pyroguy Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 It is rare that a person's disposition ever really changes. What you see -- from the very start -- is what you get. True again. While some may seem to change or want to change, most people will always revert back to their true nature. Believe that in business too. If you ever feel weary of someone, but they seem to change, never fully belive it. That's why you are probably still single. I have followed your posts, and you seem like a pretty cool,honest, and logical person. Unfortunately, this world is full of phonies, and I firmly believe that. It may sound cynical, but just observe long enough. You are one that is not fooled by the ever increasing amount of people who try and be something they are not.
Lizzie60 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 What is the Most Important Lesson You've Learned In A Relationship to remain single.. and have all the sex and the freedom in the world..
mortensorchid Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Don't open up too fast with people. You never know what information that people will take and use against you. Even if it's someone you trust, don't share too much with others. Keep them guessing, otherwise the mystery goes away and they feel like they know you and they'll feel too comfortable to use you. Don't believe me? I hope you don't have to find out the hard way.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 That's why you are probably still single. I have followed your posts, and you seem like a pretty cool,honest, and logical person. Unfortunately, this world is full of phonies, and I firmly believe that. It may sound cynical, but just observe long enough. You are one that is not fooled by the ever increasing amount of people who try and be something they are not. Awww, thanks, pyroguy. I am understanding better every day what my mistakes and self-limiting patterns have been. And lately, I have stopped defining my past relationships as failed ones. I learned many things from each one of them, and each relationship involved the giving and receiving of love shared with good intentions. I will probably always feel a little sentimental or sad about losing that closeness with each of my lovers, but no one can take away the amazing moments and good lessons I had with them. I have a lot to learn, and people like you and other great posters on LS can be great teachers.
Ilovehim Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 I have learned alot but these popped in my head so here it is: 1) Nobody is perfect. Everyone has flaws and will make mistakes... 2) DO NOT think the grass is greener on the other side...don't listen too much to other people's opinions 3) do not argue over stupid things 4) some issues however are serious and need to be addressed..some things are just crossing the line and you dont need to tolerate them 5) never take someone for granted, be appreciative and caring and vice versa...you need to be with someone who appreciates you and cares for you. the most important is that no matter how good you are to someone, you cant have a good relationship if you're with the wrong person.
Rearden Metal Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 A commitment is only as good as the person making it. If someone has been sketchy in the past don't expect that to change just because they're with you. The second you start to take something or someone for granted is the moment you start to lose it/them. Don't ignore problems or conflicts hoping they'll just go away and fix themselves. Trust your gut, your brain will usually find a way to rationalize things but your instincts are almost always right. Right on dude.
Rearden Metal Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 Work hard to develop a strong, sound moral character and then stand behind what you believe in – no matter what. Circumstances and people will play out in your life, constantly making you question how you feel about yourself – if you are right – if you are a good person. The stronger you are in your belief of what is right and wrong, the harder it will be to lose yourself and your direction. If you are not happy – if you feel something is not right – it probably isn’t. And as has been said above, people do not change. If you have a problem early on, unless the person is very self aware and ready to go for serious therapy to get to the root of their issues – they WILL NOT CHANGE. That is hard to hear when you care for someone – but I have spent most of my adult life dating “potential” – and I am still single because of it. FANTASTIC post.
Tony Posted March 20, 2010 Senior Moderators Posted March 20, 2010 This is a GREAT thread with many outstanding contributions. I hope all will continue to put up bits of what they have learned through relationships. Meanwhile, I will give myself an infraction for being off topic.
freestyle Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 This is a quote from another LS'er........it's brilliant. (I believe it was 2Sure, if I'm mistaken, profuse apologies to the original author of this saying) "Never make someone a priority........who sees you as an option..." I think I'll get that tattooed on my forehead........ Personal conclusions I've come to about relationships: 1. Be wary about taking advice from others about your R.... remember, everyone is seeing the world through their own "baggage-colored glasses" 2.Pay attention to the pebbles.People toss pebbles to get your attention about what's bothering them. If you dismiss the pebbles too often, or for too long, eventually people will get fed up and toss a boulder. 3.The little things really do mean a lot.I prefer small , thoughtful acts on a regular basis, to an occasional, grand sweeping gesture. 4. Quoting an old friend.."Human relationships are a lot like porcupines trying to huddle for heat"
tkgirl Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 (edited) There's a great book called "Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz.. he's the one that wrote "The Four Agreements"... anyways, awesome stuff and I highly recommend it! In it there's something about how you are... only one half of the relationship... you can only control your half... you cannot control the other person and you cannot control the relationship or something like that! but it's something I've struggled with in the past that I'm hoping I will be better at next time around! great thread BTW! Edited March 21, 2010 by tkgirl
threebyfate Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 I've learned to trust in my gut instincts about people, as well as watching for red flags. I've also learned that if I make a mistake about someone, I can always move on from anyone AND best of all, upgrade!
hoping2heal Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 *That the ability to be in love and stay that way has more to do with ourselves than the other person. *That some breakups are good things. When a relationship doesn't work because we are too opposite on a core level, the best thing that could ever happen is for one of us in it to figure that out and end it. *That you don't truly love anyone you are not honest with. You can feel strong attachment but if you really valued and loved them, you would be more concerned for their well being instead of what they can provide for you by being in your life. * That a little mystery is a good thing. We can be close as peas without me knowing what your poop looks like, really we can.
shadowplay Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Don't open up too fast with people. You never know what information that people will take and use against you. Even if it's someone you trust, don't share too much with others. Keep them guessing, otherwise the mystery goes away and they feel like they know you and they'll feel too comfortable to use you. Don't believe me? I hope you don't have to find out the hard way. This all depends on the person you open up to.
marsle85 Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 This applies for any relationship (romantic/platonic). And in this case- this refers to my very best friend: That person who is supposed to be in your life forever, the friend who holds half of my heart and half of my soul, and treats you as well as you treat them- through thick and thin... Do anything and everything to keep them in your life. Never let pride or selfishness degrade a relationship that is truly, honestly remarkable. Ever. Be relentless.
Lishy Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Be honest and expect honestu right back at you ... never ignore red flags and dont make excuses for shoddy behaviour!!!
Author Jersey Shortie Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 This is a GREAT thread with many outstanding contributions. I hope all will continue to put up bits of what they have learned through relationships. Meanwhile, I will give myself an infraction for being off topic. Geez Tony. You shock me with your props..but not so surpised you would even give yourself an infraction for being off topic.
D-Lish Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 The most valuable thing I have learned is not to give in to my penchant for over-reaction. I used to react first, then think it through afterwards. I almost always regretted the reaction I had. I have learned to walk away when I get pissed and think it through with a clear head before reacting.
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I learned: There is no woman who cannot be replaced by another.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 That is true for everyone. So as far as lessons, not a very insightful or personal one.
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I love your quote! How true... And whose sock puppet are you, dear? Sometimes I think there are only about 20 people who post on this board, and they all have about a dozen alter egos.
speechiekeen Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I have learned not to lower my standards. Every time I lower my bar, It kicks me in the ass. Date up, not down. (I am tired of fixing men) There are still good men out there, however most of them are married...yet still great fun.
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