stewed Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I'm brand new to the LoveShack and to the whole D thing. Has anyone explored the relative benefits of doing a Separation (legal or otherwise) instead of a Divorce? My wife and I are pretty much thru. Have gone separate ways and its unlikely we would ever reconcile. We've been living together "for the kids" for 2 years and still have 2 years til they go off to college. I make all the money and am wondering if its worth just doing a separation and dealing with the legal nonsense in 2 years. I kinda trust her not to ring up a bunch of credit card bills while separated (she is looking to move out) as she's been worrying about the cost of this for quite some time. Thus the 2 years still together. I've read that there are tax benefits to paying her alimony but that we'd have to do a "legal separation" which would kick her off of my medical insurance. I have every expectation of taking care of her financially until she's back on her feet but seems there are a couple of different paths to get there. Anyone have similar experience?
carhill Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 IMO, it just drives the cost of divorce up, but YMMV. If you have substantial net worth, get competent legal and financial advice. Here's some quick verbiage from Nolo: Legal separation. A legal separation results when the parties separate and a court rules on the division of property, alimony, child support, custody, and visitation -- but does not grant a divorce. This isn't very common, but there are situations where spouses don't want to divorce for religious, financial, or personal reasons, but do want the certainty of a court order that says they're separated and addresses all the same issues that would be decided in a divorce. The money awarded for support of the spouse and children under these circumstances is often called separate maintenance (as opposed to alimony and child support). In some states, separate maintenance can be obtained with a motion pendente lite, or a motion "pending the litigation." Usually a lawyer files this motion. These motions set the tone for what may be awarded in a future divorce judgment. My understanding from my consults is that a legal separation, in our case, would not have benefited us. My stbx had considered it, but, once I crunched the numbers, I sold her on a straight amicable divorce. Whatever is the most efficient way of severing the partnership is what you should do, IMO, presuming ending the marriage is what you wish. YMMV. Good luck
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Why do LS, when you can just finish it off with divorce. hopefully your state will not make you pay like over the top alimony!!! Besides, you guys are done, why go through the motions of LS, when divorce will end everything, at least you dont have to pay chld support. let her support herself. Do things the right way.
mark982 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 before she moves out, i'd sure as hell cancel any and all credit cards, people do crazy stuff in dire times.
Author stewed Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 LoveShack is a phenomenal resource for me at this time! Everyone's opinions are very much appreciated and frankly, exactly what I'm looking for as I really had no frame-of-reference on my own. I read some similar threads from several years ago and really uncovered some additional info that has inked the D vs. S topic. Specifically, I think my wife is looking for separation SPECIFICALLY to be with other men. As I said, she's done a lot of things to improve her appearance and is the hottest 50 year-old (hell, hotter than most 30 year-olds) I've seen. She's out partying and coming home late and there's no question she's flirting or more. I've told her that I can't/won't deal with infidelity and she decided that she wanted to move forward with separating (she's gonna move out). I've pretty much decided - thanx to the help of LoveShack - to file for divorce as there's no chance for reconciliation and after she goes out and sews her oats, I won't want her back anyway. Focusing on all the other - overwhelming - comments to get back on the horse and focus on myself and my kids going forward. I'm pretty damn good-looking myself;-)
floridapad Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Stewed - It sounds like you have a plan. Now execute it. She will occassionally waffle...or not. Make sure you get everything you are entitled to. She has probably been with OM for a while. Once OM dumps her (it's a matter of time) she will be desperate for money. Get the D done as quick as possible while she is in fairytale land. Wonce her bubble is pooped and the OM goes away she will be alone and start becoming frantic about money. Get the D done pronto.
Author stewed Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 Yeah, she's a waffler and basically driving me to make all the decisions. Nicely puts me in the driver seat.
Doing it Since '78 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Yeah, she's a waffler and basically driving me to make all the decisions. Nicely puts me in the driver seat. Which is not a bad place to be, you can control the pace and possibly the outcome of this whole thing. When you draw papers up, keep everything vague except the things you want, make those direct, leaving no ambiguity. But everything else leave it vague, to allow yourself more wriggle room, you can do it dude! Strike while the iron is hot and she is in gaga land While my STBXW was so pressed to run back to her OM, she signed our seperation agreement without reading it, if it comes back to kick her square in the A$$, well next time focus on what's importrant
tnttim Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Have her get a job and establish some work history. Then when you guys D you won't pay out your as* in alimony
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