Philetus Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 (edited) I'm a 43-year old recently separated man. I don't know if that's relevant but the reason I'm posting is that I got invited to a sex party. I have to say I'm very intrigued by this because what man wouldn't be? One main reason (other than the obvious) is that since the end of my 20-year marriage, I've been trying to say, 'yes' to any kind of new experience. But, I'm conflicted about this one. The main reason I'm hesitant is that I don't know what to expect. Can anyone who's been to one tell me about their experience both pro and con? Edited March 21, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 I got invited to a sex party. Did everyone else using your e-mail server get invited to the same sex party?
Not the love ace Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Well, you're just going to have to see for yourself. Nothing ventured nothing gained. There's plenty of things in life that we wouldn't expect so I suggest just going, test the waters and if you like it stay, if you don't, the boogie.
CarrieT Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 (edited) If you don't think you would be uncomfortable being completely naked and performing in front of a dozen strangers, than I say go for it. What can you expect? You will discover that a bunch of 40-somethings all together in a room -- naked -- is not nearly as attractive or sensual as you think. Expect to see some very over-weight, unattractive people getting very sexual. It is not, in any way, what you see in porn. Also -- something that is hard to describe -- is the smell. A lot of sweaty bodies producing sexual juices and using various commercial lubes is an aroma that will stick with you in your memory for a long time. Some find it very arousing while many find it rather disgusting. Edited March 21, 2010 by CarrieT
Rearden Metal Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 If you don't think you would be uncomfortable being completely naked and performing in front of a dozen strangers, than I say go for it. What can you expect? You will discover that a bunch of 40-somethings all together in a room -- naked -- is not nearly as attractive or sensual as you think. Expect to see some very over-weight, unattractive people getting very sexual. It is not, in any way, what you see in porn. Also -- something that is hard to describe -- is the smell. A lot of sweaty bodies producing sexual juices and using various commercial lubes is an aroma that will stick with you in your memory for a long time. Some find it very arousing while many find it rather disgusting. If I ever had any desire to do this, you just killed it!
Scottdmw Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I'm sorry to hear about your separation. I know how painful it was when my 3.5 year relationship ended, and I can only imagine how much worse it would be after so long. I do think it's good to be open to new experiences at this time, however, I'm not so sure that a sex party is really the best thing. It might be able to distract you momentarily from your pain, but I really doubt that after you walk out the door you will feel any better long term. I never went to any sex parties but I did do some things along the same lines to try to recover, and my experience was that it didn't help at all or even made it worse. I would definitely suggest doing a bit of research on STDs--condoms offer some level of protection but are not perfect, for example they only provide limited protection against HPV, which is a very common illness these days. I would imagine it would be even more common among the population that might attend sex parties. When I was in great pain from breaking up, the things that comforted me the most were when I could do things that seemed like they were productive, somehow making other people's lives or my life better. I thought a lot about the idea of activities that put positive energy into my life. I went back to working on learning piano after many years away, and it's turned into a great blessing in my life, something good that came out of such a painful experience. Best wishes, Scott
CarrieT Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 If I ever had any desire to do this, you just killed it! For some overtly-sexual people, what I described is not a bad thing; they are happy having sex with whatever and whomever they can. The Squirt-Master I was seeing last year is that way -- he is such a hedonist that he gets off on just having lots of sexual experiences. This goes hand-in-hand with being EXTREMELY comfortable with yourself and your sexuality. One has to have no inhibitions whatsoever in what he/she might be willing to do, but at least no inhibitions in what he/she is willing to SEE. If you go to a sex party, you can't get all stupid if you see two guys touching each other; sometimes it happens. People get carried away and at sex parties, sometimes folks will go to an extreme that they might not ever do at other times because they get carried away with the situation. So a first-timer is bound to be surprised by how blatantly open it is. One thing I started doing before I went to my first party, was to simply to people watch in my day-to-day life and imagine what every person you see might be like naked and doing the dirty; there are folks you can NEVER imagine as being remotely interesting or sexual, but these are the same folks who might show up at a party. That simple task is a great way to prepare yourself for a sex party as they are not all the Beautiful People -- they are Everyday People.
Rearden Metal Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Yeah... I guess my standards are pretty high. I stay in good shape and look great naked , and do my best to sleep with only others who fit that bill, lol. What you described does not sound appealing. Gimme 2 or 3 hot females and I'll call that a party.
Author Philetus Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 If you don't think you would be uncomfortable being completely naked and performing in front of a dozen strangers, than I say go for it. What can you expect? You will discover that a bunch of 40-somethings all together in a room -- naked -- is not nearly as attractive or sensual as you think. Expect to see some very over-weight, unattractive people getting very sexual. It is not, in any way, what you see in porn. Also -- something that is hard to describe -- is the smell. A lot of sweaty bodies producing sexual juices and using various commercial lubes is an aroma that will stick with you in your memory for a long time. Some find it very arousing while many find it rather disgusting. Hi Carrie - thanks for the honest response. What you describe is what I expected (minus the smell but it makes sense). I think I'm gonna pass on it for now. This Monday the same woman who invited me to the sex party is taking me to a clothing-optional mixed sauna. I'll see how that goes first. One big reason why I'm passing is because I'm dating the woman who invited me and I don't think I'm ready to watch her having sex with someone else. It's hard to overcome 20 years of ingrained monogamy in a couple of months. Since my separation, I'm ready for all kinds of new experiences but that one seems too far. Again thanks. You helped make my decision easier.
Author Philetus Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 I'm sorry to hear about your separation. I know how painful it was when my 3.5 year relationship ended, and I can only imagine how much worse it would be after so long. I do think it's good to be open to new experiences at this time, however, I'm not so sure that a sex party is really the best thing. It might be able to distract you momentarily from your pain, but I really doubt that after you walk out the door you will feel any better long term. I never went to any sex parties but I did do some things along the same lines to try to recover, and my experience was that it didn't help at all or even made it worse. I would definitely suggest doing a bit of research on STDs--condoms offer some level of protection but are not perfect, for example they only provide limited protection against HPV, which is a very common illness these days. I would imagine it would be even more common among the population that might attend sex parties. When I was in great pain from breaking up, the things that comforted me the most were when I could do things that seemed like they were productive, somehow making other people's lives or my life better. I thought a lot about the idea of activities that put positive energy into my life. I went back to working on learning piano after many years away, and it's turned into a great blessing in my life, something good that came out of such a painful experience. Best wishes, Scott Thanks for the response. However, this has nothing to do with any pain over my breakup. While I initially had difficulty accepting it (shock and fear of the unknown), it was eventually a mutual decision and I'm extremely happy it ended. The only downside is that one of my children has had difficulty accepting it. The invitation to this party has nothing to do with me but the woman I'm dating thought I would enjoy it given how open I am sexually with her. At least, that's what she says.
2sure Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I would give you the same information and advice as CarrieT did. I would also say, what the hell , you should do it. Married 20 years, trying new things, etc. Why not. Wear a condom and stay away from any couples that one of them is drunk and the other is not really participating. Trust me on that.
JustJoe Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 OP, Carrie and 2 sure are right. I've been to an orgy or two and it was interesting, but not something I would ever do again. If you go, expect to get other peoples' fluids/matter on you , the smell of un-washed sweaty bodies, rampant drug and alcohol abuse, and possible violence, not to mention possible legal problems. If this doesn't bother you, go for it.
CarrieT Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 rampant drug and alcohol abuse, and possible violence, not to mention possible legal problems. If this doesn't bother you, go for it. Most of the ones I have attended were 100% alcohol- and drug-free. Anyone who was remotely drunk or high were ejected and not welcome back; one infraction got you banned from future events. One one or two involved additional substances, but more often than not, the people hosting these events don't want the drama or problems and keep them clean.
2sure Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Agree with you again Carrie. Experienced people have and are aware of "rules". If OPs current date is inviting him her life style and demeanor may be a prediction of what her friends are like. I think OP should go, just to have the experience. Solo guys are often ruled out as a matter of course in some groups, so he should take the opportunity. Can always leave. If the people are unattractive or nuts leave during the usual warm up meet & greet part.
2sure Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 LOL. I have NEVER seen "Rampant Drug Use" at one of these. Ive never seen any! As to alcohol, many people have a cocktail to loosen up but more than that may affect performance and no body wants sex with a sloppy drunk. Yuck.
JustJoe Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I'm only relating my own experiences, Carrie. I'm sure that there could be such a thing as a "responsible", orgy, but I doubt that most participants are completely clean and sober. JMO.
CarrieT Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 LOL. I have NEVER seen "Rampant Drug Use" at one of these. Ive never seen any! As to alcohol, many people have a cocktail to loosen up but more than that may affect performance and no body wants sex with a sloppy drunk. Yuck. The very first one I attended (over two decades ago, in my early twenties) was VERY decadent. There was a room known as the Opium Den where all the drugs were; cocaine, pot, poppers, etc. Then there was a room just for the alcohol where mixologists were playing with cocktail shakers and whatnot. The busiest room (besides the Sex Room) was the kitchen as more people wanted to eat in between sessions. Honestly, this first experience turned me off the whole scene for 20 years. It took me a long time to even want to experience that sort of thing again and I was gratified when I did go back that it was very clean, with no drugs or alcohol.
2sure Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 I guess the fact that I have not seen that sort of thing is because I didnt particpate in anything like that until I was in my 30s. By then, it seems like everyone is more selective about who they associate with on nearly every level. Hmmm. One hopes!
JustJoe Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Come on, 2sure! A "discriminating", "responsible", sex party? Wouldn't that be like a PETA-sponsored bull-fight? The point is that orgiastic sex isn't for the squeamish, or easily offended. One of the "Ladies", I was with at one of the parties I attended, had traces of another man's semen in her hair, and smelled like an amalgamation of Lube, sweat, and scent.
Author Philetus Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 Most of the ones I have attended were 100% alcohol- and drug-free. Anyone who was remotely drunk or high were ejected and not welcome back; one infraction got you banned from future events. One one or two involved additional substances, but more often than not, the people hosting these events don't want the drama or problems and keep them clean. This sounds a lot like what K (my lady friend) described. She said everyone came into a room, were introduced, and the host(s) went over the rules. She mentioned that you could always say 'no' and not to take that personally. I know K would never take me to an event like what Joe describes - one full of drugs, alcohol, and violence. Hell, I would have NO desire to attend something like that.
Author Philetus Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 I would give you the same information and advice as CarrieT did. I would also say, what the hell , you should do it. Married 20 years, trying new things, etc. Why not. Wear a condom and stay away from any couples that one of them is drunk and the other is not really participating. Trust me on that. Thanks. I'm thinking seriously about it and will probably talk to K about it more. The big thing holding me back is that I really like K and I'm not keen on watching her have sex with someone else. I don't know what that would do to our relationship. I'm just being honest. I have one question and Carrie kind of alluded to it already. What do the people look like? I expect a lot of overweight, unattractive women. I don't know why I expect that but I do. K certainly isn't like that. She's athletic and beautiful. I'm very fit and I do have a hang up over being with someone who doesn't take care of themselves. Again, just being honest.
Author Philetus Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 Agree with you again Carrie. Experienced people have and are aware of "rules". If OPs current date is inviting him her life style and demeanor may be a prediction of what her friends are like. I think OP should go, just to have the experience. Solo guys are often ruled out as a matter of course in some groups, so he should take the opportunity. Can always leave. If the people are unattractive or nuts leave during the usual warm up meet & greet part. Wow, if the people at this party are like K, I'd be an idiot not to go. I'm also aware that if I don't go, I'll likely never get another chance. It's something one should do in their lives at least once. Like you said... I could always just leave if the vibe feels wrong. K's taking me to a mixed, clothing-optional sauna on Monday. I'll see how that goes first. I'm really looking forward to it. Baby steps....
2sure Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Thanks. The big thing holding me back is that I really like K and I'm not keen on watching her have sex with someone else. I don't know what that would do to our relationship. I'm just being honest. Ahhh. Thats a great big deal. You first have to tell her this and be completely honest. Even if you are not sure this is going to be a long term thing. And its OK. It may not be important to her that she have sex with other guys. I never did. I have one question and Carrie kind of alluded to it already. What do the people look like? I expect a lot of overweight, unattractive women. I don't know why I expect that but I do. K certainly isn't like that. She's athletic and beautiful. I'm very fit and I do have a hang up over being with someone who doesn't take care of themselves. Again, just being honest. If K is fit and has "played" with these people before, then they are probably fit. You are fit, so you know she is attracted to fit people. If you are in your 40s you can bet there will be people there around your age. AND you know that gets dicey. I personally, would not go in blind or at least not without major reassurances. On the other hand, I can tell you this. My H banged way better looking women with me than he ever did on his own.
Author Philetus Posted March 25, 2010 Author Posted March 25, 2010 If K is fit and has "played" with these people before, then they are probably fit. You are fit, so you know she is attracted to fit people. If you are in your 40s you can bet there will be people there around your age. AND you know that gets dicey. I personally, would not go in blind or at least not without major reassurances. On the other hand, I can tell you this. My H banged way better looking women with me than he ever did on his own. WOW! Thank you for the advice. It's so simple, I don't know why I didn't think of it. I'll just be honest with K and tell her that I'm not ready to watch her having sex with another man. I can see her going and just enjoying watching me have fun. We've only been together about a month and she insists that we keep an open relationship and I'm fine with her seeing other people as long I don't "see" it. I'll tell you one thing... you are certainly making me more enthusiastic about this. I was ready to walk away, now I'm majorly reconsidering which was the whole point of me posting. I think I want someone to talk me into it. Thanks.
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