Mary3 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 What are your values ? Does your partner share those ? If not , so you think the relationship can last ?
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 What are your values ? If you're talking about core values, here are a few: Monogamy.Live by my own code of morals, rather than what others attempt to dictate to me.Treat family and close friends with love, trust and respect.Taking personal responsibility for choices in life. Sky's the limit, if you're so inclined and nothing can hold you down, beyond yourself.Self-sufficiency and independence.Fiscal responsibility.To never intellectually stagnate.Communication and permanent resolution are keys to a good relationship.Children are a gift and should be raised in an environment of love, trust and respect, including secure boundaries, which expand as they mature.Does your partner share those ? Yes he does, which is why our marriage is so very easy. We intuitively understand each other. I think much of this has to do with being raised with very similar foundational backgrounds. In the past, I've been involved with the odd guy where when it came time to discuss issues, it was like the two of us were speaking alien to each other and nothing ever got resolved. Piss poor dynamic and very unhealthy over time.
Author Mary3 Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 Thank you threebyfate I really enjoyed your responses. Other than values, what other commonalities should a couple have together ? Like for instance money , the use of it and financial decisions.
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I can't say what's right for everyone but for us, we're both fiscally responsible and fuel our marriage 50/50. The only difference we've had with reference to financial matters, was fairly recently, which I posted as a thread. This issue was resolved, post haste and won't be rearing its ugly head again.
Author Mary3 Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 I can't say what's right for everyone but for us, we're both fiscally responsible and fuel our marriage 50/50. The only difference we've had with reference to financial matters, was fairly recently, which I posted as a thread. This issue was resolved, post haste and won't be rearing its ugly head again. Do you feel that if one of the partners wants to control all the money that it could doom the relationship ?
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I think any one person 100% controlling any aspect of a relationship, is doomed to failure, since sooner or later, unless one partner is inequivocally a life-long doormat, they're going to lash back. Every person has to sooner or later learn to be an adult, willing to shoulder their portion of the relationship.
sally4sara Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Lying is a recognition of someone holding power over you. You feel the impulse to lie because of what they can dish out as a consequence but the lie can have consequences too. So the only power you have in the consequences is to stand in truth. I give no one power over me; I tell the truth. It is much easier to say "no thank you; I cannot do (whatever)" than to say yes and not live up to it or say yes and do it begrudgingly. Don't make a promise you cannot keep. The failure or resentment of doing it can drag you down. I do not promise what I cannot freely give. If you help someone and think it will get you a reward, favor, or consideration you will be disappointed. The reward IS the ability to be an example of human kindness. You will be a jerk accidentally more often than your limited self awareness will allow you to recognize. I try my best to offset this fact with altruistic acts of kindness. As often as the opportunity comes to you, seek to learn skills that can serve to make you as self sufficient as possible. You never know when you will have to be on your own. If you don't know how to respond to someone or something - don't. Actions and word born in the heat of the moment almost always have bad results. Educate yourself and approach it or them again later. Spending money is not a talent or skill. Saving it and making it can be. You will screw your children up in some way. If you worry that what you're about to do might contribute to this, find a better way. If you're not examining what you do with or to your children, you've already effed up. Standards fluctuate with the amount of options, opportunity and basic needs you have available to you. Morals do not. Learn to tell the difference.
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