The_Blue_One Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 Hi, Ive been split from my ex for 2 years now and I still can't seem to get over him. In this time I had a relationship that lasted 7-8 months but had to end it, cos as much as I wanted to I couldnt love him due to my feelings for my ex. My ex dumped me after an 8month relationship because I went away to study and he felt I became too intense, i.e. ringing all the time, we would also constantly argue because I felt insecure, and in the end although he said he still loved me he couldnt deal with it. This devastated me as although I'd had a long-term boyfriend b4, he was my first true love. I was a total mess and even slightly self-harmed which made matters worse. I would constantly ring him and because he'd hang up and say he didnt want to talk this became a never ending cycle..sometimes we would get on..but mainly he just said I needed to change and what I was doing was driving him away. After nearly a year of this he started seeing someone else casually and so I stopped, Id also sorted myself out a lot by now-been on anti depressants etc, and being a logical person and although my self-esteem was crushed I cldnt carry on and annoy a girl whom it had nothing to do with. Anyway a few weeks later I met a lovely guy who seemed to be right for me started going out-but I couldnt open up properly-kinda felt detached from it all..we got on for about 5months and it was o.k but then I just noticed all these things I didnt like bout him and went off him and ended it. About a month after i started this relationship my ex had started another relationship, which he is still in. He seems to love her and I cant stop comparing myself to her when I see her. They've been together nearly a year now but I still constantly think about him and the what if's drive me insane. It was made worse recently as I saw him over christmas without his girlf and we ended up chatting for ages, he said it made him sad etc.. he kept staring at me rest of night like he still cared. Tore me up-I know we wont get back together but I cant seem to get rid of the hope and I think I still love him. Can't sleep at night for this, has anyone any advice?
confused_and_worried Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 Some serious advise for you would be . " LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T IT WILL JUST KEEP ON HURTING YOU INSIDE "! ! ! ! Work on builting your self esteem back up. Realize that if he loved you he would have worked things out with you, and that if he decide not to than that ment he really didn't care. Concentrade on your self and school. Work on getting your self stable with out anti- depressents. Because if you don't care about your self and learn to love your self , You wont be able to care or love anyone else, Your going to be stuck on the past. Concetrade on the future in particular your future. Untill your able to love your self you wont be able to love any one else. Remember that If you don't care about your self and love your self no one else will. Take care of you self and learn to love your self. Sincerly, me
Marty_McFly Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 I am sure that he does still care, but Confused is right, you have to focus on yourself and your future without him. He has been with someone else for a year, which is not a short time, and a very likely scenario is that he cares about you but is in love with the one he is with and always will be. When we see people we haven't seen in a long time, especially ones we loved, we always think about the great times, but sometimes those are only memories or at least those memories are not enough for us to take it further at the risk/expense of other good things in our lives. Perhaps someday the stars will line up to where you're both single and want to try again. But you definitely can't count on that. It will do two things: make your life miserable, and also cause you to show him your insecurities and cause you to get too "intense" again, the things that drove him away in the first place, further diminishing the chance that those stars will line up.
Marty_McFly Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 Also, take heart in the fact that he still cares about you and thinks fondly of the time you had together. If nothing else, it proves that many of the insecurities you felt (and maybe still feel) are not and never were justified.
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