Author helgaisbroken Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 Helga It has been 24 hours now, any word?Yes he said he needs some time to think about it.
JustJoe Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 It will take time, Helga, but YOU must make him understand that you're all about him and nobody else. Tell him you will never be alone with another man, EVER! And then follow through. You must be transparent, yes, but your actions MUST match your words.
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Allow him time and space. Respect that he needs to deal with this alone until he's ready to talk to you. What you can do though is, email him with all your passwords to your email, facebook, and info to your cell, so he can check up on you if he feels the need to. Take this time to think..Remember that night and ask yourself why you allowed the OM to touch you. There has to be a reason.. Saying I don't know isn't a reason..Sorry to say this, but I don't know is either a denial or it's fear to admit that you got caught up in the moment and were only thinking of yourself, no consquences etc.. When you figure it out, write it out on paper. Call a counselor to help as well, doing this will show him that you are willing to everything possible to prove your trust again.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Wow... you're the most negative person I ever heard of. nope, just truthful. you know why you did it. "I don't know" is just a cop out. I'm wondering if you got burned badly in the past? If so it's understandable but you don't have to add bitterness to my answers nor downplay them. bitterness? or the truth? hmmmmm:cool: I'm dealing with this as best as I can. It is true that at the moment (besides being intoxicated), I didn't know what exactly led to my cheating. maybe you cheated because you were NOT attracted to this other guy...wait, no...that wouldn't make any sense. maybe you cheated because you really didn't want to mess around with another man....wait....that wouldn't make sense either. bottom line, people do what they want to do. I have no desire to cut off my finger.....therefore I wouldn't do it.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 Allow him time and space. Respect that he needs to deal with this alone until he's ready to talk to you. precisely. he should go to her if he so desires, and if he doesn't go to her, then she needs to just leave him alone.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 And helga, even though you ****ed up it does not in any way mean that he gets a "free pass" so to speak. If he suggests that he wants a revenge cheat then the relationship is completely doomed and you may as well start getting over him and TRY to learn from this mistake. actually, he would be entitled to a "free pass". if he isn't speaking to her and needs time, then there really isn't a committment at this point and time. isn't that what everyone who excuses cheating on here does? calls it a break and therefore thinks they have a "pass"? but I agree, if he wants to even the score, committment or not, then its doomed.
FryFish Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 There is no such thing as a free pass in a committed relationship. If he wants one then they arent in a committed relationship.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 You do need to search deep and figure out why you cheated. You have never felt this way about any other man? Then why did you cheat? I have a strong feeling you needed to be validated. Desired by another man. You feel yourself getting closer to being tied down to one man, and you wanted to make sure you still were desireable to other men... But who knows; only you do... Write in a journal and keep writing until you stuble upon more and more insight into to this...
Dexter Morgan Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 There is no such thing as a free pass in a committed relationship. If he wants one then they arent in a committed relationship. thats pretty much the same thing I said.
Joe Normal Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 There is no such thing as a free pass in a committed relationship. If he wants one then they arent in a committed relationship. She got a free pass - so by your logic, that means they aren't in a committed relationship, in which case he has no obligation to be faithful. Basically, if someone cheats, then their partner can cheat 3-fold in return with full justification before they are even.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 She got a free pass - so by your logic, that means they aren't in a committed relationship, in which case he has no obligation to be faithful. well, I would say that a free pass would mean that one party would have to just put up with a cheating episode without complaint. So she isn't really getting a free pass because he should be holding her feet to the fire. Basically, if someone cheats, then their partner can cheat 3-fold in return with full justification before they are even. While the thought might be delicious to think about, why bother cheating in revenge? then the person betrayed would become no better than the offender. I wouldn't want someone that cheats, even if they did it in revenge. It tells me what kind of person they really are.
Author helgaisbroken Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 Allow him time and space. Respect that he needs to deal with this alone until he's ready to talk to you.This is what I'm doing now. He hasn't responded to my text messages nor calls. Hopefully he does come around when he is ready. I think he will because I'm still on his facebook. What you can do though is, email him with all your passwords to your email, facebook, and info to your cell, so he can check up on you if he feels the need to.I did and 2 days ago and he hasn't answered yet. Take this time to think..Remember that night and ask yourself why you allowed the OM to touch you. There has to be a reason.. Saying I don't know isn't a reason..Sorry to say this, but I don't know is either a denial or it's fear to admit that you got caught up in the moment and were only thinking of yourself, no consquences etc.. When you figure it out, write it out on paper.After analyzing my situation I think it was the fact that since I never felt that type of special bonding towards a man nor deep passion/love, I panicked and acted out. Call a counselor to help as well, doing this will show him that you are willing to everything possible to prove your trust again.I'll go to my campus counselor because it's free there.
Author helgaisbroken Posted March 24, 2010 Author Posted March 24, 2010 You do need to search deep and figure out why you cheated. You have never felt this way about any other man? Then why did you cheat?I freaked out for the most part. It was getting very serious that I acted out on worthless urges. I have a strong feeling you needed to be validated. Desired by another man. You feel yourself getting closer to being tied down to one man' date=' and you wanted to make sure you still were desireable to other men...[/quote']That might be part of the explanation of what happened. I never knew what it felt like being in a committed relationship. I was used to toying with men for years that if they were to get hurt, it was no problem for me. At the time, I felt like the center of attention. I knew if one got hurt, there's always the next one and I didn't felt bad at the time. It's different now. I hope he does find it in him to give me another chance.
on1wheel Posted March 25, 2010 Posted March 25, 2010 Helga, I'm going to change it up here a little bit with this off the wall opinion, but I'm thinking maybe you should keep this one under wraps. Seriously. If you honestly believe you will never do this again, and you really truly love this guy, then try to get over the guilt and just resolve yourself to never making this mistake again. Chalk it up to a painful lesson learned, let that be the end of it. Janeinvegas, ur advice is for her to compound 1 huge mistake with another? No offense, but if that's how U treat the men in your life I feel sorry for them. To the poster, what U did was horrible, but if U love him U have to confess. He has a right to decide if he wants to forgive U & I promise U that it'll be worse for him if he catches U. Just explain it all, tell him how U feel about him, that you'll do whatever it takes to win back his trust & hope for the best. If U listen to Janeinvegas, what kind of relationship will U have when it's all based on lies & cheating? The truth will set U free. Good luck.
2.50 a gallon Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Helga It has been over a week. Did he come back?
Kenyth Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I think this particular goose is cooked, but it's not a total loss. She learned a valuable lesson in life here. We all have to learn our lessons somehow. Some lessons are harder to learn than others, but they all have value in that they shape us into better people.
GG2W Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 What lesson did she learn? She made a minor mistake, confessed and got burned.
FryFish Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 What lesson did she learn? Its not ok to cheat on people. She made a minor mistake,Wow... I would hate to have to know you. confessed and got burned. We dont know that yet... and how is she getting burned?
2.50 a gallon Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 One can be too honest. My mom is a good cook, however there are some dishes that were just so-so. For example her meatballs. Did we ever tell her? No. Actually, my dad hated her meatballs, but ate them all of his life. My grandma loved to dance, and thought she was a good dancer. Not so, she just couldn't go with the beat. Did anybody ever tell her? Same answer. Her and grandpa used to go out at least once a week right up until she had a stroke. Many of us on this board have had multiple sex partners prior to settling down with our SO. If they ask, if they are the best that you have ever had, and most do, do you tell them the the truth? Read Helga's first post. She admits to having been a player in the past. Take it from one who has been there, players think differently. You get in the habit of doing things a certain way, and it takes time, and experience to change your ways. My first almost fiance caught me cheating. At that time, for the life of me, I could not understand why she was so upset. It was only sex. We weren't engaged yet, so what right did she have telling me who I could have sex with? Getting back to Helga, she admits to in the past toying with men, breaking dates, etc. This was her first real relationship, she was just beginning to learn the rules. And I suspect, all that you have done, by pushing total honesty is put her back in the the players world. Someday in a year or two she might get lucky and find another man she can try to build a long loving relationship with. But, in the meantime, she is going back to her old ways. And take it from one who has been there, she will be going out and breaking hearts with a vengence.
FryFish Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 One can be too honest. Ya... but not when you are talking to your significant other about who else you are having sexual encounters with. Its ridiculous for you to compare lying about cooking to lying about sex.
Author helgaisbroken Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 Helga It has been over a week. Did he come back?No he hasn't come back yet. He told me he'll think about it. He's more hurt that it was done on Valentine's Day and about the part of me forgetting he was expected to come. This is really killing me, not knowing if that's a no or yes but leaving it at 50/50. I want him back.
Author helgaisbroken Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 I think this particular goose is cooked, but it's not a total loss. She learned a valuable lesson in life here. We all have to learn our lessons somehow. Some lessons are harder to learn than others, but they all have value in that they shape us into better people.I won't ever cheat again. What on earth was I thinking? Now it's uncertain if he'll come back or not. I'm hoping it's a yes but if not, then I would have to accept it's a loss and sadly move on.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I won't ever cheat again. What on earth was I thinking? now this is the cold truth about it. this is the answer whenever anyone asks, "what was I thinking" or "I don't know why I cheated" Answer: you were alone with a guy that you were attracted to and you WANTED to mess around with him. its that simple.
Eurydice Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Good luck, Helga. I cannot offer much better advice than the others, but you chose what was right for you, and it will pay out in the end. It may be a period of hurt, but you'll get better. My best wishes are with you.
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