phineas Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 STBX say's first draft of D papers went to county clerks so they can assign a number to the case for family court. I should see some paperwork soon. It's (according to her) a fully uncontested divorce. All I have to do is provide a financial statement & agree to the terms of custody. So far she tells me the childrens primary residence will be my house so I can keep them on my health insurance & so they can take advantage of the better school system. It seems too good to be true. However I've found out she has totally ingrained herself into OM's family & they think she is not only divorced, but has been for a long while. She wants to move in with him. I know it in my gut. She doesn't want a divorce. She needs a divorce. Hell, she needs it so badly she's even paying for the lawyer. LOL! She thinks because I don't have a GF I havn't moved on. I tell her I don't need another woman to move on. What I tell her is I need the ability to say "I'm divorced" when I meet women. I tell her to get me those papers & I can. Plus, I can find out if she forgot about the ring she threw at me or more importantly the lawyer didn't put it in the paperwork. Then I can hawk it & maybe buy myself some new clothes. My oldest also told me his full name & used his mother's maiden name. I've since nipped that in the bud & he knows what his last name is.
aimchase Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Great news Phineas, I've read some of your previous posts and can relate to so much of what you have gone through. Some of it is uncanny, it's like the same separation. My ex also thinks the mark of 'moving on' is to find someone else. But these people are just desperate for someone to cling onto and to avoid dealing with their own issues. It's a sad situation and I would bet that in both our cases, the ex will hop from one relationship to the next over the years. I cannot wait for my divorce, but i've had to ask her to initiate it as the cost will be considerably less than if I do. She can say what the hell she likes, i'll do anything to just sign it and get out of a marriage that i'm quite ashamed to be in at the moment. Good on you, especially considering the dealings with the children are as you wanted them. Aim
2.50 a gallon Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 My friend Phineas So good to read that things might be looking up Do not totally trust her word in what the papers agree to and sign them blindly. Have somebody else read them You might have residence, but what does it say about custody? I think if you want to can have it worded that she cannot take the children to OM's house and family Your friend Gallon
Doing it Since '78 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 My friend Phineas So good to read that things might be looking up Do not totally trust her word in what the papers agree to and sign them blindly. Have somebody else read them You might have residence, but what does it say about custody? I think if you want to can have it worded that she cannot take the children to OM's house and family Your friend Gallon I don't think any of that is legally enforceable, unless for some reason the OM lives in a crack or outhouse, or something that is rat infested Other than that, he is going to have to just accept the fact that his kids will be around another joker and his family, and he has little to no control over what his XW does when he is not around. You don't like it, beg for her forgiveness and become a full time doormat for her and the OM, and "keep your family together" if you call that a family. As far as his kids calling the other family members names like grandma, uncle, blah blah, or thinking they are there real family members, he has to just get in the habit of deprogramming them when he gets them, and putting his fatherly stamp on the kids so they know what time it is, and who is who
Author phineas Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 (edited) I plan on having someone else read it. I don't trust her one bit. She says actual days & times of who has the kids is listed. Their primary residence is my home. both parents have decision making ability also (I made sure of that) Essentially I told her if there is anything that takes away from me what I have now when it comes to the kids i'll kick it back un-signed. Restricting my kids from OM's family will come back & bite me in the ass because i'm not going to stay alone forever & at 38 there arn't many single women without kids themselves. I don't want her back. But I still have to deal with her for at least the next 17 yrs. On the funny side, she has allready rolled out the OM as her new wonderful boyfriend to her best friends & family. He's just so much better than the horrible person she mistakenly married. :lmao: Its such a cliche'. It really is. Also, I seriously doubt she will be with this guy much longer. She came onto me the other night. Dropped off something for the kids after they were asleep. She wanted it in the worst way. Turned her down. She's got herself a boyfriend who thinks she's divorced & i'm her crazy ex, yet she wants sex from me because I "always gave it to her good" as she said & because i've been looking better than ever. Yeah, sorry, I told her I just rubbed one out & was going to bed. LOL! I know why she did it too. She's found out that some of the women i've been hanging out with are smoking hot & she has developed some very bad self esteem issues with her weight gain so i'm assuming she needs to feel she is still attractive to me for some reason or another. messed up. Edited March 22, 2010 by phineas
mark982 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 i would of loved to seen her face after you turned her down.
2.50 a gallon Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Phineas The general advice seems to be wait a long time to begin to date again. I claim Bull. It was about a month after our break up when the XW realized that I was seeing someone else and she did a total reversal and wanted me back, big time. I was still her property I am not saying that this always works, but I do know of other situations in which the BS began dating, the wayward spouse had a sudden change of heart.
Author phineas Posted March 23, 2010 Author Posted March 23, 2010 Phineas The general advice seems to be wait a long time to begin to date again. I claim Bull. It was about a month after our break up when the XW realized that I was seeing someone else and she did a total reversal and wanted me back, big time. I was still her property I am not saying that this always works, but I do know of other situations in which the BS began dating, the wayward spouse had a sudden change of heart. I've been seperated since last easter. Tried working it out up until last june. Been single since then. I've had a few FWB in that time but otherwise I only have female friends. No dateing, no nothing. I honestly havn't wanted to deal with the whole answering to someone thing since I gained my "freedom" My kid mentions one woman in particular because he plays with her kid & it has my STBXW rattled big time. She keeps bringing the woman up telling me she doesn't care if I have a GF ect. But I don't. I have serious doubts this woman is interested or even ready herself to date so we are just friends. I really just want my divorce finalized. "hey baby, i'm almost divorced, can I have your number" just does not work as a pick-up line these days. I don't want her back. I don't care if she does have a change of heart or not. as of last week she still blames me for HER affair. I'm the kind of guy who owns up to their mistakes. She is not. I used to be tolerant of that behavior. Not any more. I have to deal with her for a very long time since my youngest is barely two so I need to keep the peace. It isn't too hard because every time she starts anything I refuse to argue & call her on what she is doing. Usually an hr later she is calling me up to apologize.
Author phineas Posted March 26, 2010 Author Posted March 26, 2010 Today the STBXW told me her bank called her today & said if she doesn't pay her car loan they are coming to take her car tomarrow. Boo Fricken Hoo. This is what you get when you & your dad go out & buy a car without consulting your husband. I'm driving a 10 yr old car for a reason. It's paid for. I'm not responcible for her car loan. It is in her name & her father's name. Not mine. I almost lost my house when she left me high & dry. The Home I renovated BEFORE I even met her. Again. Boo Fricken Hoo. I really really really hope OM doesn't break up with her. I don't want the karma train derailing the divorce on her end.
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