waterudewing Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I've been dating a girl for a little over a month now and everything is going great. She told me that her best friend was her ex boyfriend, and at the time she said it I was okay with it. I figure why would she be there with me if there was anything going on between them. Recently I hung out with both of them, and he was a nice guy who included me in on the conversations; apparently he is dating someone else too. I'm not sure who broke up with who, but seeing them getting along so well was a little unnerving for me. Not to mention the fact that I'm right out of college, and her ex boyfriend is older and more successful than I am. I kind of feel like there might still be some emotional attachment there even though she swears there isn't. To me it seems like they could still be boyfriend and girlfriend, just without the sexual part. She did seem to make sure when we were all hanging out that she was there for me, so I give her kudos for that. What I don't understand is why she doesn't have any best friends who are female? From before the relationship? Seems like every girlfriend I have has all guys for friends. Girls say they have guy friends because the guys are easier to get along with than women, but they don't seem to realize that guys are so easy to get along with because they're trying to get in their pants. (Sorry this last part is a bit off subject, just ranting). Would anyone else worry about this? If they are still friends am I just there to make him jealous? Or until they find out they want to be back together?
2sure Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Women who have no women friends , just guy friends - always say it is because men are easier to get along with. Turns out the reality is there a reason other women do not like them. I was that woman Men and women can be friends. I believe that. Having been a women with almost exclusively male friends all of my life, including every ex I ever had ... When I remarried...where did they go?? I realized many of them did really like me but they were ...kind of waiting just in case. Looking back, I sort of must have known this because I particularly enjoyed the company of a guy or a group of guys if I kind of knew they all liked me. HAPPY to say ---I am waaayyy past all that.
DustySaltus Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Girls say they have guy friends because the guys are easier to get along with than women, but they don't seem to realize that guys are so easy to get along with because they're trying to get in their pants. (Sorry this last part is a bit off subject, just ranting). Well, I think you just answered your own question. In my opinion I think she wants to be "friends" with him and he is just waiting for another opportunity down the line and staying "friends" with her in the interim. You're in a tough spot.
Author waterudewing Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 You're in a tough spot. Damn, I was hoping maybe it was just me over analyzing things. They have both had serious relationships since each other. Does that make anything different?
freestyle Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 It's normal to be concerned or even worried in a situation like this. And I don't think it's normal to keep that close of a friendship with someone after breaking up. Much like 2Sure, I maintained friendships with some of my exes......interesting how they vanished in a puff of smoke when I'd get involved with someone new. In your sitch, OP, it seems like your gf is being thoughtful about your position, and not making you feel like a third wheel, which is good..............but I totally understand that you've got questions in the back of your mind. It helps if you're not the rebound, but I guess my level of concern would depend on how much and how frequent the involvement in each other's lives is. If they're still hanging out a few times a week, or talking frequently,I would be concerned.
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