jack5100nv Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I have been dating this girl. Went on 5 dates. I did not make myself too available in the beginning. Last week I asked her if she wanted to hangout on Friday or Saturday, she said she is going out of town which she did and asked if Sunday is fine, I said yes. Last Sunday (5th time) we hung out, we made out. I said, "I can't get enough of you". I was going to make further moves, she said its too late, I took it as an indication to leave. While walking to the car I asked "when do I see you again?" She said, I do not know, what are you doing this week? I said, "I have to work on something on Monday but later this week just work, nothing after that". She said, well "give me a call tomorrow". She is usually busy. I called her on Monday night she did not pickup. She called me Tuesday morning while going to work, I was at work and did not pickup. We played phone tag until Tuesday late night I picked up her phone and talked to her. She said she has to prepared for work tomorrow and only talked for 5 min. She said she will call me on Wed, tonight. Most people are saying that I am being too available. I do not want her to loose interest in me. 1. Should I not pickup her phone tonight and then call tomorrow? 2. Also, should I just tell her I am busy this weekend and make her wait? Or should I ask her out for Friday or Saturday again?
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Your analysis is correct. You should do both of what you mentioned, and you should start dating other women if you can.
alphamale Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 1. Should I not pickup her phone tonight and then call tomorrow? yea just let it go to voice mail and then tomorrow tell her you were out without giving any details... 2. Also, should I just tell her I am busy this weekend and make her wait? Or should I ask her out for Friday or Saturday again? tell her you can get together sunday and make up some stuff about Fri/Sat
LovelyDaze Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I have been dating this girl. Went on 5 dates. I did not make myself too available in the beginning. Last week I asked her if she wanted to hangout on Friday or Saturday, she said she is going out of town which she did and asked if Sunday is fine, I said yes. Last Sunday (5th time) we hung out, we made out. I said, "I can't get enough of you". I was going to make further moves, she said its too late, I took it as an indication to leave. While walking to the car I asked "when do I see you again?" She said, I do not know, what are you doing this week? I said, "I have to work on something on Monday but later this week just work, nothing after that". She said, well "give me a call tomorrow". She is usually busy. I called her on Monday night she did not pickup. She called me Tuesday morning while going to work, I was at work and did not pickup. We played phone tag until Tuesday late night I picked up her phone and talked to her. She said she has to prepared for work tomorrow and only talked for 5 min. She said she will call me on Wed, tonight. Most people are saying that I am being too available. I do not want her to loose interest in me. 1. Should I not pickup her phone tonight and then call tomorrow? 2. Also, should I just tell her I am busy this weekend and make her wait? Or should I ask her out for Friday or Saturday again? As a woman on the other end I can tell you two things honestly. A.) She is playing games to be "hard to get" and keep you chasing her. OR B.) She REALLY has a busy life and does want to see you but both of your schedules prevent you guys from anything concrete. In either case, I'd say don't play any games with her. If you want to go out this weekend, call her. In fact, if say you ask her out tomorrow and she doesn't know if she can or doesn't pick up, just leave her the message for HER to call and let you know by (example) Friday morning. Now, if she doesn't contact you by Fri. morning, then cut her out of your plans for the weekend. If she gets around to calling you that night or afterward, just tell her you made other plans. That whole deal will show you if she is playing silly dating games with you or not. By telling her for HER to call you, she has to give you some kind of sign of interest towards dating you. If she never calls again, don't worry...she wasn't kidnapped, abducted by aliens or got amnesia, she is just not into you as much and you need to cut your losses and date a girl who will be.
Lakeside_runner Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Geez! DO NOT PLAY GAMES!!! What's up with that - don't pick up the phone, let it go to VM and then call back next day? What's the purpose of that? Why can't people just pick up the phone when somebody's calling and not pick up when they can't pick it up?
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 If you follow the advice in the previous two posts you will assuredly lose the girl. One poster has a sig here saying men shouldn't take advice from women when it comes to dating women. This is very good advice.
LovelyDaze Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 If you follow the advice in the previous two posts you will assuredly lose the girl. One poster has a sig here saying men shouldn't take advice from women when it comes to dating women. This is very good advice. Oh how sad, Tnerforireyeh.... I just gave YOU advice just a minute ago. LOL! I guess you'd better ignore it!
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 While walking to the car I asked "when do I see you again?" She said, I do not know, what are you doing this week? I said, "I have to work on something on Monday but later this week just work, nothing after that".Here's the defining point. Rather than saying "when...etc", you should have stated a day, like "Let's get together on Wednesday". If her response was "Sorry, can't make it on Wednesday" with no alternative day suggested, your response should have been "Okay, another time, then", given her a friendly but asexual peck on the forehead and walked away. Do you understand how this puts you back in a reasonable position of control over your own time? Now, back to the current time. She told you she'd call. If she doesn't call, DON'T call her. If she can't follow through with actions to match her words, let her drift off into obscurity.
LovelyDaze Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Now, back to the current time. She told you she'd call. If she doesn't call, DON'T call her. If she can't follow through actions to match her words, let her drift off into obscurity. Exactly. She has fingers I am sure...to call you back. I ALWAYS return a call from a date when asked. That is just courteous. Like threebyfate says, if she doesn't answer back...forget it.
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Oh how sad, Tnerforireyeh.... I just gave YOU advice just a minute ago. LOL! I guess you'd better ignore it! Well, I appreciate you posting in my thread. Your advice wasn't "wrong," it just wasn't very profound. It was a net zero, if you get my drift.
Lakeside_runner Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I don't have much experience but in my last relationship I set up all next dates at the end of a date. For instance, we saw each other on Sunday and at the end I'd ask her out for lunch on Wednesday. On Wednesday I'd ask her to do something over the weekend etc. I'd also call in between dates just to check up on her etc. I'd never call when she said she's gonna call me - happened actually only once within 3.5 months (which now that is over gave me something to think about... ).
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 in my last relationship I set up all next dates at the end of a date. For instance, we saw each other on Sunday and at the end I'd ask her out for lunch on Wednesday. On Wednesday I'd ask her to do something over the weekend etc. I'd also call in between dates just to check up on her etc. I don't believe any of that is a good thing to do.
Author jack5100nv Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 If you follow the advice in the previous two posts you will assuredly lose the girl. One poster has a sig here saying men shouldn't take advice from women when it comes to dating women. This is very good advice. Actually I believe it. Even though playing games in not considered good, I have to. from my personal experience, every time, I have been nice to a girl, made myself available, they lost interested in me with a blink of an eye. This time I think I caught it early on and can still save myself.
Author jack5100nv Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 Oh how sad, Tnerforireyeh.... I just gave YOU advice just a minute ago. LOL! I guess you'd better ignore it! Your advice is good if I am in a relationship. I am trying to get a girl, this will I think drive her away. has happened to me too many time. Every time I was available and called her like a gentlemen, i got nothing. Nice guys finish last. It is subconcious for women to go for what they can't have so they go for bad guy or guys that do not pay attention to them.
Author jack5100nv Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 She has a college class til 10pm. i think she will call. If she calls after 10:30 I am not going to pickup since I will be getting ready to go to bed anyway. if she calls between 10 and 10-30, I will pickup, hows that? regarding making plans. I have plans on sunday so I can't tell her sunday. i am thinking i will say I am busy fri, sun and during the day sat, sat night is the only time.
Author jack5100nv Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 I don't believe any of that is a good thing to do. I agree, make them think. Don't just make plans with them right away. The reason I said When Do i see you again was to see how she responds and how soon she wants to see me. Wanted to know the pace. I actually tried making plans with a girl right after the date. Got three dates, spent $150 and received nothing from it. she said she will call after the third date and no call from her. Go figure.
Author jack5100nv Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 Here's the defining point. Rather than saying "when...etc", you should have stated a day, like "Let's get together on Wednesday". . The reason I said "When do i see you again" was to see how she responds and how soon she wants to see me. Wanted to know the pace. Does she want to see me after 2 days or a week but it kind of backfired on me I guess. It's hard to deal with women. They play too many games.
tkgirl Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 (edited) She has a college class til 10pm. i think she will call. If she calls after 10:30 I am not going to pickup since I will be getting ready to go to bed anyway. if she calls between 10 and 10-30, I will pickup, hows that? regarding making plans. I have plans on sunday so I can't tell her sunday. i am thinking i will say I am busy fri, sun and during the day sat, sat night is the only time. or if she calls and it's after 10:30 then send her a text in the morning... or if it's after say, 10:45 better make it an email the following day... geesh! I don't know about you but MY head is starting to hurt thinking about all this! just go with the flow dude! quit stressing... sounds like you put the ball in her court... so if she doesn't call you in the next day or two just forget about seeing her for now and make other plans for the weekend... don't be desperate. and I thought only girls stressed about when will they call kind of stuff... Edited March 18, 2010 by tkgirl
kassy Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 You know what is so much better than playing stupid games to not be available... meeting someone who actually has a full and busy life and is often unavailable because of it. If some guy was always available at the beginning I would be put off by the fact that he didn't have a life and would become very needy and demanding if a relationship developed... which may or may not be fair at all. Just my two cents, but then I'm a girl, so don't listen to me
tkgirl Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 You know what is so much better than playing stupid games to not be available... meeting someone who actually has a full and busy life and is often unavailable because of it. If some guy was always available at the beginning I would be put off by the fact that he didn't have a life and would become very needy and demanding if a relationship developed... which may or may not be fair at all. Just my two cents, but then I'm a girl, so don't listen to me well put... I was trying to make the sort of the same point in my last post... but since we are girls he shouldn't take our advice!
CLC2008 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Your advice is good if I am in a relationship. I am trying to get a girl, this will I think drive her away. has happened to me too many time. Every time I was available and called her like a gentlemen, i got nothing. Nice guys finish last. It is subconcious for women to go for what they can't have so they go for bad guy or guys that do not pay attention to them. OP them not having interest had NOTHING to do with what you posted. The connection most likely just wasn't there to begin with.... I cannot think of of a time, when the connection wasn't there, that it increased just by a man not returning a call or two. Depending on what your looking for in terms of dating/relationships, it just does not work that way. And like other posts have suggested, there is a very distinct difference between being available 24-7 versus having a life of your own.
threebyfate Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 The reason I said "When do i see you again" was to see how she responds and how soon she wants to see me. Wanted to know the pace. Does she want to see me after 2 days or a week but it kind of backfired on me I guess. It's hard to deal with women. They play too many games.Ah, so you were playing a game with her and she played better, right? Come on. If you keep gaming, so will she. Be the man, step up to the plate by driving the pace of dating, rather than allowing yourself to be led around by the nose ring. Define date, time, place. If she won't match your effort, move on.
marsle85 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Absolutely. It's not so much about "playing" hard to get, it's "BEING" hard to get. Live the life, not the lie. The guy i'm seeing and I experienced this phone tag for a few days, and when we finally talked on Wednesday, I emphatically appologized because I was already busy for that week. Because even though I WANTED to see him, come Tuesday- I'm calling my girls up and making plans purposely. I try not to wait for calls. And as for guys playing hard to get- it's debatable. I can say I don't like it, and that they should pursue...but in my situation, the guy was pretty on and off in the beginning and I couldn't get enough of him. Now that he's more involved I think I appreciate his presence more. it's still early. And speaking of which-- tkgirl, i'm interested in your thoughts: Man-of-the-hour returned from vacation Sunday, texted Sunday... I stopped responding mid conversation (I was out). Monday, I shot him a text saying "whoops, sorry..." He asked me out for Friday. Now it's Wednesday, I received another text followed by pretty fliratatious, confirming messages. Bummer? Is that I woke up with a cold today and will probably be sniffly/congested Friday. AKA- i'm not going to a date feeling/looking gross... gotta cancel :-( Noooooooooo haha
Author jack5100nv Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 You know what is so much better than playing stupid games to not be available... meeting someone who actually has a full and busy life and is often unavailable because of it. If some guy was always available at the beginning I would be put off by the fact that he didn't have a life and would become very needy and demanding if a relationship developed... which may or may not be fair at all. Just my two cents, but then I'm a girl, so don't listen to me I have a life and a full time job. It is that I make time to see her. It is not that hard to make time for someone. So if someone says they do not have time and not free for a week, I don't believe it and take it as they are playing games, hard to get, hence trying to be not available. So, in order to show that I have better things to do then make time for her, I have to play not to be available, it sucks, I do not want to do it but if i don't she ain't gonna like me since i will be "too easy'. anyway. if she calls before 10:30, I will ask her out for saturday.
Author jack5100nv Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 I cannot think of of a time, when the connection wasn't there, that it increased just by a man not returning a call or two. Depending on what your looking for in terms of dating/relationships, it just does not work that way. Di you watch How I met Your Mother, that episode when Robin goes out on a date and was going to tell the guy she does not want to see him when he called. but he did not call for a week and she wanted him to call and was totally upset about it and wanted to talk to him. Well that does happen in real life.
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