Bachelor Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 Here are what I see to be some of the problems. Do you see any solutions? 1. College girls.. I had a cute 26 year old neighbor I dated. She was obtaining her masters. She was also over $80,000 just in school debt. At this point she was 27, and still not done with school. She sort of wanted kids, but also wanted the nice car, big home, career, vacation, etc. In order to afford her, and start a family, I would have to earn over $200,000 per year. She also could not cook and liked fancy restaurants. Her degree was also in something that would never translate into making money. 2. Flaky women. It seems many women I dated are in love one day, scared of commitment the next. Push/pull. 3. Many women have little to offer, other than sex. They cannot cook, take care of a home, be responsible. Their long term goals involve working (Only in a career they love ), while having a maid and nanny so they do not have to do much. 4. So many women I have met are on some sort of anti-depressants, drink way too much, smoke pot, do not want kids, are very over weight, have unrealistic materialism, or some combination of the above. 5. Women from divorced households that will never trust men. 6. Women who think they DESERVE everything they want, just because they are born female. 7.So at this point I own a business, save money, and can travel to foreign nations anytime i want. My last trip was a 3 month vacation to Brazil. If I marry today's woman, what will that add to my life? I will still cook for myself, pay her bills, be relegated to sleeping with one woman for the rest of my life, and be under constant pressure to "upgrade" her lifestyle. And at anytime she can just say "I am bored", keep the house, keep the kids, and I start life over at 50, like many of my customers. Very few women understand the concept of "teamwork". I have even had women tell me I would NOT be a good man to marry, BECAUSE I work for myself, and in case of a divorce I could hide income, which would lower child support and alimony payments. I have dated women who made it clear through their actions that "Their money will always be their money. And I am to be the 'gentleman' that pays the bills, for dates, etc" On a recent outing with 2 long term female married friends, they both told me they still work full time as a way to plan for a divorce. They also confide in me that they "fantasize" about certain male co workers. And to be honest they both seemed like they wanted to spend the night with me. Their husbands seem to be nothing more than "A wallet with legs". These women are both only 30. I also dated a woman who slept with the CEO of her company in the past. She later found out that 9 other women (yes 9) at the company were also sleeping with him. This enraged her, so she was kept on salary without having to work much at all, because she blackmailed him in some manner.
Woggle Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 I know it is discouraging but I am truly trying to believe not all women are like that.
Author Bachelor Posted March 20, 2010 Author Posted March 20, 2010 I know it is discouraging but I am truly trying to believe not all women are like that. Perhaps they aren't, but the odds of meeting one worth marrying are very small. In the end, the reward doesn't justify the risk.
SarahRose Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 What exactly would you bring to a marriage? You seem rather put out to have to give anything at all? Why would you even consider marriage at all?
sweetjasmine Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 Do you see any solutions? What a tough question to answer. How 'bout you don't get married? Not sure why you felt it was necessary to open up a new account, though.
Author Bachelor Posted March 20, 2010 Author Posted March 20, 2010 What exactly would you bring to a marriage? You seem rather put out to have to give anything at all? Why would you even consider marriage at all? I bring all the things that a man is supposed to bring. I bring a good, stable income to support a wife and family. I work hard to provide that, and I set a positive example for any children I might raise. Unfortunately, I don't see any women that I would let anywhere near any children I ever had for the reasons I outlined above.
Lucky555 Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 I bring all the things that a man is supposed to bring. I bring a good, stable income to support a wife and family. I work hard to provide that, and I set a positive example for any children I might raise. Unfortunately, I don't see any women that I would let anywhere near any children I ever had for the reasons I outlined above. don't you think a man and a woman need to both take care of the home, both provide income, and both take care of kids? I think it should not be expected for the woman to do everything and have a job, while a man just works. That does not make sense. If the woman just spent money and didn't do anything then that would be concerning. However, there are plenty of women who are out there to take your money, its a matter of dating and weeding the good from the bad. This is also true for men. Plenty of men will take a woman's money also. Its a tough world out there.
Author Bachelor Posted March 20, 2010 Author Posted March 20, 2010 don't you think a man and a woman need to both take care of the home, both provide income, and both take care of kids? I think it should not be expected for the woman to do everything and have a job, while a man just works. That does not make sense. I don't know where I said she needed to have a job, maybe you can quote that part of the post in case I missed it. The bottom line is that too many women neither want to work nor take care of the house. They see getting married and having children as a way to trap a man into funding their early retirement. If I married such a woman, I'd not only have to go to work each day, but also come home and clean the house, cook my own dinner and do my own laundry. If I'm going to do that, I might as well stay single and not support a woman. If she does work then yes, she'll need help with taking care of the house, that's only fair. On the other hand, if she doesn't work, that means I'll end up working 70 hours a week to try to support the family on one income, which means I better be coming home to dinner on the table and a clean house.
Author Bachelor Posted March 20, 2010 Author Posted March 20, 2010 Not sure why you felt it was necessary to open up a new account, though. Because I wouldn't have been able to post here if I didn't.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 How about "nobody is perfect." What exactly are YOUR faults? I doubt that you are just so perfect that every other woman is not marriage material. It is men with this attitude that are why marriage fails. If you feel that all women are that terrible then don't get married. A solution that works for everyone!
Lauriebell82 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Just for the sake of argument I will list undesirable male behavior that I have observed from my relationships and others. 1. Men who are obsessed with their career and put it before their family. 2. Men who lie and cheat on their spouse because their wife loses her sex drive. 3. Men who are drug addicts/alcoholics and beat or abuse their wives when they are under the influence. 4. Men who forget anniversaries, birthdays, kid's recitals, things that are important to their wives. 5. Men who are insensitive and don't care about anyone but themselves. 6. Controlling men who do not let their wives have male friends, check their cell phones, control their every move. 7. Men who lie repeatedly and think that it's okay. 8. Men who do not care about their children and abuse or neglect them. I could name a ton more but I won't. However, not every man behaves in this manner. My fiance is none of these things. While he has his faults (like obsessive over cleaning) he is generally a good guy and would die before causing me any pain. So there.
threebyfate Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Bachelor, I sincerely believe that you will remain a bachelor, whether you want to or not. Good luck!
SarahRose Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 I bring all the things that a man is supposed to bring. I bring a good, stable income to support a wife and family. I work hard to provide that, and I set a positive example for any children I might raise. Unfortunately, I don't see any women that I would let anywhere near any children I ever had for the reasons I outlined above. An income? That's it? In what way do your provide a positive example? You see just an income wouldn't be attractive to me at all since I am in upper management and make more than most men. And no I don't clean my own house or wash my own car. I'm not a servant, maid, housekeeper. You don't have to get married at all. You could hire a chef and housekeeper and just bang random women for all eternity. Problem solved.
JaneInVegas Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 While I totally empathize with how you feel (lots of women out there give the rest of us a bad name), I have to remind myself a lot of times that not all men are the same. I could create a list of common character flaws for men, but I think most people already know what the 'common' ones are. Just keep hunting for the one that has flaws you can live with, and if you feel so inclined, marry her. But don't swear off marriage just because all women fall into the same mold.
carhill Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 OP, clearly the women you are meeting and dating aren't compatible for you. You're in charge of that process, deciding whom to approach and whom to date and build a relationship with. As you know, it's a small world and it's effortlessly navigated. Make use of your strengths and find a companion who is compatible and, with her, find all the bullet points in your OP to be just electrons. She's out there. Go get her
Tethys Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Bachelor - It sounds like you want a more traditional woman. A woman who will cook, clean, raise the children and is happy not having her own career. This is probably not the typical 20- or 30-something, but I'm sure there are many out there with these values. Maybe you're just meeting women in the wrong places.
sally4sara Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 You know, traditional woman might not be the norm anymore, but they do exist and in the US. On this site, occasionally we get some guy come on "lamenting" about the lack of good women with the same items on their list about what will happen if they marry. At least this one is more obvious about his own resentment for ANYTHING he might be contribution to the marriage. Notice his contribution is money and simple presence. Not love, not enjoyment, laughter - not once was there a "I really can't wait to be a dad" or "I love children", no "I feel growing old with someone to be an enriching journey full of possibility". He does list what he gets out of life currently, but here too, cannot list anything his life draws out of him, or what it contributes to anyone but himself. Guys who make these posts only wish to insult. Clearly they resent anything being asked of them. He doesn't want a woman who is money minded or will not be 100% taking care of the kids and home, but UGH if she doesn't work he will just have to work even harder UGH! So clearly, there is no problem here. Just don't get married. No one is forcing folks to get married. But if someone really wanted a traditional kind of woman, they could just find some sweet, young pentecostal girl from a small town to woo. She would be all about having kids and her tastes would be simple. So where is the struggle either way? No struggle here, someone just wants to complain and toss out insults, find a group to blame for the "great life" he has as a single guy? Wait - what? Why did he even bother making a post, let alone creating a NEW PROFILE just to do it?
spriggig Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 I bring all the things that a man is supposed to bring. I bring a good, stable income to support a wife and family. I work hard to provide that, and I set a positive example for any children I might raise. Unfortunately, I don't see any women that I would let anywhere near any children I ever had for the reasons I outlined above. You are absolutely right, don't get married. This attitude will kill it before it gets into year two. At the very least, I'm sure you'll have a solid prenup agreement.
spriggig Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Anybody got any real-life examples of a "traditional woman" in a "traditional marriage" who isn't either plotting an escape or completely checked out? I supposed they exist, but their number is vanishingly small.
sally4sara Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Anybody got any real-life examples of a "traditional woman" in a "traditional marriage" who isn't either plotting an escape or completely checked out? I supposed they exist, but their number is vanishingly small. Yeah, I come from the mid-west and was raised in a very religious family who is scattered through that area in small towns. I have kept in touch with cousins, their friends, friends made from church summer camp that are all now grown. Sure some have had marital problems, but there are also examples of families that are content with simple life, marriage, and kids. My immediate family is not a great example of the good side; too much abuse. Poor choices born of the abuse making them handicapped at picking good partners or being good parents. But all in all, it seems the more status items a man and woman seek, the more dissatisfied their marriage becomes. And it is never just the wife wanting these items, but their collective idea of what success looks like combined with their drive to put the work in to getting these (often frivolous) items. I often see a husband who wants the look of success feeling as though the fact his family has these items as his end being held up -end of story. But it is not love nor does it give the feeling of items happily given or gained.
crazycatlady Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Anybody got any real-life examples of a "traditional woman" in a "traditional marriage" who isn't either plotting an escape or completely checked out? I supposed they exist, but their number is vanishingly small. What is considered a traditional woman? I want to know what people here think it is. CCL
spriggig Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 What is considered a traditional woman? I want to know what people here think it is. CCL I was going off what Tethys said: Bachelor - It sounds like you want a more traditional woman. A woman who will cook, clean, raise the children and is happy not having her own career. This is probably not the typical 20- or 30-something, but I'm sure there are many out there with these values. Maybe you're just meeting women in the wrong places.
crazycatlady Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 AHhh, then yes I know many women who fit that. How long is she expected to stay home though? Forever? Until the kids go to school?
spriggig Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 AHhh, then yes I know many women who fit that. Wow, really? And they are really happy in that role? Honestly surprised over here. How long is she expected to stay home though? Forever? Until the kids go to school? I think the tradition would be that once the kids are raised, the wife and husband travel together or whatever, but the wife still takes care of the husband--all the cooking, cleaning, and happy social wife stuff.
sally4sara Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 My idea of a traditional woman is one who enters into a marriage knowing what she does isn't just for her and entertains concepts that do not only serve her. Career isn't to achieve personal reward but simply a vehicle to serve her family. A way to meet their collective needs. Children are not items to showcase her as a person, but to create more love in the home. They are not accessories. Husband isn't an extended father but a partner. She can be either a SAHM or a career woman depending on what best serves the entire household. Unfortunately, I see too often that the definition of "traditional woman" is one where she is a maid and baby maker, only spreading her legs for her husband out of duty with no personal enjoyment because he is her extended father and daddy has needs . This as an expectation in marriage is the "risk" a woman might wish to avoid. Many people will assume a woman not being all about this is not a "traditional woman". See, if anyone feels the way the OP does about marriage, the single life is their best bet. This applies to women too. A woman can just as easily now, earn enough money to travel, exploring her sexuality as a single entity and never take the "risks" the OP talks about avoiding. Men like the OP think marriage and parenthood is the only goal a woman will have and everything she does is to ultimately achieve this. The OP thinks that avoiding marriage and parenthood is a stance only men will entertain.
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