Author Vertex Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 You're just making it harder on yourself! Man up and make it clear you aren't looking for a friendship! You'll end up in the friendzone otherwise! RF Unfortunately it isn't that easy for me. XD I'm shy and a bit risk-averse. I need some sort of concrete sign before I can escalate anything. So far, I feel like there are too many ambiguous signs to really go off of. Either that or I am ignoring the obvious.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 If she said its nice that you both had crazy schedules because you both understand havi crazy schedules. It isn't friendzone. She is having you "teach" her something nerdy. She can probably look up how to do it online, she is getting you to get the message. Ask her, you aren't in Junior High anymore. I sympathize with your shyness, but at the end of the day you have to decide what you want to hold onto more, your shyness or that girl.
Wallace1 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 This thread makes me want to throw something porcelain at something made of concrete. Ask her to "Go on a date to X on X day at X time" point blank. You won't "ruin a friendship" or whatever. The worst thing that can happen is she says "Lets just be friends" which leaves you better of than you are now because you can stop antagonizing yourself with all of these factors you've listed.
Green Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Girls get to reject men. You havn't put yourself in a position to be rejected. A great way to put yourself in a position where she must either reject or accept you is to KISS her. Yes, go ahead an kiss her. She may or may not like you, but the fact is YOU like her. Stop looking for a sure thing and take a chance. A sure way to screw this up if she actualy does like you is to not make a move. By making no moves she eventualy learns to not like you that is if she ever did like you. Even if she doesn't like you, which it seems like she might, if you made a move, flirted and kissed her... that in itself could get her to like you. Just be yourself (by the way being yourself means romanticaly chasing the girls you like instead of chicking out)
Johnny M Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Now, I just can't tell at all. Are these things indicators of interest at all, or purely friendly? I have a really hard time telling things apart, especially if such things are subtle. Am I overthinking/overweighting things? Looking for interest where it may not exist? The bottom line is that she likes you, which means that anything is possible. The distinction between friendliness and romantic interest is not as clear cut as some people believe. Girls tend to be mean or indifferent to guys they don't find attractive (a.k.a. "creeps"), so if she's single, I'd say you can definitely turn it into something more if you play your cards. Just don't screw it up by trying to be her friend first. You have to show that you're interested in more than that right from the start.
Author Vertex Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 It'd be easier for me if I had some input on the observations -- do you think they're overly-extrapolated or do you think they're actually valid and likely to contribute in my favor?
Johnny M Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 It'd be easier for me if I had some input on the observations -- do you think they're overly-extrapolated or do you think they're actually valid and likely to contribute in my favor? You are analyzing things too much. Don't drive yourself mad thinking what a particular comment or gesture might mean. Its mentally exhausting and counterproductive and chances are, you'll reach the wrong conclusion anyway. Some things are best left to instinct. So just ask her out and make it clear that it's date. If she says that she just likes you as a friend - oh well, no big loss.
Author Vertex Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 The problem is that I don't trust my instincts. My instincts are literally confused. They could go one way or the other because I don't have enough information. As a result, I have to try to process it to see which instincts are more correct. XD
Johnny M Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 The problem is that I don't trust my instincts. My instincts are literally confused. They could go one way or the other because I don't have enough information. As a result, I have to try to process it to see which instincts are more correct. XD I'm telling you from experience that over-thinking does more harm than good. Just assume that she's interested in you and ask her out. What have you got to lose?
Author Vertex Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 A friend -- possibly group of friends if they feel it's too awkward to hang out in a group anymore.
Johnny M Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 A friend -- possibly group of friends if they feel it's too awkward to hang out in a group anymore. Well, in that case, don't ask her out (if staying with that group is important to you). Even if she likes you and you start dating, there's a good chance things won't work out and you're right, it could get awkward.
bac Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Yes, it was a date. The girl asked you out. The girl took the first initiative. I can see why she did it because you even did not understand that it was a date. I guess if you ask her out, she might make the first move to kiss you as well:) You are having a girl who does all the job for you. As for friendship between the opposite genders, I think it is overrated because it mostly exists in imagination of fearful of rejection men. Girls do not want to be friends with guys who they do not like. But if they like guys they experience sexual drive towards them.
Author Vertex Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 Foiled again! Apparently her parents want her to come home to do taxes for the weekend, so she "wanted to take a sun check." Her home is in Jersey -- although her roommate knows I like her, and she happens to be in Jersey right now too. She's trying to invite me to NJ for the weekend as a result. XD
t0ri Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 I'm telling you from experience that over-thinking does more harm than good. Just assume that she's interested in you and ask her out. What have you got to lose? I agree. It seems to me that she's into you, and is taking much more initiative than you are. Show her some interest! Ask her out!
sweetjasmine Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 It'd be easier for me if I had some input on the observations -- do you think they're overly-extrapolated or do you think they're actually valid and likely to contribute in my favor? Honestly, none of us is going to be able to tell you exactly what's going on since we weren't in your shoes. All we have to go on is what you said. Stop trying to analyze every minute detail in the hopes of figuring out how she feels (even though what you're doing is analyzing everything because you're too afraid to take a chance). Ask her out. It's the only way you're going to find out.
SadandConfusedWA Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 Poor girl. She is probably confused as hell. There are girls out there who would reject you straight up just because of your crippling shyness. Also, you keep asking for advice yet you take none and only do what you think is best, which is nothing. This thread would make my puppy cry.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 I shy guys! It turns out that I married one, but dude, you gotta get on this, she is clearly interested in you! This thread reminds me of this: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/nasa_scientists_plan_to_approach
lordWilhelm Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 Hi Vertex, I want to say I'm very similar to you and I always would spend way too much energy/effort overanalyzing everything to the extent that I'd end up creeping the girl. The only way to know for sure is to ask her out and stop reading so much in all those little signs. Everybody here has been advising you to go ahead because she sounds interested and yet you prefer measuring the residual error in the extrapolation of your curve of best fit. Really, what exactly do you want from us? She's out of contact for the weekend? Fine. Just call her when she's back. Just let her know you want to try out the pesto ravioli at this spazzy new Italian place, and keep it short. Stop being indirect. Talking to her roommate is going to backfire on you unless you start making a move on her right now.
shadowplay Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 (edited) I am going to go nerdstyle and actually make this nerdy as **** graph because I am bored and feel like it: http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/5159/somethingiswrongwithmef.png OMFG. LMAO. You're cute! :laugh: Right-click and save! Edited March 21, 2010 by shadowplay
bac Posted March 21, 2010 Posted March 21, 2010 I feel like there are so many ambiguous signals from this chick. :/ I want something concrete -- even if it's something "ambiguously concrete." I don't want to make a boneheaded move just because I can't piece the evidence together properly. You want smth obvious. If she knew your wants, she would invite you into her car at a solitary location. Then, she would put music on (your favorite band), started touching and kissing your neck, body and lips passionately. She would take your clothes off while slowly moaning and rubbing you down low. Finally, she would beg you to pull your thing out and she would prove how strong her attraction for you was.
DustySaltus Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 You want smth obvious. If she knew your wants, she would invite you into her car at a solitary location. Then, she would put music on (your favorite band), started touching and kissing your neck, body and lips passionately. She would take your clothes off while slowly moaning and rubbing you down low. Finally, she would beg you to pull your thing out and she would prove how strong her attraction for you was. I think we are getting waaaayyyy ahead of ourselves here. Vertex, go with the flow. Let her come to you now. I'm sure your friend is talking you up to her anyway.
Author Vertex Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 I actually invited her to the rooftop of my apartment and she said she had to go take her parents to some symphony thing... not sure if it's an excuse or not, but either way, that's the second time I've been rebuffed -- gonna back off.
lordWilhelm Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 (edited) Rooftop of your apartment. That sounds a bit like jumping the gun, as in don't you think she might construe that as you trying to get her to check out your bedroom too? Especially for a first date something more neutral would have been a lot more appropriate. Anyways, did she suggest something else when she was would be less busy or did she leave it fairly closed? But yeah, you should probably back off right now if she didn't offer any alternative. Edited March 22, 2010 by lordWilhelm
Author Vertex Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 Rooftop of your apartment. That sounds a bit like jumping the gun, as in don't you think she might construe that as you trying to get her to check out your bedroom too? Especially for a first date something more neutral would have been a lot more appropriate. Anyways, did she suggest something else when she was would be less busy or did she leave it fairly closed? But yeah, you should probably back off right now if she didn't offer any alternative. I was with friends at the time -- just wanted to get her to hang out. It wasn't a "come alone with me" type of thing. She offered no alternative though (which was what I specifically looked for), soooo.
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