rosecolored Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 I have never posted on one of these things and am a little nervous. A small bit of my backgroud, I am almost 30, been divorced for 5 years, from a man who is now my friend. I have been dating another man, on and off, for the past 3.5 years. He broke up with me once, after the first year, and then he came back a few months later. We have since been living together for 1.5 years, with 4 lovely dogs and a nice and happy life. He decided he wanted to convert to Orthodoxy, something i wanted to do with him, but due to work and an internship, I have not had Sundays open. So, he went about the process alone. He then decided he wanted to buy a house, and told me only after he had bought the house that we had to not live together in order for him to be baptised and he also believed we needed to break up. There was no fight, no moments leading up to this, just one afternoon, he tears down my world. I cried, yelled, talked, etc., to no avail. He said he had been thinking about it a while, he didn't want to marry and it was better to break it off now rather than 10 years from now. He never has said he won't EVER get married, he just didn't see that stepping back, by moving out, would ever lead to a marriage. I have lost my friends because of him, i have wrapped my life around him and his friends. I feel lost, alone, sad, and angry. I have to give up two of my dogs and move out of a happy situation. He sprung it all on me so sudden that I had no time to save and buy a house, so now i have to live in a townhome for at least a year before finding my own home. I do adore him and consider him my best friend, and I don't want to lose him forever... I am trying to do the whole no communication thing, but it is hard, considering we share friends and I still live under the same roof for a few more days. I feel like I'm living with a stranger and I don't know how to feel ok. He is mean, distant, and never talks to me. We used to talk all the time... What is any advice you might have for me? How do I find friends when I work a contract job that is evenings and weekends only, and I have no co-workers? How do I get this man to see our relationship as a good thing? Does time and space really work? I get so anxious not being able to talk to him.... even if I did talk to him, I know he would not listen... sigh... does anyone have any advice? Sorry for the long narrative, I've needed to type it out for a while!
djentleman Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 How do I get this man to see our relationship as a good thing? By not even mentioning it. From what I've learned, as of late, pouring your heart out during or moments leading up to a break-up (unfortunately) only makes you look pathetic, and you'll certainly feel that way over time... I have, but it's all in part of growing. As insensitive as it sounds, this guy planned an agenda without you; behind your back, he acted upon it, and now he's finalized those steps, in order for him to proceed completing his plan. It sure sucks I'm currently still living with my fiancee... for the time being, and it too is hard. She's almost 21, and she's stayed out with friends (4) nights this week. That too reeeaaaallly sucks (my mind does linger into worst-case-scenario mode), because I do worry (maybe more for myself?), but what can you do? I've implemented daytime NC. I've quit emailing and texting her; when I come home, I normally distract myself by focusing my attention on my dog (you have two of them; so you know what to do!), or working my way upstairs to my studio/rehearsal room. Everyday, she'll ask me "are you mad at me?" and really, I'm not. Although it's a daily struggle and it is NOT easy, I've found the best way to carry on any sort of relationship is by curbing my emotions at the door. She doesn't need to know how I feel about her (she already does), and for me to express myself and my emotions only makes me feel like I'm pleading. Let this guy go.
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