Jersey Shortie Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 So..what is the biggest lesson, or hardest, you've had to learn to make a relationship work? For me, it's compromising on certain things. I am more flexable on some things the others. But it's difficult for me to compromise because I think that it will make me open or vulnerable in bad things happening. What about you?
silic0ntoad Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I guess not to be a doormat. I stand up for myself, and don't back down now.
JamesM Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I am not always right. And I am learning it still every so often...even after twenty years.
sumdude Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 A commitment is only as good as the person making it. If someone has been sketchy in the past don't expect that to change just because they're with you. The second you start to take something or someone for granted is the moment you start to lose it/them. Don't ignore problems or conflicts hoping they'll just go away and fix themselves. Trust your gut, your brain will usually find a way to rationalize things but your instincts are almost always right.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 nowomannocry, it would be great if we could talk about what we learned without calling the other gender names. If you can't do that, don't post in this thread. It's just really lame. Ha James! You and more then half LS posters are still trying to learn that one, me included!
mrt336 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 People, especially young ones, can change very quickly.
quankanne Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 that you're gonna have different approaches to the relationship, and neither are wrong, just ... different.
Crazy Magnet Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Biggest lesson---> Always ask if his penis is on the internet. Go with my gut, so far it's batting 100%. Don't be afraid to fall in love. Hardest lesson---->Compromise without overstepping my boundaries and losing myself in the compromising process.
JamesM Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 that you're gonna have different approaches to the relationship, and neither are wrong, just ... different. Hmmm.....with all love towards my wife, she needs to learn THIS lesson.
mrkleen Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Work hard to develop a strong, sound moral character and then stand behind what you believe in – no matter what. Circumstances and people will play out in your life, constantly making you question how you feel about yourself – if you are right – if you are a good person. The stronger you are in your belief of what is right and wrong, the harder it will be to lose yourself and your direction. If you are not happy – if you feel something is not right – it probably isn’t. And as has been said above, people do not change. If you have a problem early on, unless the person is very self aware and ready to go for serious therapy to get to the root of their issues – they WILL NOT CHANGE. That is hard to hear when you care for someone – but I have spent most of my adult life dating “potential” – and I am still single because of it.
lino Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I learned that if I'm treating her like a queen and she doesn't appreciate one bit of it then I should stop doing so immediately! I get the feeling that I'll do it again though I hope that I won't.
LovelyDaze Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Easy. Pay attention to the first red flag. The VERY first one. I use it as my signature because I would ignore any bad signs that the new relationship was going to be trouble. Sure enough, the relationship with the bright red flags exploded into smithereens.
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Biggest lesson learned is to find someone who's compatible in core values and goals in life. Anything less, becomes a project relationship.
paperchase Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 1. continue to be the person she fell in love with. 2. make love like it may be the last time each time. 3. if you feel you are growing apart you are growing apart. 4. if you have any sort of conflict on the first 3 dates RUN because this is her BEST behavior and if she can't contain it now it will get much worse. 5. couples therapy works to extend a relationship but will fail if the parties are truly incompatible. 6. look at the things you don't like about her, accept they won't change and ask yourself if they each get worse can you be happy with her. 7. if she pulls away, you do the same. understand that there is an ebb and flow which you must roll with for the relationship to survive. 8. do not be possessive or controlling. 9. do not be overly critical. 10. Listen 11. And a very big one: don't say anything you can't take back. Saying the wrong thing in the heat of an argument can come back to haunt you over time so if this is your wife or someone you plan to be with forever, bite your tongue when necessary.
Woggle Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 To never try and be a rescuer or have a savior's complex. The next time around I found a woman who already had her life together and didn't have a whole boatload of issues.
ADF Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Excellent question. I think the biggest thing I had to learn is that how you treat people may have nothing to do with how they treat you in return. Usually it does, but not always. I learned that when a woman I lived with for a year dumped me and abruptly married a convicted murder who was still incarcerated. This guy had shot another man and his ppregnant GF. The man died. His GF didn't. I could not for the life of me understand why this murderer was more appealing to her than I was, but it did show me my having a good character meant nothing to her.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Your partner is not responsible for your happiness or unhappiness. That's completely up to you. If you are truly happy with yourself and your life, no one can shake that. And if you are unhappy, no one can fix it but you.
phineas Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck..then yes, they are cheating.
terra Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck..then yes, they are cheating. or maybe you are in love with a duck?
FryFish Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 or maybe you are in love with a duck? Ya! A cheating duck! But seriously, I learned that my life is not the exception to the rule. Oh, I also learned that I AM always right... err, my gut is always right anyways.
refurb Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Judge a person by their actions, not by what they say. Words are cheap. RF
Ruby Slippers Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 It is rare that a person's disposition ever really changes. What you see -- from the very start -- is what you get.
pyroguy Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Your partner is not responsible for your happiness or unhappiness. That's completely up to you. If you are truly happy with yourself and your life, no one can shake that. And if you are unhappy, no one can fix it but you. Amen! Can more people live by that credo?
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