ShuggyD. Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Hello good people...I'm new here and came across this forum by chance. I browsed through it and thought I may find some answers here or something more than what I have found. Bear with me, I will not go fully into detail but this may be quite long..I'll try my best to spare you people. About two months ago me and my ex girl friend split after three years. After the break up (over minor issues) I made it a point to have NC with her as I thought this would do both of us good. She has two children and I do as well. I miss them beyond what words can say. Well, about two weeks ago, my two girls, who love her like mad, asked if/when they could see her again, spend some time, etc... I thought about it for a couple of days and thought that after three years together and kids being involved, there's no reason for us not to be friends or at least civil. I figured her love towards my girls is just as strong as my love for her two kids. Well, I reached out by email, was very kind and brought up the idea of getting together with the kids. I did not expect the response and I can't repeat here what she said..but it was full of vile and hate. I was floored and I felt the need to know where all this hate was coming from. I proceeded to email her with kind words, taking blame, missing kids, etc... Some went ignored and those that were not were met with more evil words. Now, this is where I got crushed. I felt the sense of urgency because a week prior to my girls asking to see her, I was diagnosed with CML, a form of leukemia. I did not want to tell my ex any other way but to her face, and I thought for sure I would get that chance. I now felt desperate so I told her of my sickness via email. Her response was "deal with it yourself" with other hateful words. My heart is shattered that a woman that I took care of, loved her kids as my own, trusted, could turn her back on me and my girls in a matter of a couple of months. I tried everything, even put the option of getting back together and working through our minor issues. I got no where. In fact, she went into attack mode. Attacked my name, "baited" me to make it appear I was "stalking" her, edited my emails and showed others, and on and on...I was horrified that she would do this, like this was an entirely different woman. I do know she has one of her friends giving her "advice" and she had her husband call me to "warn" me to keep away...that almost got him hurt very, very badly but I bit my tongue as I saw this as another "bait" situation. I tried everything to find out why she all of a sudden hate me. I have never abused her in any way, never lied to her, was in general a good catch for her. I do admit I have work to do regarding being more attentive but does that warrant such wickedness? To turn your back on someone facing mortality? To all of a sudden shun two little girls you loved as your own?? I don't get it... Please, if anyone has any opinions about her behavior, what she may be doing, or whatever...please share with me. This has me consumed and I can't shake it. I do not need this stress facing what I am facing. I wanted to reconnect with her and a few others to fix some ill will. Being diagnosed with CML, I wanted to bury hatchets and be just an all around better, kinder person. I actually thought reconciling with my ex would be easy..how wrong I was...Any help, input, anything??? Thanks in advance and kindest regards.
GrayClouds Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 I am very sorry about your situation. It is very difficult to ascertain if your EX is just trying hard to move on or if she is the wicked witch of the west. Being generous she may think you are trying to use the girls and the illness as a way to get back together. She may have had someone in her past that did not break up well with her. Though the fact is she has made her intention known and the best think you can do now it to heed them. Time to let her go, that is sad for you and your girls but that is what needs to be done. It seems with your illness and two small children it is really time to focus on yourself and them. It will take time to move beyond the hurt of the EX but you really need to use your energy to get well for the little ones. Hang in there and keep posting, I wish you well.
monkeymaid Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 OMG. it sounds like she is feeling terribly hurt, and in order to not give in to you, she is lashing out at you. ...sounds like she still loves you, but will NOT allow you close because she is healing
jumbalaya Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 That's very sad. Question for you. You kind of glossed over the breakup and how it went down. Did you break up with her over "minor issues"? After 3 years? That sounds pretty devastating and cruel. Did she contact you while you ignored her?
sadheart2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 hey there, i think it doesnt matter if you hurt her or not.....you actually told her something that is very serious and you need positive energy your way now from everybody. Even if she is mad or sad or whatever she should be woman enough to support you somehow. You can see the true colors of someone in situations like this.Hopefully she will contact you one day. again iam sorry for you hugs
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