Suicide and Bad Love Life Correlation

[moimeme]

Puppy - I'm glad to hear you're back on balance again.

 

I know I'd never consider it again, because I have learnt ways to deal with my problems or losses

 

Good to hear!

 

As for being 'born like that', to an extent it can be true in that there is definitely a genetic predisposition to depression. Knowing this about yourself (if it's true) is useful; it is immensely beneficial to know one's limits so that one can be on guard to safeguard oneself from crossing them.

 

There are other familial and societal reasons why someone's response to trouble and grief may be to become suicidal; there is very interesting on 'resiliency' (the ability to bounce back from adversity).

 

Bottom line is that you know that difficulties pushed you to desperation once and so you know to be on guard against it happening again.

 

You may not have liked Tony's approach, but this piece of his wisdom is absolutely invaluable:

 

People and events are never obligated to behave or happen as we desire. Life goes on just as it will.

 

Learning to cope with this fact is one of the major chores of growing up, IMHO, and some people never really do make peace with the fact. If you can, it will serve you well in the rest of your life, I promise.

[dario]

Learning to cope with this fact is one of the major chores of growing up, IMHO, and some people never really do make peace with the fact. If you can, it will serve you well in the rest of your life, I promise.

 

 

I needed to hear that and realise that.

[Tony T]

I only wish I could get myself into being in denial. Unfortunately, my mother died when I was 13 and severe life issues ensued thereafter. There were many days when I wished I hadn't been born. However, when I learned to embrace reality and take it in ounce by ounce is when I was able to achieve my own happiness and contentment which continues until today. We have choices on how we react to things.

 

I will say, however, that I also have the benefit of many years of therapy from many schools of psychology...and that has helped a lot. If there's anything in particular which I wrote in my post above which is incorrect, please feel free to set the record straight. I do consider myself, by virtue of my own life experiences which I don't care to share with the audience here, qualified to speak loudly on this subject.

 

I also am wondering what credentials you have to psychoanalyze me on an Internet forum. Since you are convinced I'm in denial, I shall not address anything you have written because you have already broken the cardinal rule of psychology...that is, making a diagnosis before you have spoken with the subject.

 

I am deeply saddened that more people aren't taught to react to life's challenges in a rational, appropriate way rather than one that gets them so upset they would think about taking their life. I don't walk in their shoes so I don't judge them from their point of view. However, I still maintain their coping mechanisms are malformed and in need of fine tuning by a competent therapist and perhaps even prescription drug therapy.

 

I am also deeply saddened that more people aren't able to find better ways of getting attention than threatening suicide...not that everyone who threatens has that motive. Most people with serious suicidal intentions make no threats...they just do it.

 

Life is tough and the universe is totally neutral on what we feel and do. We have to give ourselves the strength to either find our own coping skills or seek out help to achieve those.

 

If your assertion that I need more help than you do is correct, then you are just fine. I am perfectly happy and content with life and I know it's up sometimes and down sometimes...neither ever last and that's perfectly OK with me.

[Vivid_29]

Originally posted by Arabess

 

Thanks for the copy of the letter Viv.

 

You're very welcome.

 

Only once have I ever been in so much pain I didn't WANT to face the next day....but I never contemplated suicide.

 

I know what you mean, girl. I have often thought what this world would be like without me, but never thought of suicide. I can't understand why anyone would want to do something like that to themselves. I love myself, friends, and family way too much to hurt myself. Life isn't always fair, but we have to suck it up and drive on!

 

I'm not talking down on puppy. It's just so sad and confusing as to why anyone would not want to live anymore.

 

~V

[Puppy]

It's NOT Judgement day.

 

Drugs are addictive, I do not wish to be happy if that's the only way I can be happy, by taking antidepressants.

 

I feel no need to justify myself to anyone, but I've seen terrible things happen to people due to comments similar to yours, 17year old boy hung himself in his garage, pressure to be perfect and if your not, then you need to take drugs or be told that your born like that.

 

Look, your no therapist & your life experience isn't in any way basis for you to make comments like that.

 

Good luck, and as for myself, putting me down due to what I did must've made you happy & I hope it has wise man. even if I was born like this, that give you NO RIGHT! I'm not making excuses for my actions, but wanting to die is sometimes the only resolution to problems that will EAT AT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! I ain't here to compare my losses with anyone, because everyone is different.

 

When I'm gone, there's nothing that I'll regret!

 

goodbye-

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Puppy

When I'm gone, there's nothing that I'll regret!

 

Please stay.

[Thinkalot]

Hi Puppy....it would still be good for you to maybe chat to a counsellor, either in person, or via a helpline or something. Counselling has helped me through both big and small problems! Also, re the anti-depressants, sometimes they can help if you just take them for a short time (6 months)...sometimes your brain chemicals can just get a bit out of whack when you've been depressed for a while or whatever. I actually started taking them about 6 weeks ago, to help me overcome obsessive thinking and anxiety, and they've been helping me! And I know I won't be taking them forever.

 

I send you many blessings and happiness. Don't forget to chat to us online whenever you need to, even if it's just to vent!

[moimeme]

Drugs are addictive

 

Untrue, Puppy. Only some drugs are and most anti-depressants are not. Your brain is just a hunk of meat, Puppy. It can get screwed up exactly the way your liver or pancreas or heart can and, as for the other organs, you take drugs to fix the problem. You know what you get when you take all the water out of someone? A pile of chemicals because that's all we are. So taking a chemical made in a factory is no biggie - it's just more of what your body should be making but isn't.

 

People get way too scared of drugs - and they end up harmed because of that.

 

wanting to die is sometimes the only resolution to problems that will EAT AT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

 

See, that won't happen. Really, it will not. But if you are depressed, the depression convinces you that this is true when it's a bunch of BS. That's the thing about having messed-up brain chemicals. Your brain will deceive you into believing your pain is endless when that's simply not true. Do you really want to buy into a lie?

 

Tony and others suggested counselling. I strongly urge you to go see a counsellor as well. They are trained to help people work through regrets and other issues that make their lives difficult.

[Aonz]

A list of reasons for suicide:

 

Altruistic suicide. Voluntary death for the good of a group (e.g. Japanese Kamikaze pilots or hunger strikes).

 

Philosophical Suicide. Various philosophical schools, such as stoics or existentialists have advocated suicide under some circumstances.

 

Religious Suicide. Usually in the form of martyrdom. Found in the early stages of Christianity and during the Reformation and the Inquisition. More recently seen in mass suicides among members of the Solar Temple in Switzerland.

 

Escape from unbearable sitations. Persecution, terminal illness, chronic misery. There were huge numbers of suicide during the time of pestilence or oppression (e.g. Jews in Medieval Europe with the choice of conforming to Christianity or death, Jews during the Nazi-tyranny or blacks and Native Americans in the New World. More recently AIDS has caused similar reactions.

 

Excess Alcohol and Drug use.

 

Feelings of Guilt. After harming another person be it accidental or intentional.

 

Romantic suicide. See Romeo and Juliet but more frequent among people who have lived together for a long time when one of them dies or is terminally ill (which may lead to suicide pacts).

 

Anniversary Suicide. See above.

 

Contagion Suicide. When one suicide sparks one or a serious of other suicides. E.g. after the powerful scenes of Russian roulette as shown in the Michael Cimino film "The Deer Hunter", the number of gunshot suicides rose significantly.

 

An attempt to manipulate others. "If you don't do this, I will kill myself."

 

Seek help or send a distress signal (that fails and leads to unintentional death).

 

Punishment. "You'll be sorry when I'm dead and all the guilt will be on your head".

 

Cultural Approval. Ritual suicide (Japanese harakiri or seppuku) mostly associated to matters of honor.

 

Lack of outside source to blame for one's misery.

 

Other. Most suicides have multiple causes.

 

Source: Geo Stone: Suicide and Attempted Suicide. Methods and Consequences

[eagle_nate]

Hey there All:

I work in the social field and have done extensive study on suicide.

The key question is: have you thought of ways to actually commit the act? If not, then it's a normal experience given your loss. If you have, call someone, send a smoke signal, seek help, but don't do anything stupid please. It's cliche and easy for me to say but it's true...you will be past this soon and feeling good about your decisions and experiences. I'm just starting to heal from a wonderful relationship gone sour, and I'd be lying if i didn't admit to some of those feelings, but it's past and now it's just the good old-fashioned pain...good luck to you

Nathan

[Mollyanna]

Puppy:

 

I know a lot about depression and also a lot about having a broken heart.

 

My relationship Statistics:

I can't tell you how many times I have cried over a guy. I jump into relationships very quickly and get hurt very badly. And then the depression sets in. I have very seldom went without a guy since I was 18 years old. There is always someone within a month of the last one. My longest relationship has been 6 months - and I have been engaged twice.

 

My Depression Statistics:

I have attempted suicide twice - both times after being brokeup with from guys that I barely knew. I also have put myself into the hospital 5 times in the last 3 years for suicidal thinking or inability to stop crying or leave my house.)

 

OK to the casual observer here, I look pretty screwed up. Maybe I am. But I function. Through all of this, I completed my B.S. and I am working on my Masters. I have a very challenging and successful professional worklife. But I suffer from Clinical Depression. Depression is a disease. You are born with it. It does not discrimate based on age, race, gender, social class, education, or IQ. And throughout your life, your depression affects every aspect of your life even without you noticing it. I know that I am a Savior Seeker. I look for someone to carry me away from my sadness. And that affects EVERY SINGLE relationship in my life. I hover, push, pull, and force relationships to move too quickly. And thus the guys freak out and leave and then I hit the vicious cycle of thinking that I will always be alone and will never have anyone and what is wrong with me, and a couple of weeks later hit the clubs or bars again to meet someone else. When someone else shows interest I am happy again - but then the cycle starts again. I can't let this person leave me! I don't want to be hurt again! So, I move into the relationship way too fast again. And again I get burnt.

 

My therapists in the past have tried over a dozen antidepressants on me. I take them a few days or even a few weeks and can't handle the sideeffects or just don't want to be dependant on drugs because that somehow makes me weak. Besides, I am strong. I make it through all of these situations. I made it through being beaten by one guy, being raped by another. I have survived cheaters and liars and manipulators.

 

So to answer your question - yes I do see the correlation between failed relationships and depression.

Failed Relationship - aggravated Depression.

Depression - aggravated Successful Relationships.

 

I am 31 years old and fear I will never be married or have childen because I don't know how to have a happy relationship. But I keep trying anyway. That is all I can do. Drugs aren't the answer to everyone. And as I have finally discovered this time, I need some time to myself. I am going to fix myself first before it is too late. While I am on this "break" with my boyfriend, I am going to workout, read, do volunteer work, and write. My Savior has to be me - not some guy - or I will always be stuck in the emotional rollercoaster and always suicidal after a breakup.

 

I am sorry this is long. Just writing this has helped me put a lot in perspective tonight. I hope it helped you as well.

[Zippy-TheRabidGerbil]

Originally posted by YX32Nemesis

I was just wondering what everyones opinions were on the cause of depression/suicide being linked to a bad love life..

 

Last night I saw a television program that dealt with depression. The counselors for the suicide hotline said the problems they heard most involved problems in one's love life: being broken up with, cheated on, rejected, so on and so forth.

 

Do you think that having problems in one's love life is the main cause of depression and ultimately suicide? Or is it an underlying problem that only becomes worse with such losses and hurt?

 

All I know is that I most certainly think it is related, as the loss of my last relationship has sunk me into a neverending battle with the question "what makes life worth living?"

 

If you can't trust the person closest to your heart to tell you the truth, what good is any of it?

 

Short Answer. YES.

 

Long Answer:

 

It can be one of the major issues leading to depression/suicide, most definely

 

From my own experience, it is proving to be a major issue and a major struggle.

 

My background: I've never had a relationship or significant other. period. I am the flip side of the quote of that it is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all. I'm not some 13 year old high schooler either, I'm a 25 year old with a resiblence of a career.

 

My work is my life. I put a significantly large portion of my life and energy into my career. Simply because; 1 to get anywhere in my chosen career thats what you have to do, and 2; because I have nothing else.

 

Everyone who I work with is in some sort of serious relationship/marriage. Nearly all of peer group is either married or in significant live in relationships. The single members of my circle of friends have had at least 2-3 relationships at some time of their lives.

 

I don't sit on the couch and pine for someone either. I'm usually out in my spare time travelling, or mountain biking, kayaking, sailing etc. I'm active and fit. I am getting sick of doing things alone all the time.

 

As can be gathered, my love life is non-existent. Not through lack of trying either, and not really trying at that. I'm open to meeting new people, and happy to talk to anyone. I do talk to anyone. When it comes to meeting women, I'm laid back, and not the type to chase. However I am the type to get the 'lets be friends' routine over and over again, even before a woman really gets to know me.

 

I believe I am not the desperate type. I am realistic about things. I'm not proposing marriage after meeting for 5 minutes.

 

I am constantly rejected by women. In the past few months, I have lost all hope for any sort of love life / relationship. If past history is anything to go by, this I belief I believe is founded. There is obviously something wrong with me. As can be seen from track record.

 

Any thoughts of a attractive member of the opposite sex / dreams and hopes of a partner in life bring feelings of overwheling despair and hopelesness.

 

I don't often think about my love life at all. My career is my anti-depressant and pain killer. If it goes well. Here lies the problem. When I have a weak moment and let my thoughts dwell on my 'love life' I get depressed, badly.

 

Yes I'm completating suicide. The thought has crossed my mind. However completating and excuting are two different things. My career is going nowhere fast and life has seemed to have lost or at least blurred it's meaning.

 

So I hope that answers your question.

[moimeme]

You are still very young. You have a whole lot of life ahead of you. Some people don't find their partners until their thirties or even forties. There is no law or rule that you must have found your mate by X age. That many of your friends are married only means their lives are on different paths, not that yours is failed or bad.

 

Make the most of your life; continue to experience new things, go new places, and meet people. You have your whole life ahead of you and every day brings new opportunities.

[Zippy-TheRabidGerbil]

Yes and I still continue to do that.. live life and make the best of what I've got..

 

I must come across as desperate or something.. I can't even get a woman to have coffee with me.. I mean it's coffee for pete sakes.. not a god damn marriage proposal..

 

I spent the day on the water in a kayak the other day.. finished off with a bit of mountain biking, but you know what.. when I get home.. thats when it hits me the most.. at night... spend the day by yourself.. spend the night by yourself..

 

I think I'll either turn gay or put a gun in my mouth... I'm sick of feel like s***e and trying to be all smiles... If I had my way.. I wouldn't have god damn emotions in the first place..

[moimeme]

Zippy, being alone is not horrible. Learn to enjoy it. You can use alone time to do lots of things; learn new stuff, take up a hobby, you name it. Join some clubs.

 

For you to say that you're at the point where you'll turn gay or off yourself means you are more than desperate - and people will know that. You think you need somebody to make you feel better - you do not. Those problems are within you and spending time with a woman won't fix that.

 

There are people on this board older than you and in the same situation and they are nowhere near the despair you are in. I think it's time for you to go to your school's counselling department and ask them for help. If you are genuinely suicidal, call a crisis line or go to a hospital right away. There is also a great website: http://www.metanoia.org

 

Next step is make friends - GUY friends. Hang out with some other guys and do things with them. Satisfy your need for company with friends. Maybe even get a roommate.

 

But the bottom line is that as long as you feel that you NEED another human to feel better, that attitude will shine through and, yes, it will scare people off. That is why you need to get yourself some help ASAP to get rid of that feeling. Once you decide that you are great company, other people will pick up on that and they'll start to believe it, too.

[dario]

Puppy,

 

I've read through some of your post...albeit, I must admit, that I glanced over alot of it. The word suicide caught my eye. Over the past couple of months since my g/f broke up with me I have contemplated suicide. It has truly been a terrifying experience. Just that word 'suicide'... I have alot of highs and lows and the lows hit hard and the promise of a good future is a strange one to comprehend. Over time, this feeling of 'eternal sleep' will leave the system....the pain will still exist...but this strong feeling of doom will leave you. Please give it time, Puppy. It's a hard thing to deal with - I know that well. It's surreal and seemingly without promise. If you need to take time out for yourself - do it. Give yourself this year to believe in yourself. Believe in what you can achieve...whatever your dreams may be. All mistakes and unanswered questions will still exist....but they will be seen with a healthier mind and spirit. At present, I am giving myself this year to better myself both financially, mentally and, in a sense, to reclaim my spirit.

 

It does have an empowering sense of limbo about it...it's never been quite like this before. But I know that I can usher the darkness to the side and do what I need to do to get myself through.

 

In times like these it's a hard gamble as to who to turn to. I have some beautiful and strong friends....and, of late, I've talked to them. One in particular produced this beautiful reasoning...and really, in the simplest way, assured me that I have alot to offer this world. It was free of grand conversation....he simply took my arm and

said something along the lines of, 'Man, you're doing it tough. But no matter what - I know what you are capable of in this world.' To hear these words from a dear friend in the early hours of the morning after a whole night of busking....he just assured me that I should be free of guilt and that life was there for me to enjoy.

 

I'm rambling (i'm known to do so)....but, hell, I'm going to give it a shot. I really hope that you do too.