ussy Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Honestly, i dont feel better AT ALL!! I feel so much worse in fact..... Its gonna be 20 days of NC tomorrow and i cant stop thinking about that B****...... Why do i love her so much? Why do i still want her in my life? How can i stop myself from being obsessed with her????? FOR F**s sake im ruining myself, i cant get over her, NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what anyone tells me, i cant get over her, seriously.... Everyone has tried, brother, sisters, friends, you name it but its just like everything goes in through 1 ear and out through the other.... and the worst part is, i DO TRY TO LISTEN...... I just cant.... I dont know whats wrong with me, i know im living in hope, but i cant see myself ever getting past this stage. Its so depressing, i feel so so upset, how do i stop this pain????
LovelyDaze Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 (edited) Honestly, i dont feel better AT ALL!! I feel so much worse in fact..... Its gonna be 20 days of NC tomorrow and i cant stop thinking about that B****...... Why do i love her so much? Why do i still want her in my life? How can i stop myself from being obsessed with her????? FOR F**s sake im ruining myself, i cant get over her, NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what anyone tells me, i cant get over her, seriously.... Everyone has tried, brother, sisters, friends, you name it but its just like everything goes in through 1 ear and out through the other.... and the worst part is, i DO TRY TO LISTEN...... I just cant.... I dont know whats wrong with me, i know im living in hope, but i cant see myself ever getting past this stage. Its so depressing, i feel so so upset, how do i stop this pain???? You don't stop the pain. You walk right through it. God, It hurts like....there are no words how much, right? I know. I cried about my ex to where it looks like my eyes were red with blood. My stomach ached, i actually threw up before, I broke things, I screamed until I was hoarse, I cursed God and everything in existence and I wished I never met him at all. You are doing fine. You loved and now you hurt from loving. Don't quit. 20 days of NC is BEYOND awesome! Don't break it or this pain you are feeling? Duplicate that triple fold. I know that pain too. It's not pretty...or healthy. Get out of the house for awhile. Walk or just sit outside in the air. Think about all of us dumpees that are here on LS. We KNOW your pain. We know how it is to wonder what the f*** happened, why the love you were SO sure would last..didn't, if your ex will be a walking miracle and turn back into the person we loved, how life seems so unfair without the person we loved. Yes, we know exactly how you feel. Please, don't try to pretend you don't hurt. Feel it. Get mad, cry, challenge your faith, wish your ex wears gasoline underwear in hell. But dig deep and walk through this pain. You WILL come out of this. You will NOT feel this forever. And yes, you will love someone just as much again. There were times I SWORE the BF I was with...was "the one" I just knew it and then it was over and I met some other man I loved with my whole heart and soul. Believe it. You will get out of this. Edited March 20, 2010 by LovelyDaze
Author ussy Posted March 20, 2010 Author Posted March 20, 2010 You don't stop the pain. You walk right through it. God, It hurts like....there are no words how much, right? I know. I cried about my ex to where it looks like my eyes were red with blood. My stomach ached, i actually threw up before, I broke things, I screamed until I was hoarse, I cursed God and everything in existence and I wished I never met him at all. You are doing fine. You loved and now you hurt from loving. Don't quit. 20 days of NC is BEYOND awesome! Don't break it or this pain you are feeling? Duplicate that triple fold. I know that pain too. It's not pretty...or healthy. Get out of the house for awhile. Walk or just sit outside in the air. Think about all of us dumpees that are here on LS. We KNOW your pain. We know how it is to wonder what the f*** happened, why the love you were SO sure would last..didn't, if your ex will be a walking miracle and turn back into the person we loved, how life seems so unfair without the person we loved. Yes, we know exactly how you feel. Please, don't try to pretend you don't hurt. Feel it. Get mad, cry, challenge your faith, wish your ex wears gasoline underwear in hell. But dig deep and walk through this pain. You WILL come out of this. You will NOT feel this forever. And yes, you will love someone just as much again. There were times I SWORE the BF I was with...was "the one" I just knew it and then it was over and I met some other man I loved with my whole heart and soul. Believe it. You will get out of this. Thanks for that, its just i want her so badly, im only 18, we got together when we were 15 and it was both of ours first relationship. I know that i can go out and find a new girl, i know that i can fall in love again..... Its just not what i want. I really loved this girl with all my heart and she even knows that. How can people act so cold hearted towards you when like a few days before you broke up they were telling their mum and auntie how they had planned to spend the rest of their lifes with you? I just dont get that.... We had gone through so much together, so many times people tried to break us up, even her own friends. We always managed a way back to each other, do people really change that fast?? I MISS HER TOO MUCH, I HATE MY LIFE
Author ussy Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 Someone please give me some support! I feel totally depressed
Canadaleaf Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Everything will get better my friend, trust me. Continue NC, do not break it! If you do you will start back at day one. Find stuff to occupy your time. There is light at the end of that long darkened tunnel. You have made progress. You realized your living on hope right now, which means you realize that its over deep down. Thinking about her is normal, but those thoughts will fade in time. Time heals all wounds. Keep Strong!
skydiveaddict Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Someone please give me some support! I feel totally depressed Man it's just part of the grieving process. You're going through hell right now I know, I am too. But you will come out stronger on the other side. Make youself stay busy, exercise etc. you know the routine. Dont sit around pining away, that only drives it in deeper.
dannie19 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 I have recently split up with someone and am finding a book which was recommended on The OM/OW forum really helpful. Okay it's got a stupid title 'I can mend your broken heart' by Paul McKenna but I've covered mine so nobody knows what I'm reading! Anyway, it explains pain and love and just everything, worth a shot maybe? All the best.
Author ussy Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 Need some advice, ive just changed my number because my old one got messed up, should i send the ex a text to give her my new number?
dannie19 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Give it to her if you don't want to move on and want to keep checking your phone for texts which never come and then have your head in a spin when she does finally text probably just as you're starting to heal. Honestly your number getting messed up is a blessing. Be strong and do the thing you think you cannot do.
PDPullmn612 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Stick with it. Most of us on here know exactly how you feel. This happened to me a couple years back. 20 days of NC? Great start! Just stick with it. Get involved. Go out with friends. Just try and do things that will help take your mind off of her. Eventually, you'll start to notice that you are thinking about it less and less. I dated a girl for 9 months about 2 years ago. I loved her...I mean I LOVED her. She mean't everything to me. But then one day out of no where she no longer wanted to date. It crushed me, but eventually I got over it and now the only time I think about it is when I want to.
Thebob Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Honestly, i dont feel better AT ALL!! I feel so much worse in fact..... Its gonna be 20 days of NC tomorrow and i cant stop thinking about that B****...... Why do i love her so much? Why do i still want her in my life? How can i stop myself from being obsessed with her????? FOR F**s sake im ruining myself, i cant get over her, NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what anyone tells me, i cant get over her, seriously.... Everyone has tried, brother, sisters, friends, you name it but its just like everything goes in through 1 ear and out through the other.... and the worst part is, i DO TRY TO LISTEN...... I just cant.... I dont know whats wrong with me, i know im living in hope, but i cant see myself ever getting past this stage. Its so depressing, i feel so so upset, how do i stop this pain???? Trust me, I felt the exact same way and so have thousands of other LS members, it only gets better. Pretty much imagine your body detoxing itself from your recent loss, your body is getting used to not being or seeing or talking to that person. Give it 3 more weeks and you'll start feeling strength coming to you. The next relationship you get in, and say it fails will be so much easier to deal with once this one is completed. Stay strong my friend. Thebob
Tamia78 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 As others here can tell you, we really do know what you're going through. I hate myself for thinking about my ex so much. I'm almost positive he's not doing that with me. Probably hanging with some chick as we speak. It's been about 20 days for me too, and I know exactly what you are feeling. You want to talk to them, but what if they won't answer? You want to email, but what if they just delete what you wrote, or worse........reply with a "Go away, leave me alone" email? Then, just when you start to feel pretty good about yourself that you aren't really thinking about them anymore.......BAM! They pop up with a text, email, or some sort of message asking you how you are doing. ARGH!!! Please stay strong. You are doing the right thing. IF it's meant to be, it will happen, but don't cause your own pain by breaking NC. It's not worth it. --T
LovelyDaze Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 As others here can tell you, we really do know what you're going through. I hate myself for thinking about my ex so much. I'm almost positive he's not doing that with me. Probably hanging with some chick as we speak. It's been about 20 days for me too, and I know exactly what you are feeling. You want to talk to them, but what if they won't answer? You want to email, but what if they just delete what you wrote, or worse........reply with a "Go away, leave me alone" email? Then, just when you start to feel pretty good about yourself that you aren't really thinking about them anymore.......BAM! They pop up with a text, email, or some sort of message asking you how you are doing. ARGH!!! Please stay strong. You are doing the right thing. IF it's meant to be, it will happen, but don't cause your own pain by breaking NC. It's not worth it. --T Tamia is correct. Don't break NC by giving her your new number. She could say,"Um..ooohhhkayyy? Why are you giving this to me?" Making you feel worse. The ball is in her court. She hurt you. Let her be the one to make it up to you. Just like Tamia mentioned also, MANY exes return out of the clear blue sky JUST when you are feeling better. Don't fall for it. You have to make that ex prove they are serious about working things out. How would you know, you think? Well, they won't have any significant others at the moment, they own up to their part in the break up, they want to resolve any problems you had leading to the end of the relationship and they will be willing to fix them with you for as long as it takes. Anything less is crumbs and BS.
Author ussy Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 Ok guys thanks for that. I was always close to her mum so i did text her saying "this is my new number" and the reply i got was "I was so worried about u" we got in texting for a bit and she just kept on bringing my ex up, even though i was staying strong, she was saying stuff like "I know you 2 still love each other" that **** really makes me feel so much worse, i think talking to her mum actually hurts me just as much as talking to my ex! Should i stop talking to her mum as well? How could i say it in the most polite way to her?
Canadaleaf Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 (edited) Tell her Mom its hard to talk to her about her daughter, and its just making you feel worse Edited March 22, 2010 by Canadaleaf
monkeymaid Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 ok, honestly, today is day 21 for me, and i know exactly how you feel. ...actually, yesterday was the best day ive had in 20 days, and today, i cried for the better part of 5 hours.. .....i am a grown ass man. ..5 hours. i had zero control. like a little girl. it was loud!!! like forgetting about sara marshall loud! i am putting my trust in the people around me becasue right now, i have none in myself. when i am feeling ok, i right down the things i want to work on in me, pencil a workout plan, meal plan, week long itinerary, revue goals etc, then when i am feeling depressed, i look at it, call a friend, brother, etc, and they make me get off my ass and do it. i have been through a few breakups, and this trumps them all! ...i actually disconected the text function on my phone becasue i know i would be weak and text her. ...bro, if they want us back, they better come crawling, groveling, and with a car full of regret. i can relate to being close to the mum too!!! i work for my exes mum. ...actually, i run her business. so we work together 5 days a week. needless to say, she knows now not to talk to me about her daughter...AAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
celluloid Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I would advise you to try and stay no contact with her or her family. It will put you back at day one. I know. My boyfriend of SIX years left me in September. I have been grieving since. He attempted to contact me for four months and then what did I do, last month I finally picked up the phone, opened myself back up to him, and he hurt me again. And guess what... we went NC for another month until he contacted me the other day and I answered back - here I am again for the third time going through the grieving process from day one - again. I am a mess. It's beyond a mess. All I am saying is I know. I know how hard it is. Loving someone so much that you are completely reckless with your own feelings and sanity just to have contact with them or their family to feel the slightest bit of connection to that person again. Without it, you have no break from carrying that love on your own. It gets extremely heavy. So heavy that, the other day I text him and told him simply, "I love you" and at the end of the text I wrote "(please do not respond)". By simply saying that, it relieved me of that heaviness. I mean at this point it is back, but at that moment, I was going through a total breakdown and that was the only way I could find some relief. I probably won't do that again, because I am already the biggest fool in the world for giving so much. And he knows I love him, it's no secret. I know he loves me too, but he just can't get himself together enough to be in a respectable relationship with me and would rather take the easy road right now - and deep down there is anger there about everything our relationship has become and everything he did to me, but it has yet to hit me. I am still depressed and sad - and this all started really in July and he officially left in September. We lived together. When you are with someone and there are no problems and each shows and gives each other love on a daily basis, there is a balance and a very serene balance. However, when one side lets go, or pretends to let go and/or intentionally sabotages the relationship instead of dealing with themselves (which is my situation), that love doesn't just disappear. It just has no where to go, but hang on you (the giver) which is what I call "severe emotional baggage." And I don't know your entire situation, but whether it be a few months or six years, if you truly love someone, in my opinion, there has to be some reflection of that in the other person. They may just be too prideful, too immature, or too f*****d up to realize what they had and still would have if they tried and fought hard enough for it, that it was probably the greatest offering from another person they will ever be offered. And we, the people who realize this, are the ones at the most disadvantage, because we know. Through all the games and bull sh**, we know why it went down, how it went down, and what it would take to get it back, and there is nothing we can do about it.
sheithappens Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 honestly friend , it gets easier, I have been broken up with my ex since august... first two months felt like crap , we did the nc for a good three months, started talking again for a couple of months , she started dating someone, but was telling me she missed me and wants to work things out, keep in mind we were together for five years, we stopped talking mid december because I told her she couldnt have her cake and eat it as well.... now her little brother contacts me to hang out and stuff and I have no problem with it, of course the mom and her little brother bring stuff up but the funny thing is like I get a feeling she tells them to tell me things to get a reaction out of me.... I KNOW I AM GOING TO REUNITE WITH HER.... but right now I am just relaxing and doing new things in life, so that way I can be a more experienced and mature man for her when she does come back, I suggest you do the same
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