jjhart Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 (edited) this is what i wrote obviously i attempted to remove her name, bear in mind i am a terrible writer.... Its been a while now L%$#%, and I have had a lot of time to think things over. I wanted to say a few things. I loved you. I didn’t say it enough, but I did say it. I loved you. But you already knew that. We dated for a long time L$#$#%, and I wish I could say you did feel the same about me, or at least at one point during our time together maybe you did feel the same. I don’t know, because that wasn’t clear to me. We didn’t talk enough about the important things L$%$##, and that is on both of us. That could have been fixed though. I wish it could have been fixed. I wish we could have talked. I tried. I did, I am just not good at it, and maybe neither were you. L$%$##, you were important to me you knew that, and yes, you hurt me, but you had to see that coming. What I do not understand and will not ever understand, is why you did not want to let me into your life, when I so completely let you into mine. I don’t get it. I wish I knew what was going through your head all those times you were cutting me out. I cant think of a good reason why you would do that. I took you at your word, when we were dating, when you told me “I have a hard time letting people into my life”, and i was very understanding of that. It was more than that, but I didn’t trust my gut, I trusted you. I want to understand, I try to put myself in your shoes. Its clear your family and friends know very little about me, they don’t know you met my family, friends, etc. I cant believe that I accepted that for that long. When it was clear you were not going to let me in, L$%$##, I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong, why you weren’t letting me in. Did you think this would not affect things b/w you and me? How could I keep letting you in, keep sticking my neck out for you, when you couldn’t take one step towards me? I would have been ecstatic, if I had met your family. God, I would have been happy… I would have been happy if I met anybody. Met anyone who knew I existed beyond the people I already knew in your life… Maybe you thought they wouldn’t like me, maybe you thought they would like me…. I don’t know…. I wish I did… I wish I knew at some point I was important to you, then maybe things would be different. I believe they would have been. I loved you, I am not sorry for that. You didn’t feel the same way, but if that was the case, we should not have dated as long as we did, if you saw nothing in it. Guess i should have seen that red flag............................... This is only part of what i wrote. But its the important parts i guess. My latest relationship didnt work out, probably because i am not over the one i am writing about above yet. I still think about her everyday. I burned the letter. but the thoughts/feelings are still there. This isnt healthy, i have to get over this one, but i dont know how, and its possibly screwing up opportunities with other women. I try not to look at her facebook,(defriended, but somehow still have access), i threw out all her pictures, i got rid of eveything i could. I almost took another job just to get away, but i thought i was taking it for the wrong reasons. I wish i could do it all over again, do it differently, push back when i shoudl have. I have been replaying that in my head alot. Not sure how to go forward from here. its been 5 months, i should be able to move on. Edited March 21, 2010 by jjhart
bubbles5 Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 You have very strong feelings for ur ex, I think meet her up have a communication tell her ur feelings either u wil get hurt n stop thinking or who knows may be she will take u bak in her life. Go n meet her ask her out , You feel for her ..
hopesndreams Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 You are doing all the right things except for one. Do not even think about other women at this time. Give yourself more time to grieve the loss, work on you, so that when a woman does enter into your life, you would be ready. As long as your ex is taking up residence in your head, no one, no one will be able to boot her out. That has to be done, by you.
Author jjhart Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 You have very strong feelings for ur ex, I think meet her up have a communication tell her ur feelings either u wil get hurt n stop thinking or who knows may be she will take u bak in her life. Go n meet her ask her out , You feel for her .. I tried to talk to her about a month after it ended, and i was way too emotional yet and it didnt go well. I didnt go about it the right way, and i dont think there is much of a chance she would talk to me. I wasnt mean or anything, but it was a mistake to talk to her. She does not have feelings for me anymore. I want so badly to talk to her again..
Author jjhart Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 You are doing all the right things except for one. Do not even think about other women at this time. Give yourself more time to grieve the loss, work on you, so that when a woman does enter into your life, you would be ready. As long as your ex is taking up residence in your head, no one, no one will be able to boot her out. That has to be done, by you. Your right, i know that i need to do that. I need to take her off this pedestal i have her on. I thought dating someone else would help me realize there were more people out there for me. I just need to get her out of my head, so i can do that. I wish i could, i cared for her a great deal, and its harder to get her out of my head than anyone before.
monkeymaid Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 i know how you feel., ...im right here with you! i wAS with a girl for 1 year, seperated for 4 months, got back together, then 11 months later, we are apart again. from what i have gathered on the boards here, we have to center our selves. ...exercise of some sort to get our endorphins flowing. that makes us feel good for at least a little bit, find a hobby which keeps our minds busy when we have down time. ...its a chore, but force yourself to improve on something. if we force our minds to focus on something other than the ex, we are slowly going to move away from the thoughts of the ex and replace them with new thoughts about ANYTHING else. i know its hard as hell. but i think when we feel like we are worth more than our ex thinks we are worth, then we can move on, and they have no more power.
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