DustySaltus Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Why does it always work out that when women (and i'm sure SOME men) say that they, "Are not looking for Drama", they always turn out to be the ones creating it? Where are you going? What are you doing? How come you didn't respond to my text? You said that was next saturday? and the list goes on..... Please man in the sky, I just want one normal one please?!?!
LovelyDaze Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Why does it always work out that when women (and i'm sure SOME men) say that they, "Are not looking for Drama", they always turn out to be the ones creating it? Where are you going? What are you doing? How come you didn't respond to my text? You said that was next saturday? and the list goes on..... Please man in the sky, I just want one normal one please?!?! Can't lie, Dusty. I WAS that girl in the past. I didn't give it a name, but I believed in being clingy and smothering to the point of death. When I had a BF that acted in that way was I able to see how horrible living with that person was. So trust me, men do it too. Some people seem either really bored with their lives and want to create some kind of unnecessary soap opera in their relationships and/or have a whole lot of issues from the past that makes them unable to conduct a mature relationship. I wasn't clingy with my last couple of BFs but I have learned that it is a MUST that each partner get a life of their own also. You have to have outside interests, friends, spend time alone, etc. You don't want to make your GF/BF your whole wide world. That's when the crap starts.
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Dusty, if put into certain contexts, those questions are valid and reasonable. Are you looking for a relationship where no one ever questions your actions or lack of them?
boogieboy Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 The reason women say "not looking fro drama" is to show us the neon sign to stay away from them. The dont do it knowingly, but take advantage of it.
deux ex machina Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 If anyone, man or woman, says they don't want drama - stay far, far away from them.
Author DustySaltus Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 Dusty, if put into certain contexts, those questions are valid and reasonable. Are you looking for a relationship where no one ever questions your actions or lack of them? I understand what you mean it's just that at the initial stage of a relationship I don't need to be questioned on everything. It's not a good way to start things off. Yes, I want to be challenged but not questioned constantly.
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I understand what you mean it's just that at the initial stage of a relationship I don't need to be questioned on everything. It's not a good way to start things off. Yes, I want to be challenged but not questioned constantly.Okay, so you're experiencing a barrage of questions. Most of these questions appear to be rooted from one issue. Insecurity in the relationship. If you're experiencing a multitude of women who appear to suffer from relationship insecurity and they're all different personality types, what does this say to you? If you're experiencing a multitude of women who appear to suffer from relationship insecurity and they're all similar personality types, what does this say to you? And yes, I'm barraging you with questions!
Author DustySaltus Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 Okay, so you're experiencing a barrage of questions. Most of these questions appear to be rooted from one issue. Insecurity in the relationship. If you're experiencing a multitude of women who appear to suffer from relationship insecurity and they're all different personality types, what does this say to you? If you're experiencing a multitude of women who appear to suffer from relationship insecurity and they're all similar personality types, what does this say to you? And yes, I'm barraging you with questions! I can't help but run into them. Some of them show their insecurities right away and some hide it for a while. This particular girl has been hiding it for a while and now it has started to appear. The questions are being coupled with clingyness. There are things about her I do like but over a long period of time I don't know if it would last. Don't worry, I never fold under questioning.
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I can't help but run into them. Some of them show their insecurities right away and some hide it for a while. This particular girl has been hiding it for a while and now it has started to appear. The questions are being coupled with clingyness. There are things about her I do like but over a long period of time I don't know if it would last. Don't worry, I never fold under questioning. Are you honestly emotionally ready for another LTR? Can you honestly say that you're prepared to open up and trust someone, as intensely as your last relationship?
silic0ntoad Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Yeah this is common anymore. There really is no way to not attract insecure people, you just have to be good at picking them out and canning them early. Some are very good at hiding it however.
Ms. Joolie Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Where are you going? What are you doing? How come you didn't respond to my text? You said that was next saturday? and the list goes on..... omg. Those nagging questions create drama. blah.
Ms. Joolie Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 (edited) (never mind) Edited March 18, 2010 by Ms. Joolie WTH. i couldn't edit my post. sorry.
silic0ntoad Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 omg. Those nagging questions create drama. blah. I don't think nagging causes drama... but here's drama. I date this girl for about three weeks, in those three weeks, I got the same questions. After the questions came "You're not into me." "You don't desire me." WTF. Then came "You used me." (We hadn't slept together... so wtf?) "You're an ass. I want more then 1-2 dates a week." (We never spoke of exclusivity.) Then, when I cut it off, she would drive by my house etc. CRAZY.
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 The easy answer is to externalize it to everyone else. The more difficult answer is that it usually takes two to tango and rather than allocating blame, allocate what you're responsible for, so you figure out what you want, as well as act/react accordingly, to get it.
Author DustySaltus Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 Are you honestly emotionally ready for another LTR? Can you honestly say that you're prepared to open up and trust someone, as intensely as your last relationship? I think is where you and I had left off. I do think I am capable of opening up again to someone but I feel like it's my last shot. Like I only have enough "love" left for one more person, so I have to be very selective with who I give it to. My last relationship took a lot out of me and brought me back down to earth. Considering the fact that I was supposed to be married and kind of questioned the thought of marriage before meeting her. Now I just question the thought of someone truly meaning what they say. Let's just say there are a lot of questions. I feel like they can be answered but at my own speed. When you add the clingyness and "drama" it hinders that process.
Author DustySaltus Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 Yeah this is common anymore. There really is no way to not attract insecure people, you just have to be good at picking them out and canning them early. Some are very good at hiding it however. I think that the more confident YOU are the more insecure people you attract.
mrkleen Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I wasn't clingy with my last couple of BFs but I have learned that it is a MUST that each partner get a life of their own also. You have to have outside interests, friends, spend time alone, etc. You don't want to make your GF/BF your whole wide world. That's when the crap starts. The hard thing about this is when the person doesn’t know what they want themselves…and they encourage you to get closer to them and spend lots of time with them and THEN they flip it on you and say you are too needy or need to get your own life. I have a very full and positive life, but it is not so full that I cant re-arrange a few things to spend some time with a good person that I am excited about. If a person runs hot and cold at the beginning…they are going to ALWAYS run hot and cold and the drama is simply not worth it.
silic0ntoad Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I think that the more confident YOU are the more insecure people you attract. You are right, I believe. I read somewhere that part of the way attraction works is you see something in someone else that you don't have, and thus aspire to have that, thus sparking interest, and attraction. IDK how true it is, I am not a psychologist, but it seems to be true in my case, and seemingly yours as well.
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I think is where you and I had left off. We should clarify this, to mean what it really means, that we left off our discussion in your other thread! I do think I am capable of opening up again to someone but I feel like it's my last shot. Like I only have enough "love" left for one more person, so I have to be very selective with who I give it to.While I agree that everyone should be extremely selective in who they give their love to, I'll have to disagree that you only have one more shot. That's just deliberate personal limiting, rather than being open to possibilities. My last relationship took a lot out of me and brought me back down to earth. Considering the fact that I was supposed to be married and kind of questioned the thought of marriage before meeting her. Now I just question the thought of someone truly meaning what they say. If I asked you to prove yourself to me, could you? If so, how would you feel? Let's just say there are a lot of questions. I feel like they can be answered but at my own speed. When you add the clingyness and "drama" it hinders that process.I understand that it's no fun to be on the receiving side of distrust. And yet, how high does a potential partner have to jump, for you to trust them? This is a two-sided coin, Dusty.
Author DustySaltus Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 While I agree that everyone should be extremely selective in who they give their love to, I'll have to disagree that you only have one more shot. That's just deliberate personal limiting, rather than being open to possibilities. You're probably right. If I asked you to prove yourself to me, could you? If so, how would you feel? Prove myself to you in what way? I mean the way I "proved" my love for someone previously was by leaving my country and moving to there's without knowing anyone and leaving a great job. I think i'm more than capable of proving myself to anyone that deserves it. I understand that it's no fun to be on the receiving side of distrust. And yet, how high does a potential partner have to jump, for you to trust them? She was doing just fine until these questions have started to come up a lot more. I have tried, really tried to open myself up.
silic0ntoad Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 We should clarify this, to mean what it really means, that we left off our discussion in your other thread! While I agree that everyone should be extremely selective in who they give their love to, I'll have to disagree that you only have one more shot. That's just deliberate personal limiting, rather than being open to possibilities. If I asked you to prove yourself to me, could you? If so, how would you feel? I understand that it's no fun to be on the receiving side of distrust. And yet, how high does a potential partner have to jump, for you to trust them? This is a two-sided coin, Dusty. I have one bit of wisdom that I'll always stick to. Ever are the distrustful treacherous. It's held true through my entire life, basically. Dusty, while I think it is a two sided coin, maybe you truly aren't ready to open up and be with someone. Maybe take some down time from dating. It helps you evaluate what you have seen in the past few girls you dated and helps you make a better choice in the future, I think.
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Anyways Dusty, I've barraged you with enough questions already. Straight up, I don't think you're ready for anything serious yet, as your heart/trust hasn't fully healed yet. I think you're ready for light and fun relationships with no emotional commitment, beyond exclusivity, as it pertains to one sexual partner. With this in mind, just ensure you pick partners who are also looking for something similar. Also, be careful how you portray yourself, so women don't get the wrong idea that you're looking for anything serious. Btw, if my above post is right about you, which it might not be, I don't think there's anything wrong with looking for light and fun relationships. It's not a negative judgement, just trying to figure out what's going on inside of you, so it makes life, less of an internal conflict.
silic0ntoad Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Anyways Dusty, I've barraged you with enough questions already. Straight up, I don't think you're ready for anything serious yet, as your heart/trust hasn't fully healed yet. I think you're ready for light and fun relationships with no emotional commitment, beyond exclusivity, as it pertains to one sexual partner. With this in mind, just ensure you pick partners who are also looking for something similar. Also, be careful how you portray yourself, so women don't get the wrong idea that you're looking for anything serious. Btw, if my above post is right about you, which it might not be, I don't think there's anything wrong with looking for light and fun relationships. It's not a negative judgement, just trying to figure out what's going on inside of you, so it makes life, less of an internal conflict. +1 on this. Here's a question; do you find yourself not worrying about this person more and more?
Author DustySaltus Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 +1 on this. Here's a question; do you find yourself not worrying about this person more and more? It comes and goes to be honest. I'm not built to just walk away from someone I care about. I can put a girl in two categories: relationship or other. I took a shot at things at here I am. C'est la vie. TBF, I hear you. Thanks for the input, i'll try and figure it out.
silic0ntoad Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I hear you. If it comes and goes, frankly, she's not the girl to be involved with, and deep down, you already know it.
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