carhill Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 My version of 'traditional': 1. Professional domestic manager. Wide latitude and full authority to make domestic decisions and take responsibility for the results. 2. Chooses not to 'work' at an outside 'job'. Could work or did work prior to making that choice. In effect, when becoming a domestic manager, she changed 'jobs'. 3. Enjoys her own social life. Chooses to prioritize her marriage. Children are important, cared for, but do not rule her. They are a wonderful part of her (and her husband's) life but her life (and his) does not revolve around children. 4. She is confident in the reality that her husband will back her up on the choices she makes in the family's best interest, built upon their history together. Whether that means hiring the right contractor to fix a domestic item or selecting the proper pig to slaughter or how their children are disciplined, he trusts her intelligence and judgment to benefit the family. 5. There is no 'job' that she won't do on principal. If it needs to be done, it gets done. Nothing is 'beneath' her. In reality, the above should be gender-neutral. In my world, it would be. Unfortunately, IME, most women don't find male professional domestic managers to be attractive, so I must accept a more 'traditional' viewpoint in that regard. Their loss
DaisyLeigh Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 (edited) I don't know where I said she needed to have a job, maybe you can quote that part of the post in case I missed it. The bottom line is that too many women neither want to work nor take care of the house. They see getting married and having children as a way to trap a man into funding their early retirement. If I married such a woman, I'd not only have to go to work each day, but also come home and clean the house, cook my own dinner and do my own laundry. If I'm going to do that, I might as well stay single and not support a woman. If she does work then yes, she'll need help with taking care of the house, that's only fair. On the other hand, if she doesn't work, that means I'll end up working 70 hours a week to try to support the family on one income, which means I better be coming home to dinner on the table and a clean house. Actually, I agree that a SAHM should do the lion's share of the housework, cooking and laundry, etc. I also agree that some women can be *******s, like men can be *******s. I know many SAHMS. I have been one myself. We are not lazy women. We do most chores, cooking, and laundry, and most childcare, since our husbands are not home. Our husbands parent our kids and pitch in when needed, as well as giving us, their wives, a break when they are sick or want to go out with friends. My husband loves to cook, although of course, he is not expected to do so during the work week. In our situation, we have a child who has Autism. So, my husband has sometimes HAD to come home and do things that I normally do, in order for our household to keep running, because of me dealing with our son. Neither of us get to just flop around the house and get waited on. I know of other SAHMS whose husbands are *******s who think that the ONLY thing they should ever do is make the money. They leave crap lying all over, and never parent their own children, or give the wife a break, even when she is sick. They think that her only function is to wait on him hand and foot. To me, it is deameaning to be expected to pick up a grown man's dirty underwear and other things. My husband doesn't pick up mine, nor would he be expected to if he were the SAHD. So, not all women are "like that". However, to be frank, you would probably be better off not marrying. To me, it seems that you want a cook, a house maid and a babysitter, not a wife and partner for life. Good luck to you, whatever you do. Edited March 21, 2010 by DaisyLeigh
crazycatlady Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Wow, really? And they are really happy in that role? Honestly surprised over here. I think the tradition would be that once the kids are raised, the wife and husband travel together or whatever, but the wife still takes care of the husband--all the cooking, cleaning, and happy social wife stuff. Umm, not all of them are happy, some are. H was active duty military for a while and I ran into a lot of women (and some men) who fit carhill's discprition. Most of them were happy. I take care of my H. I went into the marriage knowing this is what he wanted. He had met my grandfather and when we left was like "This is what I want" my grandparents had a traditional marriage. So for years, we have had a traditional marriage. Am I happy? Yes. I love my H. I love my children. Its not all been wonderful, but I get a lot of pleasure out of taking care of everyone. My version of 'traditional': 1. Professional domestic manager. Wide latitude and full authority to make domestic decisions and take responsibility for the results. 2. Chooses not to 'work' at an outside 'job'. Could work or did work prior to making that choice. In effect, when becoming a domestic manager, she changed 'jobs'. 3. Enjoys her own social life. Chooses to prioritize her marriage. Children are important, cared for, but do not rule her. They are a wonderful part of her (and her husband's) life but her life (and his) does not revolve around children. 4. She is confident in the reality that her husband will back her up on the choices she makes in the family's best interest, built upon their history together. Whether that means hiring the right contractor to fix a domestic item or selecting the proper pig to slaughter or how their children are disciplined, he trusts her intelligence and judgment to benefit the family. 5. There is no 'job' that she won't do on principal. If it needs to be done, it gets done. Nothing is 'beneath' her. In reality, the above should be gender-neutral. In my world, it would be. Unfortunately, IME, most women don't find male professional domestic managers to be attractive, so I must accept a more 'traditional' viewpoint in that regard. Their loss The bold is Carhill's description. I don't know how to quote two people in a post. This fits us mostly. I'm not a great house keeper. And having too much time actually makes me a worse house keeper. So I'm slowly working at getting back into the work force. And I want to help us build up a nest egg so that we can start taking more trips as a family and want a minivan to make those trips more comfortable. And the kids don't need me home as much. But its also important to both of us that the kids aren't in before and after school care if possible, and we want me to have summer offs because it benefits our family, plus I have a passion for it, so I want to be a paraeducator, right now I volunteer to get experience so hopefully next year I can get a job. I'm lucky that H supports me in my choice to go back to work, even though he knows he will be expect to do a little more around the house when it happens. CCL
xxoo Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Bachelor, people get married because they meet the right person--the one person they want to be married to. There is no reason to force it and marry if you've not met your match. When you meet your match, all the others and their faults won't play into the decision. I'd say I'm a traditional wife. I am very liberal in philosophy, but traditional/conservative in personal choice. I've always known I've wanted to stay home with my kids, and have always been willing to sacrifice luxuries to do so (I'd do anything to support my family if necessary, but would prefer to sacrifice and stay home if feasible). I've been clear about that since high school, and it was a huge factor in choosing a partner.
Wifecrazy Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 1,2,3,& 4 are not about why you don't marry, They are about why those girls are single, and should stay that way. The problem may be "who" you are meeting, and by "who" I mean where.
Wifecrazy Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Division of labor, work, home & whatever, add it up, divide by 2 not all that hard. as long as both spouses pull evenly, and where they can do the best job. The point being that if one horse pulls 10% than his half, the other horse is pulling 20% more, simple math. Eventually leads to unhappyness.
ADF Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Frankly, you sound like you really hate women. You'll probably do better to remain a bachelor.
make me believe Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Oh, another woman-bashing thread! How original! Because all women are the same, none are worth marrying, all just want to use you for your money, etc etc etc. Look, we've heard it all before from other bitter men on here. Get over yourself.
Ilovecake Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 (edited) Bachelor Ever consider the fact that you're a complete sexist pig might have a lot to do with the fact that you can't find a good woman? Edited March 23, 2010 by Ilovecake
vrchards Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 It is proved in the History that Woman were not be Honest and never be honest. I am 1000% agree with the Bachelor's post.A woman can be honest if she avoid three conditions. First, If she never be alone. second, Noone have try to attracte her and third She does not gone outside from home. My self I dont want to marry because I had the relationship of more than 6 years and finnaly i got a news that she has a relationship with her Cousin brothers.Can you believe? Brother. Hehh... And when I asked with her She just denied. when i have shown proof of their relationship then she agreed that she had. So Can you tell me how we can trust the Woman for marries.
torranceshipman Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I don't understand your point. Most of what you wrote were anecdotes about individual women. So don't date the women in your examples, simple as that. You do come across as judgmental, superior and a bit bitter though, and that is going to consistently turn away any decent girl. Lastly, if you don't want to get married then fine - marriage is not for everyone.
torranceshipman Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 It is proved in the History that Woman were not be Honest and never be honest. I am 1000% agree with the Bachelor's post.A woman can be honest if she avoid three conditions. First, If she never be alone. second, Noone have try to attracte her and third She does not gone outside from home. My self I dont want to marry because I had the relationship of more than 6 years and finnaly i got a news that she has a relationship with her Cousin brothers.Can you believe? Brother. Hehh... And when I asked with her She just denied. when i have shown proof of their relationship then she agreed that she had. So Can you tell me how we can trust the Woman for marries. I like this response because it is so literate :laugh:
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