mfrmboy Posted January 11, 2004 Posted January 11, 2004 My ex just called and I was very cold on the phone the conversation went something like this...... me: hello him: what are you doing? me: working him: I was calling to see if I could put this horse on your other pasture. me: no, there is no divider between the pastures. Put it at your mom's. him: I cant because they are getting ready to get a divorce and I dont want to get in the middle of it. me: Oh him: yes me: well, good bye him: bye I have been doing the no contact for over a month now. He knows there is no divider between the pasture's, He took it. My nerves are all tore up now. I wonder why he called. I think it was to see how I would act toward him. The last time we spoke I was very upset with him asking how he could do the things he was doing. I had several nasty things to say to him! I know he probablyis fighting with the guy he is with and is seeing how I will treat him, so he will have me to fall back on. Well it's not gonna happen! If you need background you can check out my post under Coping - were broke up He's with someone else were still having sex im lost. It was a rollercoaster let me tell you. I am through with him, I dont want anything to do with him. It felt good to be able to be so short with him but it hurt's so bad to haft to. Im gonna stick to my guns and not contact him. Just when you think they are almost out of your system they call. Did I handle the call as I should have? I feel as though I did, mabye he wont call back. I can only hope. I wanted so bad to ask how he was doing or if I could see him. But I didnt and wont. Im just hurting sooo bad!!!!
Iamhappy Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 Good job! I know how difficult it can be to suppress that urge to call, the urge to ask them how they are and how their life has been (without us). You've been through enough with this guy.
Author mfrmboy Posted January 12, 2004 Author Posted January 12, 2004 Thank You !! It is hard but I am gonna stay with it. I just don't need this in my life. I spoke with a friend of mine and he told me That my ex has moved in with his dad which is a good news. He's away from that guy! Bad new's I moved here from another state just across the river. (I had a place paid for) The reason I bought this property and made our home here is because all his family is here. Very Very small town In the stick's. I drive through a swamp to get to my land. The road ends on the savannah river. It's a beautiful area. But his father 's house is just around the corner (1.5 miles) Like I said stick's. If he does stay we will run into each other, plus we have mutual friends. I hope I handle it ok! Mabye I should offer him the house. Ask like 5g's and take over payments I would like to live closer to the ocean! Enough to start over. LOL
Author mfrmboy Posted January 15, 2004 Author Posted January 15, 2004 Well I think I really screwed up last night. It was around three am and my ex called said he could'nt sleep we talked for a little while and then he asked me if I would come and get him. I said yes, I cant believe I said it, but I did. I went and picked him up and brought him back to the house. We watched a cher concert and in it there is a song about getting back together we were both in tears. we held eachother and wept. Then started making out and as you have probably guessed we made love. He told me that he would do what ever it took for us to be together again. I just held him and gave no response. I feel like I am so stupid, how can I believe him? I am so scared, Ive been hurt so bad over and over by him. I love him so much and I know he loves me but, after the things he has done how could I ever trust him again. Everyone even the two of us have said we were meant for eachother. I think Im just gonna play it safe and try to keep him at a distance. Try not to get so attached all over again. I will date him while he lives with his father. When he has got it together and I know he is finished with the other guy. When he has proven himself to me then mabye Ill be able to accept us as a couple again. I just dont know if thats what I want. Ive been doing so good on my own! Im so confused right now ! Any word of advice or encouragement or scolding are greatly appreciated!!
Arabess Posted January 15, 2004 Posted January 15, 2004 You aren't stupid. You are just a woman in love with a man. Your heart doesn't have an 'on/off' switch....you can't make your feelings go away at will. However, reliving a past mistake isn't a good thing either. I think anyone who has truly loved someone else....does the 'backslide' thing. Maybe this was what happened to you. Once you catch your breath.....you can try to be more objective and remind yourself why you left the relationship in the first place. Till then.....don't beat yourself up. Getting over the love of your life....is DAMNABLY HARD!
Author mfrmboy Posted January 16, 2004 Author Posted January 16, 2004 Thanks Arabess I didnt leave the relationship he did. One day out of the blue he tells me hes moving out. We were together for 7.5 yrs. Within a week and a half hes living with this other guy. He came to get his stuff and when I asked him about it he told me they were having sex (after 2 wks). He has gone back and forth twice. (We still were having sex all the while). The third time I told him if he didnt love me enough to leave the other guy alone then leave me alone. He moved back to the other guys within a day. I did the no contact thing for a month. (Total breakup time almost 6 months). well he's back and we are talking things are good so far. As far as I know he has not spoken to the other guy. I hope he dont. I think he needs to be on his own for a while, own as in not living with a lover. I will let things go ahead and see what happens but Im not gonna let him move back in atleast not for a long long while. I do truly love him but my trust has been destroyed. I dont know if I will ever trust him again and what kind of relationship would that be. It would be like keeping him in a cage or under a microscope. I dont see how we could be happy together. Only time will tell! By the way Im not a woman> Im a man>LOL We had bought property together, a house, had credit cards, joint bank account everything but a marrage license. In the state we live in same sex marrage is not legal yet. We filed bankruptsey and he gave up rights to the house and all content. When we signed papers on the house I considered it a contract between us and when he gave up interest in the house It was like us getting a divorce. He still say's that soon as it's legal he wants us to be wed. Im not gonna put his name on anything what ever happens Ive got to protect myself and my interest in the property. It's not just the trust issue it's also we want different things out of life and we live life differently. Like I fly, he doesnt. I want travel the world , He wont go if you cant drive there. If I were to get into the whole life partner thing again I would be denying myself alot. I think that living seperate may be the key. We can live our lives together but seperate at the same time. Any ideas or thoughts on this? Could it work?
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