johnc09 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 About 3 years ago I had thought I had fallen in love with a coworker. I ended up pursuing her twice in the following year. The first time being gently rejected, and the second time straight out told no. At the time I was going through a rough period in my life. I was drinking constantly and my general mental state of mind was out of whack. I could not imagine myself without this woman in my life. I was devastated after the 2nd rejection (but kept my professional composure during the whole incident) but deep down I was badly hurt. Over the next year I managed to pull myself together, met the real woman of my dreams and now happily engaged to get married later this year. The girl I was pursuing is now asking me to go out with her some night for bowling / pool. This girl is very reserved and in fact almost complete opposite of me. She is devout born again christian, very reserved and shy girl. In general she is usually busy being a servant of God and involved with her church. I think this is one of the reasons I fell for her, because I saw someone who I thought was so pure and good while I was going through those troubling times in my life. I have only been to church honestly about 10 times my entire life. Yet to this day I still find myself thinking about her *occasionally* even though I know we are complete opposites and it would have never worked out in the first place. Lately I have been thinking of her less and less, until she just asked me out. Why would she now start asking me to go out with her? Is it strictly a friendship thing? Is she interested in more? WE were pretty good acquaintances before I pursued her (we never hung out outside of work but I was probably only 1 out of a handful of people at work she would even have an extended conversation with). We had hardly talked to each other over the course of the last 2 years but lately I noticed she has been much more friendly towards me. I had to be in a meeting with her on Friday, and after the meeting we had a brief discussion about life in general and out of the blue she asked for my phone number. I was shocked by this and I gave it to her (I shouldnt have but I was so shocked and didnt know what to say). She then proceeds to call the number while joking to the effect "this isnt some fake number you give out so that I cant call you is it"? I think it was just so that she knew I had her number and if I were interested I would have to make the first call. I love my fiancee with all my heart and I would never cheat on her, and it was a mistake to even give the other woman my number. But this is bringing back so many bad memories for me and I dont know what to do. I never told my fiancee about this girl because I didnt want her to worry about what I was doing at work, knowing I had at one point feelings for a coworker. Why would she show interest in me now? As far as I know, I dont think she knows I am engaged although she could have found out from someone else I guess. I guess I am just wondering why now? Why after all this time would she ask me out? For her being so shy I know it must have taken a lot of guts for her to have asked me out in the first place, especially with what happened in the past. Obviously if I upset her it could potentially cause some tension at work. So I guess I am not sure what to do in this situation. Should I just act like nothing happened? Sorry for such a long post, but I think it is helpful in this situation to know the background of what happened.
seibert253 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Respectfully thank her for the invite, then tell her you are engaged and you don't feel that going out, or doing anything with her outside of work is proper or respectful toward your fiance'. Then leave it at that. IMO I would tell your fiance' what has transpired, and that you used to have feelings toward this girl. Your fiance' may be hurt at first, but will ultimately respect you for being honest with her. You need some type of acountabilty at work toward this other girl. Otherwise something improper and bad may develop out of your feelings toward her.
D-Lish Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 In general she is usually busy being a servant of God and involved with her church. I think this is one of the reasons I fell for her, because I saw someone who I thought was so pure and good Does she know you have a fiance?
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