SarahRose Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 BS! Guys don't respect a woman who has sex on the first date? I respect all my gfs who I had sex within on the 1st or 2nd date. All my other gfs who wanted to make me "earn it" don't get nearly as much respect from me. Not playing games just shows she's mature about sex and has a healthy attitude toward it. It also shows she doesn't think sex is this evil thing to be afraid of like most Americans believe. It's just two of more consenting adults gratifying themselves for around 25 minutes. Big deal. God, I hate the prudery of my countrymen. You said it all right there.
Author marsle85 Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 If he wants to make dinner for you, why not just say, "While I'd love for you to make dinner for me, this is a bit too soon. How about xyz restaurant, my treat this time?" You make a great point, but I've already expressed my enthusiasm about him cooking for me- before I realized the implication... Now what? I go from "yeah, definitely! Cook for me!" To "Well, it's a little soon..." haha
Lakeside_runner Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 marsle, previously, you've mentioned that you're a psych major. With this in mind, why dance around the issue? If he wants to make dinner for you, why not just say, "While I'd love for you to make dinner for me, this is a bit too soon. How about xyz restaurant, my treat this time?" Sounds good to me. Tell him also that you enjoy his company - something reassuring See also my previous post about the event etc. On another note... Don't worry. I'm a guy and I've the same kind of feelings about dating as you do! I don't like this all-or-nothing approach either. Why not cherish the companionship that comes with a developing relationship? People are not animals - it's not just all about swapping DNA strings...
Author marsle85 Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 You said it all right there. Are you trying to say he's excluding the girls who he slept with on the 1st/2nd date...but didn't end up dating?
Pfiend101 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 \ If you want a serious relationship, make him earn it and make him wait. He will respect you for it. If he is just looking for a quick piece or someone to waste time with until something better comes along he won't wait and will be gone and that is what you want. Oh please. They have been out on several dates. Much longer than that and you are bound to lose him because he will think you aren't interested. Sex isn't something a woman should try to hold over a mans head. As soon as a woman acts like sex is a gift its time to leave. This isn't 1920 Ladies.
CLC2008 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 OP just take everything you hear here in stride. But in relation to your title, going to someones house that you've been on three prior dates with, doesn't make it a "booty call". So for now, just give him the benefit of the doubt and if you go over for dinner just let things unfold naturally.
Author marsle85 Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 Sounds good to me. Tell him also that you enjoy his company - something reassuring See also my previous post about the event etc. On another note... Don't worry. I'm a guy and I've the same kind of feelings about dating as you do! I don't like this all-or-nothing approach either. Why not cherish the companionship that comes with a developing relationship? People are not animals - it's not just all about swapping DNA strings... Absolutely, plus the excitement of the emotional relationship is paired with the chemistry of the sexual relationship... which I feel ultimately intertwines to create a romantic passion. I don't know, maybe i'm crazy old-school...but the thing is, i'm not. I'm not prude, I like sex, I want to have it- but I want to have a relationship based on a healthy, progressive foundation. We've all been posting at the same time, so I think it's possible readers have missed comments prior.
BobSacamento Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 It's more like a formal booty call. He's willing to make you dinner so calling it a booty call is kind of harsh. However, he's taking a lot of the work out of it. When you're out on the town there's many steps to take before he can seal the deal. The most important of which is getting you back to his place. He just took that right out of the scenario.
sumdude Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 OP just take everything you hear here in stride. But in relation to your title, going to someones house that you've been on three prior dates with, doesn't make it a "booty call". So for now, just give him the benefit of the doubt and if you go over for dinner just let things unfold naturally. I agree with this. See what happens, enjoy the evening yet enforce your boundaries. If he persists in trying to step over them you know what to do.
Lakeside_runner Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 OP just take everything you hear here in stride. But in relation to your title, going to someones house that you've been on three prior dates with, doesn't make it a "booty call". So for now, just give him the benefit of the doubt and if you go over for dinner just let things unfold naturally. Well, you can always go over and when something happens that you don't like you can always say NO. Do you trust him as a person? The only case in which I'd avoid going over would be if you don't know him that well and you're not sure that if you say no you won't be in any danger. IF YOU FELL THAT WHEN YOU SAY NO IN AN INTIMATE SITUATION YOU'RE SAFE I don't actually see why not let him cook...
Author marsle85 Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 Oh please. They have been out on several dates. Much longer than that and you are bound to lose him because he will think you aren't interested. Sex isn't something a woman should try to hold over a mans head. As soon as a woman acts like sex is a gift its time to leave. This isn't 1920 Ladies. I completely appreciate your input- don't get me wrong. Seriously, I can use everything I can get... but I'd like to politely disagree. We've been on 3 dates so far, he knows i'm interested. I'm agreeing to go out with him, i'm kissing him, I'm smiling, i'm leaning my head on his shoulder. I am doing what I feel I should do to show my interest. My romantic and sexual interest. I'm not holding sex over his head at ALL, and I promise you this. I just can't even THINK of having sex right now, it's not a matter of -- how long will he wait? Should I do it now? How about now? To me, it's not a question. I'm not ready, he's not ready, our relationship isn't ready. And sex IS a gift! I understand it's not 1920 - but sex can be special, and it can be given. I don't mean it in a patronizing way, but really... like- I can't even express it better than this: sex is a way to give yourself. OP just take everything you hear here in stride. But in relation to your title, going to someones house that you've been on three prior dates with, doesn't make it a "booty call". So for now, just give him the benefit of the doubt and if you go over for dinner just let things unfold naturally. I like this. A lot. And from my experience with him, he hasn't pushed me or expressed his interest in progressing quicker than I've been comfortable with. For now, I think i'll avoid his home as of next date.
BobSacamento Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 What would you do if he made Hamburger Helper?
Lakeside_runner Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Absolutely, plus the excitement of the emotional relationship is paired with the chemistry of the sexual relationship... which I feel ultimately intertwines to create a romantic passion. I don't know, maybe i'm crazy old-school...but the thing is, i'm not. I'm not prude, I like sex, I want to have it- but I want to have a relationship based on a healthy, progressive foundation. We've all been posting at the same time, so I think it's possible readers have missed comments prior. Good to hear that! That means - there's still hope for me on this continent!
CLC2008 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Well, you can always go over and when something happens that you don't like you can always say NO. Do you trust him as a person? The only case in which I'd avoid going over would be if you don't know him that well and you're not sure that if you say no you won't be in any danger. IF YOU FELL THAT WHEN YOU SAY NO IN AN INTIMATE SITUATION YOU'RE SAFE I don't actually see why not let him cook... True. But I don't think she's necessarily questioning her personal safety per se, in this particular instance, otherwise her thread title would have reflected that versus "booty call". She most likely has some level of trust in him, enough to go over to his house.
SarahRose Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Are you trying to say he's excluding the girls who he slept with on the 1st/2nd date...but didn't end up dating? I meant he dated and slept with a bunch of girls and none are obviously his wife. Read the posts on here about guys who can't deal with their gf having had a sex life before them and the ones who think poorly of girls having 20 sex partners or more which is exactly what would happen if you slept with every guy you dated on the 3rd date. Read the posts from women who agreed to fwb with some guy and are trying for more from him and it will never happen or the girls strung along for years by some guy who is lukewarm about them. I really can't think of any advantage for a woman to sleep with a guy early on...none. Of course the guys will whine and complain about prudishness but who cares because they know it just means less easy women for them. In the end, they don't want to marry a girl who has banged 50 guys.
Author marsle85 Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 Good to hear that! That means - there's still hope for me on this continent! Haha, I know. Your comments have helped me as well. What would you do if he made Hamburger Helper? [/b] I'd tease him relentlessly and he'd still not get laid. But he's not going to. I told him he has to compete with shark. Haha It's more like a formal booty call. He's willing to make you dinner so calling it a booty call is kind of harsh. However, he's taking a lot of the work out of it. When you're out on the town there's many steps to take before he can seal the deal. The most important of which is getting you back to his place. He just took that right out of the scenario. I think there is some truth to that... and once we get out of the trend of dates- and more into informal home activites... well I won't be able to wear dresses as often. Nooooooooo!! That's another thing. I just splurged on this killer dress that I certainly can't wear to his home if i'm trying to tell him he can't have sex with me, haha.
SarahRose Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 What would you do if he made Hamburger Helper? LOL or instant soup and lean cusine
CLC2008 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 What would you do if he made Hamburger Helper? Hamburger Helper and Kewl-Aid
Author marsle85 Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 Hamburger Helper and Kewl-Aid I'll gladly accept Kool-Aid on a picnic date. Ugh. Where are the picnic dates?
SarahRose Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Oh please. They have been out on several dates. Much longer than that and you are bound to lose him because he will think you aren't interested. Sex isn't something a woman should try to hold over a mans head. As soon as a woman acts like sex is a gift its time to leave. This isn't 1920 Ladies. I really can't think of any advantage for a woman to sleep with a guy early on...none.
Lakeside_runner Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 True. But I don't think she's necessarily questioning her personal safety per se, in this particular instance, otherwise her thread title would have reflected that versus "booty call". She most likely has some level of trust in him, enough to go over to his house. So what's stopping her from doing that? If she's afraid that he expects sex an she trusts him - she can always say no when things progress too fast that evening. She seems to be a reasonable person who's not likely to do anything they might regret the morning after... Correct me if I'm wrong but the only situation in which the whole thing may turn sour is when the guy makes advances - she says no - he doesn't get it and continues. @marsle85 - is this what you're afraid of? Oh and by the way - how old is this guy - I take you're 25, right?
CLC2008 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 So what's stopping her from doing that? If she's afraid that he expects sex an she trusts him - she can always say no when things progress too fast that evening. She seems to be a reasonable person who's not likely to do anything they might regret the morning after... Correct me if I'm wrong but the only situation in which the whole thing may turn sour is when the guy makes advances - she says no - he doesn't get it and continues. @marsle85 - is this what you're afraid of? Oh and by the way - how old is this guy - I take you're 25, right? I don't know 100% what's stopping her exactly...Only she can answer that for herself. She has concerns, like anything and anyone else, and I think she's just trying to work through them is all.
Lakeside_runner Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 I don't know 100% what's stopping her exactly...Only she can answer that for herself. She has concerns, like anything and anyone else, and I think she's just trying to work through them is all. And that is exactly THE point! @marsle85 - WHAT IS YOUR CONCERN?
Author marsle85 Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 So what's stopping her from doing that? If she's afraid that he expects sex an she trusts him - she can always say no when things progress too fast that evening. She seems to be a reasonable person who's not likely to do anything they might regret the morning after... Correct me if I'm wrong but the only situation in which the whole thing may turn sour is when the guy makes advances - she says no - he doesn't get it and continues. @marsle85 - is this what you're afraid of? Oh and by the way - how old is this guy - I take you're 25, right? Actually, you're right. What is the big deal? I go over there, he tries- I kindly reject him, we move on. I don't know if you my post a few prior, but recap: the last time we were together... we were making out for the first time in his car, he reached for my breast and I gently pushed his hand away. He said something along the lines of "No? That's okay, I'm fine with this..." and grabbed me and kissed me again. I don't want him to lose interest - which I understand is irrelavent to this, because really... if he loses interest because i'm not having sex with him quickly enough, he's not my guy. But I don't want him to think i'm a tease. I've gotten in that situation a lot, and I HATE it. The problem is i'm a very sensual person. I love touch, i'm receptive and I don't have a problem expressing that... but ultimately, he wants to do this...and i'm only ready for that Ha. He's 25, I'm 20.
BobSacamento Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 So what's stopping her from doing that? If she's afraid that he expects sex an she trusts him - she can always say no when things progress too fast that evening. She seems to be a reasonable person who's not likely to do anything they might regret the morning after... Correct me if I'm wrong but the only situation in which the whole thing may turn sour is when the guy makes advances - she says no - he doesn't get it and continues. @marsle85 - is this what you're afraid of? Oh and by the way - how old is this guy - I take you're 25, right? I think she's affraid of giving him mixed signals.
Recommended Posts