Ugh.....I think I'm going to officially give up

[Not the love ace]

On trying to maintain my friendships or making new friends.

 

I only have about 2 close friends right now but they are a couple and spend most of their time being together and I don't like to play the "3rd Wheel" unless we hang out in a group. On top of that, when we do hangout, they spend a lot of money and I just don't have the amount of money to spend like they do. I also respect that they are together and I understand they want their alone time. There's this one friend of mine who've I known for years but I just can't hangout with him because he is very much a downer and he's so negative and too immature for my test. I have another friend who can be cool but she's a huge "Negative Nancy" and can be a downright Biotch.

 

The group that I used to hangout with has pretty much excluded me (since I didn't want to get with that one girl) unless I am hanging with my friends who are a couple. Not that they put any stipulation on me because like I mentioned before, most the people in the group I feel actually enjoy my company and hangout with me a lot but since the girl that wanted to get with didn't get to, she's being manipulative.

 

So all that right there is too much drama for me and I have been pretty depressed and bummed out that everything between me and my friends have to be awkward because of ONE selfish, manipulative person who is actually getting her way by her friends.

 

For the past few weeks I've found myself home on the weekends, or out downtown pondering by myself. I go to meetup groups, bars and and all that jazz but nothing is working. I feel like I'm destined not to have consistent friends and feel I'll be a loner.

 

I have my family and I have spent more time with them but I can't help but want to have friends that I can be more personal with. I know it sounds pathetic that at 23 years of age I am depressed about not having friends but its really gotten to me and now when I return from work on Fridays I rush to get home because I get envious of seeing people getting ready to party with their friends. Ever since 17 I have been fighting to maintain or make new friends but its been so inconsistent and I don't know what I do wrong.

 

I write, I exercise, make music and play video games and to an extent it fills a void but it obviously doesn't do the job. Not for nothing but I know its not me, because I can accept when I am wrong but its like I try and be the best friend I can and its all for nothing.

 

I don't engage or create gossip

I always invite people do something fresh, fun and new

I always come up with new ideas to do something

I'm not forceful and I'm very laid back

I don't judge their lifestyle and I'm very open minded to all race and people

Very outgoing and I love to party, dance or just simply chill

I always listen to them and try to give advice IF they ask for it

 

I'm not saying I'm the "ultimate friend" by any means but it just kills me because I feel like I am a genuine enough person to make SOME friends.

 

Ugh. Sorry about the rant but I just needed to get this off my chest in one way or another. Thanks.

Edited March 18, 2010 by Not the love ace

[blueyedgrl85]

Making friends, quality ones at least, takes a little more time. Instead of going out to places, looking for "instant friends," look into making acquaintances first. Try to go to places where you'll see the same people every time so that you can gradually get to know them- take a class at a community college, volunteer at an organization or library, join a book club, etc. Also look at your body language and attitude- be friendly and just enjoy meeting people and getting to know them. (Even if you don't become friends with them, at least you're getting out and approaching others.) Getting a dog is another good idea because pets offer unconditional love and if you take them for walks, you'll meet other dog owners. I think if you keep working on it, over time you'll meet plenty of new people and begin to have a new group of friends.

[bubbles5]

whatever you are going though is loneliness and dont worry there are many ppl who r like u , and one of them is right now talking to u its me. I understand the fact that when u have got responsiblities n when u r sidetrack bcos of ur frnds who r already couples u ppl are left aside. I would suggest that u should join some hobby class or some salsa class or something or something u can afford to do as a activity it will b a better way to socialize with ppl and get to know n u may find someone with whom u could hang out n talk abt other things than just seeing couple couples..

[Hurtbunny]

totally agree about the hobbies thing - do things that you love to do, meet other people that like to do them as well, and go from there. Forget about the people you do know, go and meet other people, the people you do know will probably miss you when they see other people also want your company.

 

Don't expect anything back from people right away - just ask people about themselves (people LOVE to talk about themselves) make small kind gestures of friendship and give back your friendship accordingly. Don't think everytime you make the effort to reach out to a person it will turn into a friendship either - it most likely won't, but it will be a step to making good friends.

 

Yo do sound like the ultimate friend but in a way you are almost too nice - I have about 100 or so acquantainces and have made close friends out of these acquantainces, so really - you need to focuse on making the loose bonds with people and then the closer bonds might form after that.

 

There really is no formula to making friends though - you just have to be an upbeat , positive person, and people will likely be attracted to your energy.

 

you write - what about attening a creative writing night / poetry group? don't laugh - you will meet some interesting people!

 

you exercise - sports! join a club! through joining the club you will likely have to attend 'socials, meals' and other things that will fill up your diary

 

- you make music - really? awesome! start up a band! don't know anyone! advertise! get your music out there on the internet and who knows what could happen!

 

I'm aware all of the above take confidence to do when you feel so low anyway but be brave, i promise it will pay off.xx