update: separated and spouse arguing with counselor

[just_some_guy]

An update on my situation. I have left and moved into a small rental house and we continue to work on the situation in marriage counseling. For me, this is a positive as I am now starting to get enough sleep and my home is quiet and peaceful. I'm still settling in, but I think it will be a positive for me.

 

For her, it has been extremely difficult and heart breaking. It is very difficult for me, since I'm the one who's causing the hurt. It's only been a few days, but not a day has gone by without contact by her, including a couple of hang ups and emotionally frantic calls about nothing particularly important. She's spoken to a lawyer and now the paranoia about money and so on is taking over. She's demanded a significant sum of money "to hold" although there is no financial emergency at all. The bills are getting paid and she has a job and honestly, we want for nothing.

 

We're continuing to see a marriage counselor, but it isn't going well. My spouse is defensive and argumentative with the counselor. To the point that the counselor asked her if she would prefer another counselor instead.

 

The issues boil down to fear, control and the lack of trust in me. I've done nothing to betray her physically, emotionally or financially, but as her food addiction has gotten worse and worse, she cannot trust me and seeks to control the relationship and me out of fear.

 

It's pretty miserable, I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Clearly, if there's a positive resolution, it is going to take some significant time and effort.

[just_some_guy]

She was waffling on the bypass, considering doing OA alone at last count.

 

Since I left, she did finally get the CPAP machine to deal with the apnea and snoring, has joined a lady's gym, and started to make some forward steps on the addiction aspects.

 

But the demons are all still there. I'm not sure how MC can work with all that in play.

 

I'm at peace with it and facing to the future. There's incredible stress going on in my life in every direction right now. Somehow though, I'm coping pretty well. Between working out and not letting myself getting wrapped around this highway pole, I feel pretty stable.

[SummerLady]

An update on my situation. I have left and moved into a small rental house and we continue to work on the situation in marriage counseling. For me, this is a positive as I am now starting to get enough sleep and my home is quiet and peaceful. I'm still settling in, but I think it will be a positive for me.

 

For her, it has been extremely difficult and heart breaking. It is very difficult for me, since I'm the one who's causing the hurt. It's only been a few days, but not a day has gone by without contact by her, including a couple of hang ups and emotionally frantic calls about nothing particularly important. She's spoken to a lawyer and now the paranoia about money and so on is taking over. She's demanded a significant sum of money "to hold" although there is no financial emergency at all. The bills are getting paid and she has a job and honestly, we want for nothing.

 

We're continuing to see a marriage counselor, but it isn't going well. My spouse is defensive and argumentative with the counselor. To the point that the counselor asked her if she would prefer another counselor instead.

 

The issues boil down to fear, control and the lack of trust in me. I've done nothing to betray her physically, emotionally or financially, but as her food addiction has gotten worse and worse, she cannot trust me and seeks to control the relationship and me out of fear.

 

It's pretty miserable, I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Clearly, if there's a positive resolution, it is going to take some significant time and effort.

 

 

Wow how is it that her and the marriage counselor are fighting? I only went a couple of times and he was very objective. He does come to conclusions based off of info but not suppose to get involved really or take sides. She must not want to be there. I did not want to go as well but I was truthful that the counseling would not work and I had made up my mind to get out. And all the marriage counseling in the world could not make me stay or make me want to stay. I was done on the word go. Maybe that is not the best venue for her at this time.

[just_some_guy]

It is kind of odd, she insists she wants to fix everything and go to counseling. She picked this counselor and setup the appointments. But she is very defensive, reactive and acting like everything is a judgement against her. It seems like she wants the counselor to do the fixing. She's doing everything possible to control what's left of the relationship, including holding my stuff at the house as a means of controlling me. She is in IC as well and the MC asked us to sign a release so he can talk to her IC.

 

It is all too crazy right now. I'm happy for the distance, even though it means living like a college student and most likely, will wind up never seeing my personal valuables ever again.

[just_some_guy]

I don't have a timetable set up. Just taking things a day at a time for now. I set up with another IC for me to talk out a few things that will help me set my direction going forward.

 

But I have to say, working out at the gym is paying dividends for my sanity and my weight. I feel good after a nice long work out and a soak in the jacuzzi or the sauna or steam room.