Haruka Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Normally my partner has been casual with me, maybe a quick hug, caressing and that's it. We have been together for five years. We are not engaged as he said he didn't want to rush into anything. Well ever since we started going into the city clubbing and especially when meeting up with lesbian friend of mine. I have noticed he is starting to get a lot more affectionate. He now holds my hand when we walk down the street, when we went to a concert, he had his arms around my waist and rested his chin upon my head and he started to stroke my hair. I guess a part of it is because my lesbian friend flirts openly with me in front of him and I playfully return the flirts. Mainly with quick kisses on the cheek or stroking her jaw with my finger tips. I'm being my bubbly self. His response to that was holding me when we were sitting opposite our friend, placing his hand inside the back of my jeans and holding my waist. Last night he said to our friend, that he notices guys come up to me and flirt or try to get my attention or the guys eyeing me when I walk pass or dance. His tone seemed to be that of annoyance of this. I'm just kind of confused as to why all of a sudden he seems keen to show me off as his girlfriend, before he didn't seem to bother doing it much and I was always the one displaying the affection. What is he now showing to me?
mrt336 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 I'd say he's just trying to show that you two are together. I find it flattering but also annoying when guys hit on my girlfriend, so maybe he feels the same way. This way they know that you're together and he's probably hoping it happens a bit less.
2sunny Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 he's marking his territory. showing others that you belong with him...
Author Haruka Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 Well thing is that he never really bothered before. When we have gone to pubs, dance clubs etc he didn't bother. Before going to the city, he didn't even bother. To the outside it looked like we were close friends. Just now all of a sudden he is all for affection in public and in private. I have lost a bit of weight and slowly toning my body. It is rather a cause of confusion.
mrt336 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Maybe he just really enjoys your new slimmer, toner body!
sweetjasmine Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 he's marking his territory. showing others that you belong with him... Yeah, and he might be a little jealous. If he's more affectionate, then other guys will stay away, and you won't be tempted to find someone else, either.
Author Haruka Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 Haha Mrt that sounds pretty shallow. . Who knows right, especially when our lesbian friend openly said she would love to get with me in the sack in front of him. If he gives his permission of course. He seemed uncomfortable about the whole idea.
ADF Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Sorry, but after 5 years, he cannot honestly say it is "rushing." I think what you've got on your hands is a man who doesn't want to get married. Ever. Period. That aside, what you're seeing is evidence of that fact male jealousy is mostly about men protecting their "turf" from other men. In this case, the potential turf violator happens to be female, but the dynamic is essentially the same. By touching you in public, he sending a clear message to everyone around that you are his and they should back off. Kind of like a dog growling over a bone.
Author Haruka Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 PDF which is why it is annoying me that he doesn't seem interested in marrying me yet he is being jealous of me getting attention. Don't know what gives.
carhill Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 PDF which is why it is annoying me that he doesn't seem interested in marrying me yet he is being jealous of me getting attention. Don't know what gives. Any other changes in behavior or how he spends his time? To me, his actions and words aren't matching. Look closer.
ADF Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 PDF which is why it is annoying me that he doesn't seem interested in marrying me yet he is being jealous of me getting attention. Don't know what gives. What gives is he wants you, but only on his own terms. He doesn't want to make a firm commitment to you, because that might limit his freedom. However, he doesn't want anyone else thinking they can lay hands on "his" woman, either. His behavior is not uncommon. Think of all the men who expect total fidelity from their partners, but want what amounts to polyamory for themselves.
Els Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 So... the moral of the story is that girls should make their bfs jealous if they want them to hold their hands in public? Shouldn't guys rethink their approach to this?
ADF Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 So... the moral of the story is that girls should make their bfs jealous if they want them to hold their hands in public? Shouldn't guys rethink their approach to this? Guys will usually hold their GF's hands in public anyway, especially if they are in a situation where there are young, single men around. Women don't need to try to make men jealous. Men are plenty capable of being jealous all on their own.
mrt336 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 So... the moral of the story is that girls should make their bfs jealous if they want them to hold their hands in public? Shouldn't guys rethink their approach to this? Try that and it will backfire very quickly. We know when YOU are the issue. If guys randomly hit on you because you're beautiful, we get a little jealous and flattered and are annoyed with THEM. If guys hit on you because you've been winking at them or doing other flirty things to encourage it, we get pissed at everyone involved, but it's worse for you because you have to deal with us, the guy doesn't. Don't try making your guy jealous on purpose. That's a bad game to play.
sweetjasmine Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 So... the moral of the story is that girls should make their bfs jealous if they want them to hold their hands in public? Shouldn't guys rethink their approach to this? Yeah, I know I want my boyfriend to hold my hand in public out of jealousy and to make other guys back off instead of out of actual affection or love.
Els Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Funny though, I always thought of the public affection as an overflowing of love from the bedroom... not like how dogs pee on their turf. :/ Men...
mrt336 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Puh-lease. Don't act like women don't do it. You know you have eyes like daggers directed at any attractive girl who flirts with your guy.
Els Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Yeah, I'm sure guys would be so flattered if their girl ONLY held their hands and showed public affection when there were lots of attractive girls around..
mrt336 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Oh no no. Who said only? That's only in this particular lady's unfortunate case.
sweetjasmine Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Funny though, I always thought of the public affection as an overflowing of love from the bedroom... not like how dogs pee on their turf. :/ Men... Hey, not all of them are like that. Puh-lease. Don't act like women don't do it. You know you have eyes like daggers directed at any attractive girl who flirts with your guy. Being jealous isn't the same as only ever displaying affection in order to mark your "territory." If some chick started flirting with my boyfriend, I'd get a little jealous. But when I reach out and take his hand or give him a quick kiss on the cheek, it's because I love him, am feeling affectionate, and want to share that with him. Not because I want to show everyone that he's mine and tell them to back off. I'm affectionate because of how I feel about us, not because of other people.
Els Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Well, I was referring to this case, since you guys cited 'jealousy' as the reason for her bf's sudden change, and seemed to imply that it was normal.
C-i-C-u Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 After five years he is only starting to do this? That means he is starting to believe you are attractive or that he is now fearing that you might leave him because you are getting much attention from other males. I say leave him.
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