losinit Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 I keep having this recurrent dream that I am killing my ex-boyfriend. I cannot get the dreams to stop, and I don't know how to get them to go away. Every time I have the dream I feel very angry and lose control of myself into a fit of rage. The dream is always the same: I walk in on him cheating and he and the other girl start laughing at me, I get mad and pick up a metal pipe and hit him on the head until he is dead. I can't stop hitting him during the dream. For some history on this situation, my ex-boyfriend and I broke up on New Years Eve when he admitted that he cheated on me once again, even after I forgave him for the first time. Never believe a cheater when he says he would "never do it again." On top of all that, he was very violent and abusive to me. We were together for almost a year. Since the break up I have felt this anger I have never felt before. It is so intense sometimes. I am not saying I plan on murdering him since he is not worth the prison time, but I also fantasize nearly all day about him dying or something of that nature. Ok so be honest here...I know a few people will say I am wacko or something but how many of you really have dreamt/fantasized about the demise of someone who treated you horribly? I did not deserve the torture he put me through and I feel these intense feelings of rage everyday and VERY frequently. I know these fantasies are not healthy for me but I don't know what to do about it. I at least want to get my hands on him one time, punch him square in the face and kick him where the sun doesn't shine. I know violence is not good to resort to but is it therapeutic to at least fantasize about it? Please tell me your honest experiences even if you have to sign in as a guest as I did. *blush* Is it bad to want to beat the s*#t out of a cheating, lying , abusive ex...and at worst actually want to beat them to death?!
losinit Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 Oh and I just want to make it clear - I do NOT plan on actually killing my ex..these are just dreams so don't think I'm some kind of murderess in the making! : p Just wondering if there is some underlying reason my brain is making these dreams? Does this help you cope with feeling like a victim?
dyermaker Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 If he's not worth the prison time, why is he worth your time? The more you focus on him, negatively or otherwise, the more he continues to dominate you. Thoughts of killing him, as long as they are totally fantasy, aren't terribly unhealthy, but you definitely haven't moved on. You know you've moved on when you couldn't care less if he's happy or not, whether he's dead or alive, whether he's with someone or not. If you hold on to delusions of killing him, you're not going to ever get over him. It's not therapeutic anymore, it's a bit obsessive. Try to find something else to think about, and focus on your feelings about yourself, not him. Good luck, and God bless
moimeme Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 I suspect you could be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I suggest you see a psychologist for a workup. S/he will be able to diagnose and treat the cause of this. Certainly if you were abused, there is a very good chance that you have PTSD. It can be treated very successfully. Don't suffer this any more - get help.
Iamhappy Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 Just wanted to add that Moimeme might be right about the PTSD Syndrome. I was diagnosed with it as well after all the trauma I went through with the evil ex. On another note (re: the dream in which the ex dies or gets killed) - I admit to having felt this way myself. I never wanted to do anything to actually physically hurt him, but (hanging head in shame) I did find myself perking up whenever I'd turn on the tv and there would be news about someone getting hurt or killed. I would gleefully think to myself, "I hope it was him," I'd imagine him dying a terribly slow, painful and agonizing death and then I picture myself dancing on his grave. I told this to my therapist as I was so ashamed to have these kinds of thoughts about someone. Counseling, medication and time does help a great deal in these kinds of cases (obsessive thoughts/feelings).
brashgal Posted January 13, 2004 Posted January 13, 2004 A lot of us have felt this way. It's been only two weeks since your break up, being angry is entirely appropriate. Hopefully you have ways of channelling the anger - clean the house, go for a walk or run. Get counselling - it helps. It's been 6 months for me and I have the occasional wish that he would walk in front of a bus. I no longer see myself making it happen though.
Arabess Posted January 14, 2004 Posted January 14, 2004 Dreamed it HELL.....I've sat down and planned it on PAPER!!!! In the beginning....hate does seem to be the opposite of hate.....and sustains you for awhile. My friend Moimeme (Shacker buddy)......that the opposite of love is NOT hate....it is indifference. I've now given up my "kill skills' and have just refused to let hum rule my waking thoughts. Gook luck to you. Chances are the tiny part of your heart wanting revenge....will understand.....LOL!
Vivid_29 Posted January 14, 2004 Posted January 14, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess Dreamed it HELL.....I've sat down and planned it on PAPER!!!! My goodness, Arabess!!! :lmao: I never ever thought that these thoughts went through your heads. I've done some ladies wrong in the past and the worst thing that they ever did to me, was bust up my car. Do you all really think like that? It all makes sense, though. You all take your emotions to the extreme. When you lovely ladies are happy, you get excited, when you are sad, you are devastated, and when you get angry, some of you can turn evil!!! Ever seen two ladies box? Arabess -- Did you know that female drill instructors are more feared than male ones? I heard that they can be extremely nasty! ~V
doniker Posted January 14, 2004 Posted January 14, 2004 Until you get this anger out of your system the dreams will continue. I get pissed off and want to seek revenge too when someone crosses me. Hell, over a year ago the Arab at the little corner grocery store near my house short changed me $10 and wouldn't believe I was right. I was a good regular customer but I would never step foot in there again. To this day I am still pissed off about this. It's not the money, I just hate it when I know I am correct and someone else wins. Until I seek revenge on that Arab...I will never let this go. Imagine how nuts I would get if I caught my wife cheating?
Arabess Posted January 14, 2004 Posted January 14, 2004 Originally posted by Vivid_29 and when you get angry, some of you can turn evil!!! ~V Yes! If a guy does me wrong....he needs to be afraid....VERY afraid!!! During my divorce settlement (a joke within itself).....the mediator asked us what we wanted to accomplish'. The RatBast*rd-of-a SpermDonor said "I want us to remain friends!'. I replied "I want to catch him in the parking lot and make him road kill!". The mediator gave LoserBoy a 10 minute head start to get out of the parking lot before I was let out of the room.....and threatened me with an anger management course. TFF!!!!
nameless1 Posted January 14, 2004 Posted January 14, 2004 Arabess - I'm curious...what exactly did he do to get you to that point?
Arabess Posted January 14, 2004 Posted January 14, 2004 He left me for a GUY. I ended up with 2 small children, all the bills and no contact or child support for....what???....seven years...as he ventured out to 'find himself'. He 'showed up'....only to talk my 14 year old into moving in with him. My 11 year old doesn't speak to him at all. He can CHOKE on his friggin money now. I'd rather gnaw off my arm than for him to pay for one piece of bread in my house. I hate him with a passion!!!!!! ..actually didn't like him too much while I was STUCK staying married to him either. He was a preacher and full of CRAP!!!!............
Vivid_29 Posted January 17, 2004 Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess Yes! If a guy does me wrong....he needs to be afraid....VERY afraid!!! Arabess - Please tell me that you are playing around. Your ex-hubby left you for another man? ~V
moimeme Posted January 17, 2004 Posted January 17, 2004 I just hate it when I know I am correct and someone else wins. You must be a barrel of laughs!
moimeme Posted January 17, 2004 Posted January 17, 2004 He left me for a GUY Arabess! My husband figured out he was gay, too, after six years of marriage. We weren't going to have kids, fortunately, because custody issues are so difficult. Interesting your reaction, though. I couldn't be mad at him - God made him that way and there's not much I could do about it. He really never had a clue about it. He'd had some indications in his teens, but, like most men will if they aren't strongly attracted to men when they are younger, he denied it to himself and tried to forget about it. It was only when he fell - hard - for some fellow at his work that he realized what was up. We were a lot alike - now I say we had TOO much in common - we BOTH preferred men
Vivid_29 Posted January 17, 2004 Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme He left me for a GUY Arabess! My husband figured out he was gay, too, after six years of marriage. We weren't going to have kids, fortunately, because custody issues are so difficult. We were a lot alike - now I say we had TOO much in common - we BOTH preferred men Moi -- You too? Are you playing around??? If you are serious, my goodness!!! Poor Arabess and Moimeme...That's terrible...**shaking my head** Moi - I guess you learned to accept it, eh? I guess, if I were married, I could accept my wife, leaving me for another woman. I think I would enjoy that too much! ~V
yes Posted January 17, 2004 Posted January 17, 2004 i wonder if it hurts less to be left b/c your partner realized their sexual orientation is diff't from what they thought, than to be left for somebody of your own gender. i've never been in the situation, but there's smth comforting about you not being able to be his partner in principle, as opposed to him falling for another of your kind ... just thinking out loud, -yes
moimeme Posted January 17, 2004 Posted January 17, 2004 Moi -- You too? Are you playing around??? Wouldn't play around with this stuff. there's smth comforting about you not being able to be his partner in principle, as opposed to him falling for another of your kind I can't speak for Arabess, but this was certainly the case for me. After all, the answer to 'what has this new love got that I haven't' is fairly obvious and not really an option for me
Arabess Posted January 19, 2004 Posted January 19, 2004 I was actually RELIEVED!!!! Before I found out....I just thought Mr Two Minute Miracle when he COULD get it up....was somehow MY fault! I have moved on to exonerate myself from that fear with the 14th Fleet (Navy), \3rd Golf Battalion (Marines) and 40th Signal Battalion (Army)...... I don't hate him because he's gay....I hate him because he's a great big worthless self serving F*ckTard! He dissed my children for 7 years, which left an irreparable emotional impact on them. To this day....he's still 'finding himself' and is a financial loser! Oh..and did I mention he was a "Preacher". I was the city clerk....it was humiliating for the whole damn town to know....and then the Church blamed ME for not 'praying him thru it'. JEEZ! I quit my job and moved. I didn't break my heart though. I really didn't and don't care about him at all!!!
moimeme Posted January 19, 2004 Posted January 19, 2004 then the Church blamed ME for not 'praying him thru it'.
SoleMate Posted January 19, 2004 Posted January 19, 2004 Ouuucchhh! And I know it hurts more when you see your kids suffer the rejection, not to mention the poverty. Maybe these poor fellas can't help being gay, but they probably COULD help lying to their wives and themselves about whether they're going to be around to take care of the lives they helped create. Gay men can pay child support just as well as straight men can. Losing your love hurts, but seeing your kids suffer, plus the loads of diapers and homework and bills that comes with single parenthood, and the fact you never get a break..........yeah, there'd be anger there.
fnouri Posted January 25, 2004 Posted January 25, 2004 What is sad is that after the break-up he is still tormenting you. Not because he is doing it, but because you are doing it! It is done, get on with your life. Read my post "Let it Go in 2004. Seek God and give yourself to him. "As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you." - Isiah 66:13
matrixgenius Posted February 13, 2004 Posted February 13, 2004 My ex and I decided to separate around the end of November. We were apart for 2 weeks when I begged her to let me come back to our home. She told me she was afraid of my verbal abusiveness and I told her to please help me in this matter because I don't know what to do about it. She said I need counselling and I agreed but said we need to go together. Well before we could even get an appointment I was out again, mostly because I believe she was taking advantage of the fact that I was already too deep into some abusiveness to get out; so even a small arguement was all she needed to tell me to leave. We agreed it was best for me to get my own place and go from there. It was planned for Jan. 1, but I was so upset about it all that I left on Dec. 24, telling her why bother waiting. You know, reverse psychology. So anyway we exchanged gifts at Christmas, talked with each other nicely until I would bring up what it would take to get back together, and she would say it will never happen. I would say dont say never thats not fair. We would go out for a dinner or 2 over the next few weeks and on her birthday (Jan. 26) I snuck over there at night, told her I missed her horribly and wanted her back. Then we had sex. After this I let it go for a bit, hoping she would call me or something. Well it took a whole week for the call so I decided to ignore it as I was definitely upset, maybe making her try harder. 5 days go by and now I'm pissed so I call her on Fri. 6 to see what the hell is going on and she tells me shes going on a date with a secret admirer. I says what about me, she says we broke up. So I call again on Monday 9 to ask her if I can pick up the remainder of my things since we arent together anymore and since she is dating now. You know, more reverse psychology. She says NO my friend will be here soon, and my ex doesn't want conflicts. I says what the hell, are you having sex with someone else already. She says none of your business and I'll leave your stuff outside for you. Now tell me who wants to kill who? I pray a bus doesn't get the plaesure of killing her because I want that pleasure. I fantasize about it all day.
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