rebeccajones Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 In a way it's not a big deal. We live together and he went to visit his family. It's just that I've been concerned because I recently told him a very close friend of mine is a lesbian (hate that word). I had never mentioned it before because she was single so now she is with someone and I just told him. He did wonder why I never mentioned it before. ANyway I have alot of friends who are, because I met them during and soon after college. That was many years ago but they are still in my life although in a way I try to keep them out. Because my family and I don't want my boyfriend to know I partook in those kind of things. I may have to be upfront with him but how? Introduce him to xgfs? OMG I have one who is a friend, but I don't speak with often. Anyway he is gone and now is staying another day and I'm just worried that he is pulling away and I'm feeling insecure without him. How do I handle this? Do I tell him? Do I keep quiet and act like it does not bother me? Could he be there wondering about me and if he want the relationship since I never told him my friend was lesbian? Could he be doubting? I am feeling extra insecure should I just go out and make myself happy? Do something fun? and forget about it? Thanks LS
Author rebeccajones Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 I'm getting the feeling he's not into me and he just doesn't care.
mrkleen Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Is this your mandingo warrior? Maybe he is on an extended hunting safari. Hang in there
Author rebeccajones Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 hes like the guy from the movie "Australia"
bayouboi Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 rebeccajonesquickiwantyoutogogetabrownpaperbaghurrydon'twasteanymoretime.Doyouhaveit?Goodnowcoveryourmouthwithitandbreatheinthenbreatheout. Now breathe in... now breathe out. Now breeeeeeathe....in..............now breeeeeeathe....out...
Author rebeccajones Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 ah im feeling better. I need it. AH! thanks!
Ms. Joolie Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 The only thing you can do now is have a conversation with him about all this... you will have to be honest, and yes it will be hard for the ego. Just tell him the truth. If he can't accept this and needs his space, you'll have to let this go. Or he might just need some time to think about things. However, you not saying anything is hurting the situation. You must have a conversation with him and come clean, or else it can turn into another issue down the line. (If not with him, then with someone else.) You can't hide the issue here; confront it, stay strong. You can do it.
Author rebeccajones Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 Someone suggested that I keep it light not so serious.
Ms. Joolie Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 (edited) Yes, that would be excellent. Keep it simple and light... and you don't have to go into details. lol. Practice with a friend first maybe? Or you can totally just let it go if you're okay with that, and not have the conversation, let him go or just wait and see if he stays. But when this comes up in the future again, how you address it will be important. I think it's important that you address this to him for yourself. I mean, unless you absolutely don't see this issue coming up again, you'll have to come to terms with it and discover how to talk about it when it comes up. No worries. People who are truly attracted to you - want you, want a relationship with you - will listen and accept that part about your past. They'll look at you now and not yesterday. Who knows. You may never need to bring it up again. But for now... I'd suggest braving the conversation. Edited March 17, 2010 by Ms. Joolie
Author rebeccajones Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 When i was very casual about it in the past and very upfront about it to past boyfriends it got used against me. I think they did not take me serious, one called me names or else they were not the right ones. I feel like I was a bit too open and ok about sharing everything. I want to protect myself from that. I feel I am who I am now and have been all my life, but I experienced something, for a few years, same sex relationships, but it was not right for me. UGH but everyone has their own perspective on things so I don't want to tell everyone.
Kamille Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Why would you jump to the conclusion that the reason your bf is staying away for longer then planned is because of something you said or did? could it simply be that his family needs him right now? Shouldn't you first ask him if everything is all right with him and his family?
Author rebeccajones Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 I think part of it is me jumping to conclusions and my insecurities because of past relationships, I'm used to being let down or not seen as important and it scares me. OK yes he does need to spend time with them, his family. I think that again I am insecure about my past sexuality and jump to conclusions that he is wondering y I never discussed my friends sexual orientation. Prob doesn't make logical sense, but worrisome to me nonetheless. I am ok but unsure.
Wolfgirl Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 hmm, seems a lot ta worry about. But, as I said, if he does question why you have lez friends, it may take some time to get used to that. It can be a lot to take in for some. good luck!
make me believe Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I'm confused. Are you bisexual? If so you should have been upfront with your bf about that from the beginning and I wouldn't blame him if he gets upset about it. If you're not, but you've just had some sexual experiences/relationships with women in the past, then I don't think he has any right to know about that or get upset about it.
Author rebeccajones Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 No I am not bi. I love my bf. I am not interested in rela with a woman.
Ms. Joolie Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Right now then it seems like these are two separate issues. issue#1: Your BF has been gone 3 days. issue#2: Your afraid of how your BF might react if he finds out about your bi experimenting. First catch up with your BF. Keep it calm and casual, but def touch basis with him and see where he's at. Ifthe conversation opens to your lesbian friend, then be ready to admit that you were hesitant to tell him about it. He'll then ask why. Be prepared to give a sweet and simple answer. I mean, it really isn't a big deal. If you love him, and he loves you, it'll turn out okay. I don't know the details of your bi history, but all you need to do is own that part of your sexual past. Say it was just a thing you tried, but you are definitely not bi. You'll have to work out your explanation as you see fit, but owning it is the only way you'll get secure in this.
Author rebeccajones Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 I see that does help I need to "own" it. Like who I am. I love that. That is awesome. OK I'll do that talk with him and see if anything comes up.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I agree that one's boyfriend does not necessarily need to know every detail of one's past ... but you are clearly troubled and worried about this. If you have a serious relationship with a guy who would not be able to accept this, don't you feel that he is not really able to accept who you are? Even if you won't ever have "relations" with women again, you don't need to feel bad about having had them in your past. An open minded boyfriend would be a good thing - for any woman.
Author rebeccajones Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 I'm thinking I need to "own" it and be ok first. I have not been accepted or loved by past boyfriends and I feel that I have to protect myself from heartache. Also in a way I feel he does not need to know, but I want to be so honest always as if he deserves to know everything. I probably don't know everything about him. I also don't see my past actions affecting our relationship. Thanks very much!
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