Mary3 Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Guys I was wondering if you like having deep discussions with your girlfriend ? This would include matters of behaviors , fidelity , or more serious subjects. Or do you wish not to hash out every detail of your feelings about matters ?
bayouboi Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I do, but I'm learning that being open is a no-no if I want to keep a relationship going so I'm trying to keep stuff to myself more.
Author Mary3 Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 I do, but I'm learning that being open is a no-no if I want to keep a relationship going so I'm trying to keep stuff to myself more. I wonder if keeping silent about your feelings is destructive ? Shouldn't we be able to express how we feel about things without the guy cringing ?
carhill Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I find it a quick way to determine incompatibility. If 'intimacy' is a one-way street, and the woman has no proactive interest in my 'sharing', bye-bye The clear imperative is finding a compatible partner. Such 'sharing' is a fundamental part of who I am, and sacrificing it to be in a marriage was one of the unhealthiest things I could do. It won't happen again. Bye bye...
Author Mary3 Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 I find it a quick way to determine incompatibility. If 'intimacy' is a one-way street, and the woman has no proactive interest in my 'sharing', bye-bye The clear imperative is finding a compatible partner. Such 'sharing' is a fundamental part of who I am, and sacrificing it to be in a marriage was one of the unhealthiest things I could do. It won't happen again. Bye bye... So you like to cuddle and share thoughts . I am that way too. Some men don't want to cuddle or talk about deep things...
threebyfate Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Straight up, any man/woman who can't express and show his/her feelings, within reason (good lord, not all the time since everyone needs a breather), is someone who also can't communicate worth shyte. While H, isn't continuously mooshy, which would drive me crazy, he's very good at discussing and expressing both positive and negative feelings/issues.
carhill Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 So you like to cuddle and share thoughts . I am that way too. Some men don't want to cuddle or talk about deep things... My stbx and I had to deal with a lot of emotional stuff, both within our M and during the divorce process. Remaining focused was difficult; communicating emotion in a positive and calm way was/is difficult, but IMO can be accomplished, and was/is. Sure, both of us slipped. That said, IMO, it was being mutually 'open' to the process, even with differing emotional tempermants, which allowed us to divorce amicably. This, IMO, is the postive result of effective MC. Clarity of understanding and learning how to communicate better. Women whom I see now who have occasion to inquire about my life and times get a sense of that learning in how I speak about painful subjects (like my mom's illness) openly and with care, and show interest and understanding in their life and times. Whether they find such interactions attractive I have no control over. I'm too old to be anyone else but me, clarified a bit by some good MC. In my case, evidently, the 'spark' will necessarily emminate from intimacy rather than mystery. Does such a woman exist? I still have hopefully another 30 years of so to answer that question. YMMV
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 nah I don't talk about that junk with anyone. I keep my relationships light and fun. I don't take life seriously so it's hard for me to get into those types of discussions. I usually crack a joke and ruin it. Women learn this about me pretty quick.
sagetalk Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I like deep discussions, but not about everyday behavior. That is boring and and guaranteed to spin her off into negativity land. Now if it's serious stuff like cheating, yeah, but not stupid things like you only hold my hand 15 times a day when you should hold it 100 times a day .
sweetjasmine Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Women whom I see now who have occasion to inquire about my life and times get a sense of that learning in how I speak about painful subjects (like my mom's illness) openly and with care, and show interest and understanding in their life and times. Whether they find such interactions attractive I have no control over. I'm too old to be anyone else but me, clarified a bit by some good MC. In my case, evidently, the 'spark' will necessarily emminate from intimacy rather than mystery. Does such a woman exist? I still have hopefully another 30 years of so to answer that question. YMMV carhill, I really admire your attitude.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Such 'sharing' is a fundamental part of who I am, and sacrificing it to be in a marriage was one of the unhealthiest things I could do. It won't happen again. Bye bye... I totally agree. Good for you for finding that clarity. One thing that really turned me off about the last guy I dated is that he didn't ever want to seem to know too much about me and would sometimes act as though talking about anything in any depth was a chore. As an inquisitive, truth-seeking person, I LOVE having deep, intellectual discussions about life, the universe, and everything. In fact, I would have no interest in having a relationship with a man who didn't also enjoy them. I'd rather be single and have awesome conversation with my friends than sit there with a boring bump on a log who has no thoughts or opinions.
Bejita463 Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 As an inquisitive, truth-seeking person, I LOVE having deep, intellectual discussions about life, the universe, and everything. Sometimes the question is more important than the answer.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 In my case, evidently, the 'spark' will necessarily emminate from intimacy rather than mystery. Does such a woman exist? I still have hopefully another 30 years of so to answer that question. YMMV Again, totally agree! For me, the excitement of love comes in KNOWING another person, not in wondering about him. When I have to wonder all the time, I lose interest. The more I learn, the more enthralled I become. Even with all you can know of the infinite ocean of another person's heart and mind, there are those hidden places you will never come close to seeing or understanding. But the search is so much fun.
alphamale Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Guys I was wondering if you like having deep discussions with your girlfriend ? i've dated mostly college educated women and i try to avoid deep discussions with them. if "deep discussioins" include the latest fashions in Glamour magazine then yes i have. generally i've found that women are not interested deep philosophical, political discussions. they are more content to watch the latest episode of House or Dancing with the Stars. so i keep my important discussions for men
sagetalk Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 so i keep my important discussions for men I'd say that's a pretty good idea. I think I'm going to start implementing this more often.
alphamale Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I'd say that's a pretty good idea. I think I'm going to start implementing this more often. you should, its quite liberating
sumdude Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 i've dated mostly college educated women and i try to avoid deep discussions with them. if "deep discussioins" include the latest fashions in Glamour magazine then yes i have. generally i've found that women are not interested deep philosophical, political discussions. they are more content to watch the latest episode of House or Dancing with the Stars. so i keep my important discussions for men Sounds like it might be time for you to up the ante regarding the women you're seeking. You say you're in a slump.. take a little time to ask yourself what you really want in a relationship and once you have a target start looking again. As an inquisitive, truth-seeking person, I LOVE having deep, intellectual discussions about life, the universe, and everything. In fact, I would have no interest in having a relationship with a man who didn't also enjoy them. I'd rather be single and have awesome conversation with my friends than sit there with a boring bump on a log who has no thoughts or opinions. I agree completely. I would say that pretty much every woman I've been with short or long term stimulated me intellectually as well as in other ways. After all, most of a relationship is communication. Some of my favorite memories involve a little ritual me and my ex wife had. She would take a bath, have some candles lit, a glass of wine and I would sit on the floor in the bathroom and we would just talk. Of course I was also enjoying the view. Again, totally agree! For me, the excitement of love comes in KNOWING another person, not in wondering about him. When I have to wonder all the time, I lose interest. The more I learn, the more enthralled I become. Even with all you can know of the infinite ocean of another person's heart and mind, there are those hidden places you will never come close to seeing or understanding. But the search is so much fun. The trick is not to reveal too much to fast. If someone starts pouring out their life story and every detail right away it's too much information and a turn off. Also takes away the little fun and mystery of finding out something new down the road..
alphamale Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Sounds like it might be time for you to up the ante regarding the women you're seeking. You say you're in a slump.. take a little time to ask yourself what you really want in a relationship and once you have a target start looking again... i remember once i was talking to a gf about some stuff. i brought up some political event that took place and her answer was "i spent all day at work, i don't want to talk about boring depressing things, i want drama". and click on went the TV. and this chick had a masters degree and a good job
sumdude Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 i remember once i was talking to a gf about some stuff. i brought up some political event that took place and her answer was "i spent all day at work, i don't want to talk about boring depressing things, i want drama". and click on went the TV. and this chick had a masters degree and a good job Well degrees and jobs don't really amount to a hill of beans when it comes down to a persons communication skills and preferences. It's just one of those compatibility things. Personally I tend to swim in the deep end and prefer others who are the same or I get bored.
alphamale Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 the nerdy girls tend to like deep discussions but i don't usually date them. they are nice to have as aquaintances. but yes most of my "deep" discussion are with men
Pyro Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 i've dated mostly college educated women and i try to avoid deep discussions with them. if "deep discussioins" include the latest fashions in Glamour magazine then yes i have. generally i've found that women are not interested deep philosophical, political discussions. they are more content to watch the latest episode of House or Dancing with the Stars. so i keep my important discussions for men Ever consider the thought that those are the type that you are attracted to? Lots of women out there who can have a deep meaningful conversation and dislike the reality tv crap.
Woggle Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Very much so but I also like the fact that she can let her hair down and have fun as well.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 The trick is not to reveal too much to fast. If someone starts pouring out their life story and every detail right away it's too much information and a turn off. Also takes away the little fun and mystery of finding out something new down the road.. Sure, it needs to happen naturally. But in every great relationship I've had, 2 or 3 hours enthralled in great conversation could pass by in no time, and we were both still grinning and eager to learn more about each other and the ways we viewed the world. Anything less isn't worth bothering with, in my opinion. My last boyfriend and I once took this 3-hour walk along the shoreline of the lake, starting at his place on the north end of the city and walking several 6 or 7 miles toward downtown. We were having great conversation most of the way, watching as a storm swirled in over the skyscapers. It was gorgeous! That day remains a very fond memory for me.
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 If I thought women, or indeed anyone, could actually comprehend and discuss the second law of thermodynamics and how it affects the future of the universe, or Cassavetes vs. Kurosawa, or the role of the hippocampus in how we remember our childhood, I would. But but but, there's not one in 1,000 people who can talk about any of those things, and not one in 100,000 who can intelligently discuss all three. So I watch The Bachelor with em then get 'em to pull down their panties. That's how I relate.
Recommended Posts