Suicide and Bad Love Life Correlation

January 12, 2004

I was just wondering what everyones opinions were on the cause of depression/suicide being linked to a bad love life..

Last night I saw a television program that dealt with depression. The counselors for the suicide hotline said the problems they heard most involved problems in one's love life: being broken up with, cheated on, rejected, so on and so forth.

Do you think that having problems in one's love life is the main cause of depression and ultimately suicide? Or is it an underlying problem that only becomes worse with such losses and hurt?

All I know is that I most certainly think it is related, as the loss of my last relationship has sunk me into a neverending battle with the question "what makes life worth living?"

If you can't trust the person closest to your heart to tell you the truth, what good is any of it?

January 12, 2004

Originally posted by YX32Nemesis
Do you think that having problems in one's love life is the main cause of depression and ultimately suicide? Or is it an underlying problem that only becomes worse with such losses and hurt?

The second one.

The "what makes life worth living" feeling is a normal part of expunging a meaningful relationship from your heart. I don't think you're truly suicidal, unless there's something else. My guess, just from the people I know who have entertained suicide, is that there are other issues of abandonment. Some people do it for attention. I'm sure there are people who kill themselves over love issues, a great number, but the main cause--no.

January 12, 2004

dyermaker, you are right I am not truly suicidal, but definitely down in the dumps at the moment. It just really sucks when someone that doesn't even give jacks*** about you has such an effect on your whole life- has the power to make you feel so miserable while they are out having a good 'ol time and thinking nothing of it. And I don't even mean causing just emotional pain but physical pain. Through this depressing time I have not only battled mental anguish but also bad nausea when I think of him cheating on me (plays like a movie over and over in my mind).

I guess what I am wondering is if the root cause of people feeling unhappy is due to their love life. This seems to be undeniably the main agenda for most people: to find their sole mate, live happily ever after. When this dream is shattered it seems to bring your whole life down with it.

From past experience, I've noticed that the depression lasts until I meet someone new to transfer those feelings to. Until then, I am in constant melancholy. What I am wondering is if no new door is opened, does the melancholy continue to persist to the point where you just can't take it anymore?! I'm not suicidal, but I cannot stand the thought of living life like this for an extended period of time.

Just made me think that the sole source of happiness really does reside in one's love life, and that maybe there was more to what the suicide counselors said than what meets the eye.

Just ramblin' on...

January 12, 2004

Originally posted by YX32Nemesis
This seems to be undeniably the main agenda for most people: to find their sole mate, live happily ever after. When this dream is shattered it seems to bring your whole life down with it.

I get what you're saying, it's such a ruthless dream, and not everyone gets there. It's just that, the reward is so great, people are willing to hurt themselves trying.

From past experience, I've noticed that the depression lasts until I meet someone new to transfer those feelings to. Until then, I am in constant melancholy. What I am wondering is if no new door is opened, does the melancholy continue to persist to the point where you just can't take it anymore?! I'm not suicidal, but I cannot stand the thought of living life like this for an extended period of time.

That's not normal. Well, actually, it is normal, but it's not healthy. Often times people will be depressed, and then when they find a new relationship, this makes them happy. Even if it's a norm, it's not good. On the subject of suicide, do you remember Romeo and Juliet? Romeo wasn't in love with Juliet per se, he was in love with being in love. His depression from "Not having that, which, having, makes [hours] short." made him so depressed, he didn't even want to go to cool parties where you wear cool masks, which was cool back then. But when he did, he met Juliet, and attached himself to her, perhaps to deal with his depression. Look where that landed em both, they died. It's not a good idea to use relationships to fix yourself, because the relationships are practically never what you deserve.

Just made me think that the sole source of happiness really does reside in one's love life.

This is only true if you let it be true, which seems to not be working out for you. You cannot invest your emotional worth in another person, codependency = bad. Your positive image of yourself should never stem from another person, their love, their favor, their approval--it's bad, it leads to bad relationships, and it's not what you want, if you want to escape the cycle of pain. If you're needs are never met, you're never going to be happy. And even if you don't end up killing yourself, you won't ever reach your goal described above.

Ramble on.

January 12, 2004

Just made me think that the sole source of happiness really does reside in one's love life,

Absolutely, unequivocally NO. Your source of happiness needs to come from within you. When you give others the power over your happiness, you rob yourself. The best thing you could do is to remain alone for a while until you learn to love your own company. There are so many fulfilling things to do in this world!!!

If you persist in this gloom, see a physician.

if the root cause of people feeling unhappy is due to their love life

No. Some people are broke. Some people suffer great losses like deaths in the family. Others lose jobs or careers. There are lots of reasons people feel grief, but depression can also be biochemical.

January 28, 2004

I read your message today simply because the only answer to a broken relationship & rejection in my head is "suicide" .

I'm a bit cautious & hesitant and at the same time I want to hurt him so badly and leave a mark on him forever. But I also think about my family, I don't want to hurt them! It's been on my mind ever since the first break up I had with this guy, and last nite he drove me so crazy by telling me that he doesn't want me. Even when I asked him to help me due to an abortion I'm left very much depressed and lonely.

So I'm asking who ever's reading this, I want to hurt a guy who has used me when he needed me most & now that he has everything, he doesn't want me I prefer to disappear from the face of the earth! and I'm looking to do it somehow.

January 28, 2004

You are not thinking straight. You won't just hurt him; you will hurt all the people you supposedly love. Don't you dare be that selfish.

go read this website http://www.metanoia.org

You have a whole life to live and great things to experience - and you want to deprive yourself of this just to 'hurt' him???? You're the one you're hurting! Please read that site right away.

January 28, 2004

Originally posted by Puppy
So I'm asking who ever's reading this, I want to hurt a guy who has used me when he needed me most & now that he has everything, he doesn't want me I prefer to disappear from the face of the earth! and I'm looking to do it somehow.

Guys who live their lives like this get their payback tenfold, don't let him ruin your life any longer. Please, don't kill yourself. You will find someone who cares about you.

Right now, find a professional to help you. Don't wait until tommorow, start looking tonight. Your suicidal thoughts coupled with the loss of your unborn child can be extremely painful--Don't feel bad about needing help, because once you are helped, you will feel better, there's no shame in it.

I worry and care about you, and I've never met you, I just read what you told me just now. There are others who care about you, live your life for them now, until you can live it for yourself.

You are in my prayers.

January 28, 2004

[color=blue][/color] Thank you. I've been juggling with this for over a week. I feel sucked in by the thought. He made a promise to be there after the abortion & I told him it would be very difficult for me to cope (cuz I wanted to keep baby) but he changed instantly he killed my first child, now all I have is just a glimpse of her/his scan before the butcher took him/her from me ! God I feel so disadvantaged, like nothing I ever do or say is important anymore. I'm not ashamed, but I'm living with a big secret from my own family , cuz if they knew, he'd be the first to DIE!

Please someone tell me what I should do with this guy who's ruined my life over the past year, I lost my job because of him, he made me cut contact with my best friend now when I ask him to be there for me, HE just says SORRY I CANT HELP YOU. :( Is it possible for someone to be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo CRUEL and SELFISH??? I think he's met someone else, but he keeps telling me THAT I'm CREATING things in my head ! I may be suicidal, but I ain't an idiot.

Life is beautiful, I used to think that, now all I think "what's the point if this is all I'll ever GET"

January 28, 2004

This man is a terrible person, cease ALL contact with him. You don't want this person in your life. You can't change how much he hurt you, but you can stop yourself from being a victim again. Are you open to therapy like I suggested? People do love you, God loves you--you will find someone that deserves and respects you.

January 28, 2004

Puppy, this guy was a class A JERK, but that does not mean all guys are jerks. There is zero reason to believe he is all you will ever get. You can move forward and find a good, decent man. There are tons of them!!!!!

You had a spot of bad luck. Everybody has a 'jerk' story. We dump the idiots, and we spite them by going on to live much better lives. You want to know how to hurt him? Survive. THRIVE!!! Go on to a MUCH better life than you ever could have had with him. You CAN do this! If you die, he'll feel bad for a bit and then forget about you. If you live and thrive, you're rubbing your success in his face every day. Do NOT give up on life because of this twit!!! He is absolutely not worth it - he showed you that by behaving like a total jerk. He does not deserve to have you sacrifice yourself for him!!!!!

January 28, 2004

That is what I keep thinking, you see I'm not totally insane, I think of consequences. I don't want to leave my parents, when I think of them my spine shivers, because I can only imagine how devastated they'd be if I did kill my self. Or even attempt it. I have attempted suicide before, (years ago) that's why I'm afraid. I know what will happen if I FAIL again, they will put me in mental health for weeks and I know I'll just come out worse than now.

This guy who is just the biggest liar on earth has the audacity to tell me "he can't help me" while I was basically reaching out for HELP!!!! I was trying to tell him how hurt I was over the abortion, but he just said sorry can't Help

Now his mates call me or msg me to say I was a whore, and he did good. How orthodox of them, they don't know me, why are they judging me ? I wish I had a brother who could call him and tell him to grow up & act responsible when someone he claimed to love is thinking of ending her life. If anyone wants to call the bastard and give him your opinion, this number will catch him on his toes, (removed). I live in Australia - and I'm so sad that I don't have even a single friend to call on at this time. It seems I'm punishing myself for the abortion, I refuse to eat, I just drink coffee to stay awake, I'm a time bomb - any tick could be the last one.

Thank you everyone - 2mrw will never be the same again.

"THERE'S NO ROSE WITHOUT A THORNE"

January 28, 2004

Please don't kill yourself.

When he says that he "can't help you" he is NOT lying. The man is cruel, and not representative of who you deserve. You don't want his help, he'll only hurt you again. Killing yourself is not a good idea, it doesn't solve the problem of pain, it doesn't make the pain go away, and it certainly doesn't get back at this man.

PLEASE, seek counseling. It's not a mental hospital, just someone to talk to. You can get through this, you can be happy, nothing you have done is finite, you are not destined for pain.

January 28, 2004

Puppy, did you read that link I posted?

You are depressed, and rightly so. You need to see a counsellor.

January 28, 2004

Puppy...please don't do anything foolish.

You can overcome the pain as time passes. You don't live for anyone. You live for your own-self.

Please think positive....keep all everything in best condition...you will meet someone who deserve you much more. And it will come.......

Think for your parents....they will be your motivating force.

I ever thought of committing suicide because of my H found new love outside. But I bite on as I thought of my mother. She will be heart broken if I am gone forever. It helps.....When I thought of her, I hang on and came back home......

January 28, 2004

Hi Puppy- I've just read your posts. You have so much to live for, even if it doesn't feel like it right now! And your family loves you and you can find new happiness in your life. There are also so many great people in the world who will want to be your friend.

Heck, I have just met you on here, but I care about you and your welfare! I want you to seek counselling and some help so you can overcome your pain and anger. It's quite understandable that you feel that way. I've been very hurt and angry before, but there are ALWAYS reasons to live, and eventually those feelings pass to be replaced by something great!

If you need someone to talk to right away these sites might help you find a 24 hr helpline in Australia.

http://www.suicide-helplines.org/australia.htm

http://www.lifeline.org.au/pages/links.php

Sending you my blessings.

January 29, 2004

I'm here.......

The thought was choking me, and it did errupt on wednesday night........

I tried to do something silly but I was too chicken to end it.....cutting your wrist is quite dispicable when you don't want to die!

Now I look at my wrist with a few marks & scratches which did bleed but not deep enough for the full monty! Thank God! I'm glad I'm here today, and I just wanted to thank you all for the emotional support.

It means the world to me & and I will never forget it.

January 30, 2004

Please, Puppy, never let this get you so bad again. Come back to LoveShack, PM me, do whatever, but your life is precious to the planet. Stay with us, please

February 1, 2004

I second that Puppy...PM me if you want to chat any time. We care about you!

February 1, 2004

Puppy....Stay on !!!!

The world is still beautiful as ever....more wonderful things to do and persons to meet

February 1, 2004

If any person is dependent on anything outside of themselves to make them happy and stable (boyfriend, husband, job, organization, trip, etc.) they are in serious trouble. If any person isn't able to react to loss in a rational way, with sadness and disappointment, rather than depression so severe it could lead to suicide, they are ill prepared for life and in need of therapy or other medical interventions. People and events are never obligated to behave or happen as we desire. Life goes on just as it will. To kill oneself just because something didn't happen the way we demanded it should is pretty silly....but it does happen all the time. Those who kill themselves under these circumstances were unbalanced to begin with.

It springs up from childhood where if others won't play their way, they'll take their marbles and go home instead of finding more suitable playmates. As adults, they take the attitude that if you won't love me, I'll take my life and go home. Pretty silly because nobody cares and they deny themselves even better love later on. People who are suicidal, in my opinion, don't understand the process of life is to be enjoyed no matter how painful it might be. It's life, it's the way it happens, it's the way it is and you can't control it. That's OK because if you don't get killed along the way, eventually things work out pretty well.

If everybody who got dumped or had a bad love life now and then killed themselves because of it, there wouldn't have been many people to come to America and settle it...there probably would be no Bill Gates....no Henry Ford. Hell, I'll bet the guy who invented ice cream got creamed a few times by girls himself.

February 1, 2004

Puppy - READ -- READ -- READ!!!

The letter below was written shortly before the writer took an overdose of pills to kill herself. We have not changed incorrect spelling or punctuation. It is indicative of the state she was in and makes this note more valuable.

Why did he do this to me? He said he loved me and wanted to marry me. How could he spend so much time with her and not care how I feel. I can not handle this with classes and moms problem. The classes are getting to much for me to copy with. I wish I could just die, then I wouldn't be a problem to everyone.

Moms drinking is getting worse and I can not handle it. She is showing Bob & Patty that it is okay to drink a lot but also to drink and drive. I'm so confused all we do is fight. Whenever I'm in the house it is always fighting. I want out of all of it. Please make it all stop. Take the confusion away.

I'm all a lone, nobody cares whether I live or die. All I ever do is cause problems for everyone. How can I get him back. That bastard doesn't know how much he means to me and my life. I don't have a life without him.

Mom and Patty have left me. Can't they see how bad I am. Don't they care. Please God do something for me and make this my time to go. I can not make the grades like Bob and I'm so ugly nobody wants to care for me. I'm so stupid to think that he could've cared for me.

I can't make it through school, I cause my family problems and I can't keep a man in my life. I'm a failure in everything that is important to me. The only way out of this is to die.

How can I trust anyone? I want to say goodbye to mom, Patty & Bob. You are my family and mean more to me than my life. I'm sorry I have caused you so many problems and fights.

Mom I wish I could've been the person you and Dad wanted me to be. But I'm not smart, pretty, athletic, or skinny. I know that you and Dad never wanted me when I was born and I wish like hell that I never was born. I can't do anything right and all I do is cause the rest of the family to fight.

Why can't I have a talk with anyone. You're all so busy and here I sit. Please someone do something so I can't feel the hurt anymore. I hurt so bad, what can I do?

I'm trying to watch TV but I don't know what I'm watching. It's so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won't come. I'm so tired of hurting and being a lone. I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I'm scared. My head hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I'm scared I won't stop and I would want to stop.

Nobody cares why should I? I cause problems for everyone I care about so why should I stay. Why am I such a terrible person. Nothing I do is right. I don't understand.

I don't have any choice in the matter. To make everything better I have to die. I can't make it right by living. I'm so scared I want out but oh I don't know.

I wish he would call to say everything is all right. I've lost the most important thing in my life. I'm so very tired of being alone, and making everyone miserable.

I'm so fat, ugly and stupid, how can I expect me to be able to do anything right? I've failed at everything. There is nothing for me here. I don't want to go on. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Please believe me. I love you all so very much, and I don't want to hurt you anymore.

I'm so cold, please do something. I can't stand this empty feeling that I'm having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no control over anything in my life. I'm breaking into pieces. Somebody do something.

The obvious hopelessness and pain reach out to us. It is reprinted here to give you a glimpse into the thoughts and feelings of any individual who has reached the end of hope.

The writer of this note survived the attempt and has moved forward with her life. She now views suicide with a different outlook. She realizes it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. She realizes also that she may feel that way again. And she lives on--a testament to courage and to life.

We thank her for sharing this very private pain with us, knowing that she did so hoping that it would help us to help others.

I hope this helps! Don't do anything foolish!

~V

February 1, 2004

You guys did a great job helping Puppy.....I am honored to share a forum with you!

Thanks for the copy of the letter Viv. It's hard for me to understand why anyone's self esteem would get so low...but I read the letter and can see where the pain in her life had just pulled her to a dark place.

To the original thread poster:

Only once have I ever been in so much pain I didn't WANT to face the next day....but I never contemplated suicide.

I've always figured that if things are as bad as they can get.....I might as well stick around and see the end result. Usually, things are not as bad as they appear to be once some time has passed.

February 1, 2004

I read your post & all it made me realize is that your in denile.

What are you doing here if you totally believe in what you say? I came here to share my feelings & thoughts with other people, and the topic was quite obvious once I logged into it. What made you come in & decide to be the one who has worked out what the purpose of life is? What gives you the right?

I believe in life, I love life just like many others, but there's a point in one's life where thinking right is the last thing one's able to do. I don't blame you for thinking like you do, but we were also born TO SHOW emotion, & to even BREAK down if needed, that's living, what your doing is avoiding all the imbalances that emotional stress can cause & mind you, go to any psychotherapist & they'll tell you the same.

We are NOT born like this, please!!!!!! No one is born suicidal. you have no idea. I've been to the lowest point of life, where nothing mattered to me not just because someone left me, but because at that time I felt hopeless, I felt like ending the pain of losing my child & the loss of my boyfriend straight after. I don't expect you to understand, because Tony you wear a MASk to hide imperfections. I rather be who I am but at least be honest with my feelings and not be afraid to break down and cry my eyes out. I appreciate your thoughts and everyone is free to have their own opinion on this, but please don't claim you know the REASON to why peple commit suicide, are you a counsellor? Have you talked to many suicidal people as a professional? My understanding of your comment was, NO! Not at all.

Life is what you make it, and if I make it by expriencing every aspect & corner of life, (high's & lows) then I'm set to be STRONGER & I know I'd never consider it again, because I have learnt ways to deal with my problems or losses, instead of hurting myself, I'm going to prevent it from becoming a life threat.

Had I read your message a week ago, I was so weak & shattered that I'd actually believe what you said, that I must've been born with imbalanaces & suicidal, & I would've definitely done something to hurt myself, cuz your putting people like myself down by trying to pull us down even further. We were not born like this, this is PART OF LIFE & no matter what you say, I KNOW THAT YOU NEED MORE HELP than I do!

"It's better to have loved & lost, than never to have loved at all"

Cheers. & many thanks.

February 1, 2004

Thank you Vivid for sharing that with me. I do appreciate all the support & I truly understand her frame of mind at that point in her life. I can relate to her words so much, it was too close to home, but I'm happy that SHE'S overcome IT & she's living a BETTER life because of this experience. That is what I'm trying to do

Thanks Vivid. xx

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