Chibaby Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 I am married, 29, and I cant' stop daydreaming about this 42 year old man at my work. I feel like it's strange, especially the 13 year age gap, but I am obsessed, and think about him all the time. It isn't something I've ever acted on, I dont' even think he knows my name, let alone if I exist. I aam moving on to another job soon, and only have about a month left working with him. I just find him so attractive and interesting, and I don't think anything would ever come of it, but I can't stop thinking of him. My marriage is fine for the most part, but pretty predictable. Is there something wrong with me? Is it strange to fantasize about other men if you are married?
seibert253 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 I am married, 29, and I cant' stop daydreaming about this 42 year old man at my work. I feel like it's strange, especially the 13 year age gap, but I am obsessed, and think about him all the time. It isn't something I've ever acted on, I dont' even think he knows my name, let alone if I exist. I aam moving on to another job soon, and only have about a month left working with him. I just find him so attractive and interesting, and I don't think anything would ever come of it, but I can't stop thinking of him. My marriage is fine for the most part, but pretty predictable. Is there something wrong with me? Is it strange to fantasize about other men if you are married? To fantasize about another while married or in a committed relationship is normal, as long as you realize it is what it is; a fantasy. That fact you use the word obsessed, you admit you think about him all the time, and you "think" nothing will become of it, gives me room for concern. I think it does you, or you would not be here looking for advice. If you are spending this much of your time engaging in these thoughts, and it is become a distraction from your marriage, then this has moved beyond fantasy, and yes it is improper. You seem to be at a fork in the road so to speak, with two paths you can purse: 1. Act upon your obession and end up in an affair 2. Divorce yourself from your temptation and let it die. From your posts, you seem to be moving toward #2, which IMO is the right path to chose. Now what to do to ensure you stay the course, and not be faced with these issuesin the future: A. End all contact with the other guy B. Tell your Husband about your feelings about the other guy, and how it concerns you. (Trust me, at first he may be hurt by this, but he will respect you for being honest with him) C. Address and change the issues within your marriage that lead to the duldrums and predictability. (Date nights every week with just you and your husband, no kids, are a great start) D. If you feel you cannot acomplish C without help, MC can really help tremendously In short, fantasy is normal, obsession is not. Good Luck.
D-Lish Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 It's normal to have the fantasy, but it's also dangerous given the proximity of your crush. It's a good thing that you are switching locations soon, so all temptation will be avoided. Obviously something is missing in your marriage. It's apparant from the tone of your post. I'd make a concerted effort to figure out what is missing and try to rectify that. You're only 29- if your already feeling this way- how will things be in 10 more years together?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 I am married, 29, and I cant' stop daydreaming about this 42 year old man at my work. I feel like it's strange, especially the 13 year age gap, but I am obsessed, and think about him all the time. It isn't something I've ever acted on, I dont' even think he knows my name, let alone if I exist. I aam moving on to another job soon, and only have about a month left working with him. I just find him so attractive and interesting, and I don't think anything would ever come of it, but I can't stop thinking of him. My marriage is fine for the most part, but pretty predictable. Is there something wrong with me? Is it strange to fantasize about other men if you are married? I have the feeling that this guy is far enough away from your immediate surroundings that only his finest qualities are known to you. He is also far enough away in age so that he isn't always the guy you *notice* staring at your ass near the water cooler, etc. Elements of your perception OF him are akin to those we might meet in a chatroom, where we only get to know a tiny bit of who somebody really is, and then thrive on painting perfection into the vast void. I'm sure that this is as easy to do for a woman married to somebody else, about a man at work, as it is for some people in the online chatrooms. Perhaps it is maturity, or something similar, that is a trait that you wish your similiar-to-your-age husband had in greater amounts. For such a reason, it makes further sense that you might admire the man at work. At any rate, I know it is going to be a let-down when you move on to another job, BUT this may be just the *break* you need in order to refocus yourself on your own relationship, for the good of everyone involved. Good luck.
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