PDPullmn612 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Hey guys, I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I have a friend, Hannah, who I've know for almost 4 years. Me and her are pretty good friends. Back in December, me and her hooked up on her brithday. Nothing serious, just kissed. After that nothing else happened and between then and now she started dating someone. However, last Wednesday over spring break we ended up hooking up again. Nothing too serious, just kissed and cuddled. Unfortunately, she had a boy friend. I know a lot of you are probably thinking how terrible I am for hooking up with her while she has a boyfriend. I do feel bad, but at the same time I don't. The day after we were talking and she agreed with me that it was somewhat mutual. Well ever since then I've been thinking a lot about what happened and I'm starting to develop feeling for her. What happened that night felt right for whatever reason. Anyway, we got into talking about it, but since she has a boyfriend it didn't go very far. Basically, she told me that she has thought about us dating ever since her birthday back in December. However, since she has a boyfriend nothing is going to happen. Obviously! She has been very confusing towards me. She gives me the impression that she does and doesn't have feelings for me. She has told me that she agrees with me on how that night felt right and what not but that now is not the time. She also has said to me that maybe after we graduate that something can happen, but right now she isn't looking for something serious. So I don't really know what else to make of this right now. I am definitely starting to develop some feelings for her. Anyway, what do you guys think? Might she have some feelings for me? Maybe she is confused? I've just been really confused. If you guys need anymore details let me know and I'll post them. I was just trying to keep this as short as possible. Thanks in advance.
engravefeelthevoid Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 that's messed up bro...i hate confusion in relationships...happened to me before...bt i think u should do the 0/1 principle...u either go for it or u dont...talk to her about it and get a sure answer
Author PDPullmn612 Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 (edited) Yea, well she has told me that she isn't planning on leaving him right now or anything so...I think as of right now that's confirmation. She is just confusing. Maybe she doesn't know what she wants. Wish I could read minds, that would be nice. Any more thoughts? Edited March 21, 2010 by PDPullmn612
engravefeelthevoid Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 don't u think that life is sometimes unfair ? I mean that talk of it wasnt meant to be and it was for the better...we all look for fulfillment... I believe in fighting for the one u want...theres one person worth fighting for...i'm gona fight...
ADF Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Honestly? It sounds to me like you two are both very immature people who should probably grow up a little before you contemplate having serious relationships with each other or with anyone else. The dead giveaway is how you say you "ended up" hooking up with each other. No one "ends up" doing something like that. They CHOOSE to do it. The fact you talk about having "ended up" doing X, Y, and Z tells me you haven't yet learned to take responsibility for your actions. I predict lots and lots of drama if you guys get together, mostly growing out of infidelity.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 She is using you as fun on the side. If she wanted a relationship with you she could always leave her bf but she has choose not to. If you have strong feelings for her this situation can turn painful for you so I would advise you to look for another girl.
Author PDPullmn612 Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 ATF, I wouldn't consider myself immature when it comes to dating. I'm 21 years old and have had 3 relationships ranging from 9 months long to a year and a half long. So, I'd like to think I've been doing something right . On the other hand, I worded the sentence wrong. It didn't really just happen. We both agreed after that it was a mutual thing, so there was obviously some choice involved. TouchedByViolet, I'd like to think that isn't the case. We have been friends for a long time. We know each other extremely well. With that in mind, I'd like to think that she wouldn't lead me on to hurt me. And knowing her so well makes it hard for me to believe that she would do that. Any one have any other thoughts?
phineas Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 she has a boyfriend. She made out with you. She doesn't plan on leaving him. She really doesn't sound like that good a friend to me. This will probably end badly. Tell her to call you when she is single. Otherwise you are going to end up sleeping with her & her still not leaving her boyfriend. Do you really want to be in that situation.
Author PDPullmn612 Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 (edited) No I do not wanna be in that situation. I'm not making a huge deal of it. And definitely not worrying about it too much. Its kinda like whatever happens happens. I'm definitely not gonna get stuck in a bad situation. I won't let myself In addition, she considers me one of her oldest college friends so I know either way things are gonna be fine. Even if nothing happens I'm not gonna ruin a good long friendship by being ignorant. Edited March 21, 2010 by PDPullmn612
Author PDPullmn612 Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 Also, understand that I'm not in love with her or anything. I'm just starting to develop feelings for her. So, as long as I can just start to forget about it I'll be alright. I definitely do not want to detroy a friendship over this. It would not be worth it right now. Any other thoughts? Just curious!
boogieboy Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Theres no real friendship here because youre hoping something wil come out of this. But she knows she doesnt want anything with you, but shes not telling you, shes trying to tell you shes not interested "the nice way" - which was "Maybe after graduation". SHes not looking for something serious WITH YOU, but she is loking for something serious with her bf. See how that works? Leave her alone now, not only is she not a good friend, sincfe shes lying to you, but you will continue to develop feelings for her while youre around her. Stop talking to her entirely until after you get a gf that is actually into you. Then you will see her for who she really is
Author PDPullmn612 Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 (edited) Leave her alone now, not only is she not a good friend, sincfe shes lying to you, but you will continue to develop feelings for her while youre around her. Stop talking to her entirely until after you get a gf that is actually into you. Then you will see her for who she really is Thanks. I'm not too worried. I kinda got caught up in the whole situation more than I probably needed to anyway. Its hard for me to think like that cause I've known her for so long and I'd like to think she wouldn't just be leading me on or anything. Knowing her, I feel like she would just tell me straight up that nothing would ever happen. Not that I'm thinking this way as I am definitely not getting any hopes up or anything. It's just weird to me that she would say "maybe after graduation" (which obviously shows she wants nothing like that with me now), but then she goes and says stuff about how she has thought about us dating and all that stuff. In addition, my room mate told me that he had a conversation with her when I wasn't around and he was telling me how she sees me as the kinda guys that she would date more seriously and be with for a while and that she didn't want that right now. That's also confusing because if she really didn't like me at all I don't know why she would be talking to my room mate about it. Who knows. Oh well! Maybe someone on here can help make sense of it. As for my feelings, they aren't anything serious and I think I'd be able to be alright around her. In fact, I just saw her earlier today and things were fine. I was fine. With that said, I'm not too worried about it. In addition, I've been in a very similar situation before and things turned out just fine. I didn't end up dating this other girl, but we stayed friends and my feelings eventually passed. In fact, me and her are still friends till this day. So, I'm not stressing over it. As far as me hoping that something will happen, maybe I am a little, but I'm definitely not expecting anything to happen. Nor am I expecting it to happen in the future. I find with this type of stuff its almost easier to just let it go and things will be good. She obviously doesn't want anything with me right now or even later, so I'm not even gonna bother worrying about it. Edited March 22, 2010 by PDPullmn612
boogieboy Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Knowing her, I feel like she would just tell me straight up that nothing would ever happen. She, probably like all platonic relationships, wont tell you straight up that nothing would happen, because she thinks you will bail, and she'll lose you as a friend. She thinks your friendship is based on this. maybe. Theres no reason for her to come to you since you already made out a few times, so leave her alone, and if she wants something to happen, she'll make it clear. Youre not sweating it, so forget about her for now.
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