angelaM Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 And now we're not, and I can't stop crying and I just want to die. We still love each other so much but the situation is impossible and I am sick to my stomach and it's the middle of the night and I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do, I am so lost right now...
sadheart2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Yeah dont do anything crazy,we all are in the same boat with a broken heart etc. talk to us
curiousnycgirl Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Angela I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know the details of your recent discussions - you can stalker button me and see mine. We were emailing back and forth and he just stopped. It's so bizarre. Been crying my eyes out for the better part of a week.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Curious do you know him / her hun? What's going on? Sorry I don't - I'm hoping she comes back and tells us her story
Author angelaM Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 We split up last year because of the distance, it's impossible to be together right now. It was harder on him than me, so he ended the engagement. I didn't contact him at all for months, then we started talking again and I found out he was having regrets and and kept thinking about what he lost. I was so careful and casual when we started talking again, until he tipped his hand and we found out we both still loved each other. We started talking about "someday" finding a way to be together, but I was still being very guarded. I was happy having the dream and waiting to see what might happen next, but not counting on anything. Middle of the night he sends an email that we need to talk because his shrink told him it isn't fair to carry on like that without having an end in sight. I'm going through some difficult things right now and just having that thought in the back of my head made me happy, I honestly didn't even think about what might happen next. But now the dream is gone. We are supposed to talk over the weekend and I don't even know what to say. We haven't talked much because of the huge time difference but when he started contacting me again recently, it had that "let's be friends" tone, so I told him I couldn't just be friends and that we needed to have a goodbye conversation, that's when he told me he didn't want to say goodbye because he still had a dream of being together. So now he thinks he needs to call me to say goodbye forever because his shrink told him it wasn't a good idea to live in a dream state. And no, there isn't anyone else, he has been feeling guilty because he was supposed to move here before everything fell apart and I think he is realizing that will never happen. The thing is, I had no illusions that it would happen anytime soon, if ever, but I wasn't ready to let go of that dream. He still tells me he loves me and will always love me, it isn't even that "I'm not in love with you" line, we both still love each other very much. But all I can do now is go along with what he wants, have a goodbye conversation and shut that door for good. My heart is breaking all over again. I didn't sleep at all last night, and I am a mess today, and to be honest I am shocked at the depth of my pain. I have no illusions about losing the perfect man, but I still love him with all my heart and I can't stop crying. What do I say when we talk? What do I need to say or ask if it really is the last time we ever talk?
Els Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I'm so very, very sorry, Angela. Distance pulls cruel tricks on even the most loving and devoted of couples. I've seen a few that I truly think would have made it were it not for the circumstances they were in. Please take care of yourself, and know that we're all here for you.
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