feelings of letting down, failure, etc. overwhelmed me and changed me into a bitter negative person.

I was at the point where I did not show love or affection for her and as she put it, the last six months were almost as if we were just friends. A week ago she finally decided to break it off and told me it was friends or nothing. This gave me a big wake up call and I have been doing a major makeover on my ways of thinking and personality. I saw her yesterday and we had fun. I held feelings inside and just had fun. But no matter what I did, at the end of the night I was told the same thing.

Here is my issue: She says she wants me in her life as a friend and will miss me a lot if I am not in it. But since our relationship was pretty much friends to begin with, she has lost the spark in it. When I asked if there was ever a chance after I got my act together she said she was not removing all possibility of a future relationship but right now she does not want a relationship. She is generally a positive person and my negativity dragged her down with me. I've seen her on an online dating sight and I know she is talking to someone new. She says she is looking for new friends and not to jump into dating just yet, but I don't know what to believe. During the relationship I did many things for her..helped her through a medical procedure on her foot, got her a puppy, etc. I don't know if some of this is over the guilt of that and that is why she keeps me around. Right now I am staying friends because of my feelings and wanting that chance. If I lose that chance I may fade away from her and move on based on my current feelings.

I love this girl and want to know what to expect from this. She did say if I became a positive person and got my life together there is a "chance" because she does not tell the future. It depends on me and what I do to fix my life. She said if she starts to have fun around me again she might get a spark again and we can work towards a relationship again. My questions are: Is there a way to save this? If I went from relationship to friends, is there ever a chance to get a spark back after time? Does she still have feelings or am I doomed to the friend stage? What are my chances of really getting back with her realistically? She says she knows I am a great guy and how fast I can get my life together will determine if we have any chance of a future. Is this true or something that is just a false hope to keep me in the friend category and keep me around because of guilt? Keep in mind she knows I never cheated or did anything bad like that. If I really want to win her back what can I do? Or am I totally out of luck now? Should I give up and break away so time can heal me or stay in an emotional game trying to fight for this? Any help with this would be great.

 

Now on to other issues which reinforce the above problems. I have no problem admitting faults and any help members may have or advice would be great. I have some confidence issues. I know I am not bad looking at all and have managed to get quite a few girls. I have no problem in the beginning getting to know them, making them laugh, etc. It is when I go to the next stage.

After a month or so, I get my confidence issues. I start to wonder if they really think I am all that. I start feeling if they think they could do better When I fell for her and loved her I never told her because I was afraid of looking like I was saying it too early or freaking her out. In the past, I would get girls but some friends would laugh and say I was the non-completer because I would not finish what I started. I had issues of wondering what she would think if I made a move on her or wanted to be intimate. Even though I know she is obviously with me for a reason, I still get fear. Almost like I am not secure with my body or capabilities.

These insecurities combined with my negativity above created me into a person who wanted to be intimate so bad with her, but the arguments started from my negativity and the way I was gloomy or "woe is me" attitude prevented me from being myself and acting on it. Is there a way to conquer these issues? Is this a psychological thing and is there ways to improve this? I just need help finding myself and getting my life back together and happy. Thanks for any advice.

Edited March 21, 2010 by SPEric566
Added question

[bubbles5]

woof quite lengthy post. Anyways I understand that once u fail to achieve something that u work so hard for u eventually get negative person.Dont let ur negativity take away ur relation.She must have been terribly hurt bcos of ur behaviour b4 n thats not ur fault it was situation.And if in future if u r going to face negative sitution u will surely bcome bitter n cold. So this mightb worrying her. She is thats why behaving bitterly to u just bcos u didnt behave well b4.She wants to b ur frnd so try to IMPROVE ON YOUR FRNDSHIP. Spend some quality time with her, check ou what she likes n dislikes, ask her out . Be normal dont throw all ur frustation over her she will get scared or bitter to u. Hang on with frnds n then once things move properly tell ur feelings to her, n if she rejects u then just accept it n tell her could she b still same n b frnds.