Analyze these "signs" for me. I can't tell the difference.

[DustySaltus]

Do you think that the fact she offered to pay for ice cream means she was trying to be "datey" or do you think she was trying to make up for the dollar differential from dinner to be friendly/"even things out"?

 

*scratches head*

 

I am kicking myself hardcore. I feel like I missed out on a few prime opportunities last night. Next time I'm definitely going to try to touch a bit/pick up the entire tab. Do you think inviting her out tonight would be seen as too much/too soon (tomorrow she wants to get together so I can teach her some things)

 

She likes you. Teach her.....please teach her already

[mrt336]

You have to calm down haha

See this guy? He's cool. Cooler than you and I can be because he's just a big round yellow head, but try to be more like him.

 

It is NOT the end of the world if you ask this girl on a date and she says no. You will be fine, you will meet other girls that you find attractive and like their personality.

 

You can't hit the ball without swinging the bat.

 

or, if you prefer golf analogies...

 

A putt you leave short will not go in 100% of the time, don't be afraid to hit the ball, nancy.

[threebyfate]

Vertex, you've got it all going. You're cute, smart, interesting and a decent human being. There's basically zero, zero reason why you can't find someone beyond limiting yourself. Part of this self-limiting, is internalizing rejection to the point of self-esteem.

 

We ALL get rejected in some manner, regardless of gender. The minute we leave our homes, every...single...person gets rejected in some way.

 

I'm absolutely determined that someone like you, is going to gain what you deem as success. So, stop internalizing rejection. Rather than overanalyzing that rejection and applying it to self, try, try, try to shrug it off. If necessary, consider it "her loss" but more realistically speaking, not everyone is compatible or universally attractive.

[marsle85]

Just never, ever make another graph. If it gets to that point, you're thinking too much about it and you're putting too much on the line.

 

LIFE goes on if this doesn't work.

 

You don't have TIME for graphs!

[Vertex]

Just never, ever make another graph. If it gets to that point, you're thinking too much about it and you're putting too much on the line.

 

LIFE goes on if this doesn't work.

 

You don't have TIME for graphs!

 

The graph was more a lame, bored example of extremely dry humor when I was tired late at night and exasperated from the uncertainty pertaining to the meetup. XD But I do think that the underlying point is very much applicable. I am basically trying to figure out a way to increase the intensity of my actions but in a way that still leaves enough ambiguity to not be considered threatening or uncomfortable -- but to the extent where I can safely see if she's receptive to my advances. I can't just jump from A to Z and hope for the best. I need to warm up into it, I think. I don't have the stones to risk making things extremely awkward.

 

 

 

Vertex, you've got it all going. You're cute, smart, interesting and a decent human being. There's basically zero, zero reason why you can't find someone beyond limiting yourself. Part of this self-limiting, is internalizing rejection to the point of self-esteem.

 

We ALL get rejected in some manner, regardless of gender. The minute we leave our homes, every...single...person gets rejected in some way.

 

I'm absolutely determined that someone like you, is going to gain what you deem as success. So, stop internalizing rejection. Rather than overanalyzing that rejection and applying it to self, try, try, try to shrug it off. If necessary, consider it "her loss" but more realistically speaking, not everyone is compatible or universally attractive.

 

It's just very difficult to get used to -- I'm always so used to being able to analyze something before taking the leap when it comes to virtually any other facet of life. I've never had to "become good at failing," as strange as that may sound. I feel like if I try something and fail, it usually means I *could* have succeeded had I tried something a different way. I'd rather know what that "different way" is *before* I make the mistake!

 

This girl is genuinely attractive to me -- cute, very smart, funny, and very personable/kind. She's a bit reserved/laid-back, but I like that about her. At any rate, I'd much rather keep her as a friend than risk screwing it all up by hitting on her or making an advance without enough information.

 

For instance, the concept of touching someone is so foreign to me. It's so easy for me to do when I'm actually *in* a relationship, but flirting/etc is something where I tank 100%. I keep my hands to myself full-stop. It's really difficult for me to just put an arm around someone or touch someone on the arm or anything along those lines. I feel like I'd really gain a lot of self-confidence if I learned to do this correctly. It feels like I'm always trapped in my own head until the point of overload and inaction due to fearing the infinitely many ways that things could go wrong due to my inexperience with flirting.

 

I'm sure I probably turn away a lot of girls as a result -- girls who are probably trying to flirt with me and instead getting rather stoic/uninterested responses, when really it's just a function of my shyness and my inability to react to the situation properly.

 

So, that being said, I absolutely refuse to meet with her next time and not push my boundaries in some way. I could really use some advice as to how to make this go as well as it possibly can without damaging the preexisting relationship.

[Vertex]

What about tomorrow night -- we're meeting up again. Should I invite her to a bar/go for drinks/food/etc in addition to our random-ass "teaching" session?

[Silver_star]

That's the thing though -- if she weren't interested (and I never made a move, let's say), we'd still be friends afterward. The problem is that I don't want to turn things down an awkward road because "I'm that friend that at one point hit on her" or something.

 

Not much happened really...and I dont think that her actions on st.paddys day alone can be evidence of romantic interest in you. She might, but its not enough so far. So far it sounds like a day out with a guy friend. Even the touching of the wrist, i mean if shes comfortable with you..that kind of touching would not seem too odd for her or sexual in any way.

[threebyfate]

Yes you should.

[Vertex]

Not much happened really...and I dont think that her actions on st.paddys day alone can be evidence of romantic interest in you. She might, but its not enough so far. So far it sounds like a day out with a guy friend. Even the touching of the wrist, i mean if shes comfortable with you..that kind of touching would not seem too odd for her or sexual in any way.

 

I guess. Maybe she's just touchy?

 

Gah why can't women be more obvious with this stuff. ;-;

[threebyfate]

Analysis-paralysis. What actions have you taken, that make it obvious you're interested?

[sweetjasmine]

Gah why can't women be more obvious with this stuff. ;-;

 

Well, let me put it this way. Are you being obvious with this stuff?

 

Analysis paralysis. Don't let yourself get carried away and have your mind go into overdrive analyzing every detail over and over. You have to learn how to relax a little and take it easy. Make a move. It won't be the end of the world if she says no and it's not going to ruin your friendship.

 

You're never going to feel comfortable doing this sort of thing unless you bite the bullet and push yourself to try it.

[sweetjasmine]

TBF, you read my mind!

 

Sorry for the cross-post, I'm a little slower than you are.

[refurb]

Ask her out. Make it simple, say something like "Hey, do you want to get a drink/dinner, just the two of us?" Make it clear your asking her out on a date.

 

Two points:

1. You will never know for sure if she is into you by her actions. Some girls are obvious and others aren't (but think they are).

2. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to ask and the harder you'll take a rejection (if it comes to that).

3. It will only be awkward if you make it so. The longer you wait, the more likely it will be awkward (see point #2).

 

I've asked girls out, gotten rejected and still been friends. The key was I asked early enough so that I didn't take the rejection very badly. Be upfront, you'd be surprised how well it works.

 

RF

[georgia girl]

Straight up - no woman decides to hang around all evening (especially on St. Patrick's Day) unless she either a) has nothing better to do or b) is into you. You already had a date - she asked if she could meet you out for a drink. Now ask her out before she decides that you're not worth all of her effort.

[Vertex]

We both work pretty long hours (we're both in Finance) -- it's very possible that she just had nothing better to do. XD

 

What if I sent this: "Hey, last night was fun -- do you want to get drinks tonight with me?"

[Ruby Slippers]

What if I sent this: "Hey, last night was fun -- do you want to get drinks tonight with me?"

Call her.

 

And by the way, I found the graph hilarious and endearing. But then I'm secretly a nerd and love others of my kind.

 

Vertex. Go for it! I think there is very strong evidence in this thread that she likes you.

 

But she's a girl, and she wants you to go get her... tiger.

[Vertex]

I'm telling you -- once I've got my foot in the door... all bets are off. I become raw, unbridled power -- overflowing with an effervescence of energy, encapsulated in flesh, and coated in pure cool

 

Until then though I am a total putz, hahaha.

 

I've picked up the phone and put it back down like twenty times in the past 5 minutes. Ffffffuuuu---

 

This **** is hard.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm telling you -- once I've got my foot in the door... all bets are off. I become raw, unbridled power -- overflowing with an effervescence of energy, encapsulated in flesh, and coated in pure cool

 

Until then though I am a total putz, hahaha.

I am sometimes the same way. I can be so awkward around a guy I like at first... until I know it's "safe".

 

It's going to be fun to observe this story unfold.

[alphamale]

Now, I just can't tell at all. Are these things indicators of interest at all, or purely friendly?

she's just being friendly unless you didn't tell us about the part where her tongue was down your throat

[Vertex]

she's just being friendly unless you didn't tell us about the part where her tongue was down your throat

 

Ah I knew I left something out.

[lordWilhelm]

Ask her out by calling (not email or IM). Don't necessarily call it a date but do pay for it at the end.

 

Follow your black line, and you should be okay.

[DustySaltus]

Here we go Vertex:

 

[Vertex]

I unfortunately chickened out last night. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt like "Alright, we hung out Wed... and now I am considering asking her on Thurs even though we're also meeting on Fri" -- I felt like I might be overwhelming her if I did that.

 

In any case, we had previously agreed to meet up today sometime.

 

 

Her roommate has told me that she's typically into slightly older white guys (I am a white guy myself but more her age, if not a bit younger), but I am wondering if the signs are consistent:

 

1. The other night we discussed work and she said mentioned that she was intimidated by authority. She asked if I was the same way. I told her "Absolutely not -- I usually feel pretty confident about work and recommend different/more efficient ways to do things all the time to my boss."

 

2. A while back we had also gone out to dinner in a group setting, and she seemed impressed by the fact that I had put myself through school/been self-sufficient since an early age.

 

3. Tonight she wants me to help teach her something that's so nerdy that I can't bring myself to mention it here.

 

4. I know that at one point this guy who was a millionaire was after her, but she wasn't interested (apparently the dude was not physically attractive at all).

 

5. At one point we talked about how we spent out free time and we both basically did the same things (i.e. not a whole lot given our crazy schedules, hahaha. We read, go online, occasionally hang out with friends, etc). She said it was nice that we both had similar schedules because we understood what it was like.

 

6. We're both graduates from competing universities and had both gone through similar issues when it came to the job market as a result of timing (I had multiple majors and so I graduated in the summer, which put things behind schedule a bit. She was laid off at a very well-known bank as a result of cutbacks). She seemed really receptive to the fact that I knew personally what she had felt during that process.

 

Alright:

 

My questions: First off, let me know at any time if I am stretching this way too hard and these signs just scream "friendzone," but please evaluate this stuff on its merits otherwise. I am wondering if these signs point to perhaps the "reason" for her preferences -- I am hoping that she's just into strong, authoritative types? I wonder if by "teaching" her tonight I am really taking a position of authority that may somehow be attractive to her.

 

Maybe I'm looking too much into this, but it's just how I wind up thinking, unfortunately.

 

Any ideas/advice/ways to test the waters tonight? How do I ensure this goes well? I plan on calling her tonight to ask if she's still on for meeting up... what's the best way to phrase it? Should I offer to bring drinks or food (I think she wanted to get takeout or something)? Is this a case of obvious friendzoning and I am missing the completely obvious? Or do you think there's room for making my niche, here?

[Vertex]

Here we go Vertex:

 

 

Hilarious XD Hahahha

[refurb]

I unfortunately chickened out last night. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt like "Alright, we hung out Wed... and now I am considering asking her on Thurs even though we're also meeting on Fri" -- I felt like I might be overwhelming her if I did that.

 

You're just making it harder on yourself!

 

Man up and make it clear you aren't looking for a friendship! You'll end up in the friendzone otherwise!

 

RF