Lareon Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Okay, here's my story. About a month ago, I met a girl at a church singles activity, and almost immediately I fell in love with her. Great story, right? Well, not exactly. See, the thing is, she broke up with her (now ex-) fiance four months ago, and that seems to be one of the things she always resorts back to talking about. Not that she misses the relationship -- the guy was a total jerk -- but she keeps coming back to the experience and what happened, what went wrong, how much of a loser he was, etc... This hasn't been healthy for her emotionally, either. With some manner of encouragement from a friend of hers, I finally decided to ask her out just to a movie, to have some time to get to know her better. She said no, which I don't mind, seeing how she's still troubled by her breakup. She said that she wasn't ready to start dating anyone again, and that's no problem. As for just hanging out with me (without the whole "date" scenario), she still refuses, stating that when she's only with one person, she can only talk about her breakup. (Breakup details: Around August, he started not coming down to see her, claiming that it was too far to drive, and he needed to save gas money. She scolded him for this, and at some point it was revealed that he'd had doubts about their engagement since he'd asked her, and he'd even decided that it WOULDN'T work out. She brok up with him, and a week later found out that THREE weeks prior, he'd been inquiring about another girl he wanted to date -- WHILE THEY WERE STILL ENGAGED! She truly loved him and thought she was going to spend the rest of her life and beyond with him. It was hard, but she broke up with him, because he would've just married her and divorced later.) Okay, so I REALLY want to date her, bu mostly I just want to HELP her! The problem is, I like her so much that whenever I'm around her I become stupid. I can't think of anything to talk about, and there's always some sort of akward silence between us... Mind you, I'm not at ALL a boring person -- I ALWAYS have something to talk about! But for some reason, talking to her, there's nothing. My mind blanks. Also, lately, I've tried just keeping some distance, so she doesn't see me as too obsessive, or think that I'm stalking her... But it's difficult seeing her talk to other guys. She seems to have decent conversations with them, but with me, there's just nothing to say... And I'm pretty sure that she doesn't DISlike me at all -- today at church I was kind of a loser in my distance-keeping and I pretended no to take notice that she was around, (yeah, I was also a bit depressed from toiling over the whole situation) and she even came up to me a time or two and said hello somewhat happily/energetically. I intend to apologize tomorrow evening at another activity for being a loser today... -.- Anyway, that's my situation. Any advice is more than welcome. Sorry for the long newbie post. --Lar. PS: Oh yeah, she's also REALLY scared of going anywhere that her ex MIGHT be -- afraid that she'll cry if she sees him. I have NO idea what that means -- I'm a guy, and while we have our own complexities, they tend to be different from girls. I'm just so lost here. PPS: <-- This thing is SO amazingly cute... I can't stand it. It's been bouncing there the whole time I've written this. Just thought I'd let you all know... Link to post Share on other sites
HurtinginVA Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Okay, so I REALLY want to date her, bu mostly I just want to HELP her! #1 - You cant help someone who doesnt want your help or who isnt ready to help themselves. #2 - You cant truly help someone if there is an ulterior motive. You want to help her get over him, so she will be ready to date you. This is not putting her best interests first, it is putting yours first under the guise of "helping" her. The best person to help her is an ubiased person, who has no emotional attachment to her or him or you. I intend to apologize tomorrow evening at another activity for being a loser today... -.- ACK! Dont do that! It sounds to me like the wounds from her previous relationship havent fully healed yet......you got a response from her when you backed off. Take that as a sign. Give her her space! Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lareon Posted January 14, 2004 Author Share Posted January 14, 2004 Okay, thanks! We were both at a party yesterday evening, and I pretty much tried to follow your suggestions. I kept my distance, but tried to maintain a mutual level of "friendly-ness", and she seemed to be cool with it. We even danced together a little bit, though for my part I suck at party dancing. About that dancing thing -- any tips...? I never went to parties much as I was growing up, so I really don't know WHAT I'm doing. I know most of it comes from feeling the beat, but I'm a drummer, I feel the beat through my hands and feet, not with my whole body. I just want some tips on how NOT to look stupid. Anyhoo, thanks again. --Lar. Link to post Share on other sites
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