12ape Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Hi there, I need some serious advice please. I was with my girlfriend for 6.5 months ( her longest relationship). Around 3 weeks ago my girlfriend said she wanted a break, as she wanted personal space? However, she still wanted to contact me throughout the break. She broke the news after an argument at a club the following day. (Tuesday) Anyway, I went forth with the break until Friday - where she knew I was round the corner to her house where she is (at a mates house). She text me saying we needed to meet up, so I did. She broke the news that her nan was unwell and that she needed a little reassurance from me because of this. I said I would be there emotionally and anything which I could do in my power to make her feel better. After a smoke and a cry, she announced that she wanted to pro-long the breal because she didn't know what she wanted? I said that, what is the reason for this - and she said she didn't want a realationship right now. We got into an argument, and I went home. No contact for the next 2 days, she then face booked me saying "how sorry she is for doing this to me" and that I said " I haven't made up my mind what I want either now"... We met up on the Sunday, in a park and I said that I know what I want and that is "You". She said that it could be too late and that there is too much distrust. So I reassured to her that I loved her, cared for her and wanted to be with her. So she said be "friends" until NEXT Sunday/Monday whilst she went home to her parents.. So we talked on facebook/msn/skype - and it seemed like she just wanted to be friends.... So I wasn't so cool on it, so I was being distant aswell as she was.... This carried on until Thursday, where I went to the pub with some friends - and I felt CRAP... I didn't know where I stood with her anymore, will we be just friends or is there more? (All my ex said was she can't promise anything). So I had to contact her... I said.. " Honestly, what do you want? Do you want to work on things or do you want to leave it now"? She rang me 7 times, left 2 messages saying - That I am immature for not picking up the phone.. I replied saying - that the most mature thing I am doing right now is wanting a straight answer, so she said that I have lied to her again and that she couldn't believe I have done this? (Trust?) 2 Days went past - She text me during the evening saying "Are you going to talk to me?" - I Ignored it for now, then 5 minutes later she rang me - I let it ring.. I then text'd her saying I was busy, and then she said " Give me a text when you want to talk"... 30 mins later she rang me. I picked up. She said that I was completey out of order not picking up the phone calls from Wednesday and that she had been crying all the way back to her parents house. That there is too much drama and that there is too much distrust. I said to her, all I wanted was a straight answer from you. She then explained that the previous Sunday when we met up that "We were going to make this work, and that she needed more personal space"... But I didn't get that accross from HER point - she didn't say it. So I said that I have told you what I want, and that it "you". She said NO, there is too much drama.. So we got into a little argument about how much I was wrong for doing this and that I am always getting "the wrong end of the stick" "ONCE AGAIN".... ? So I was like, do you really want to end it? She was hesitant as was like " Yes, I don't want to feel like this anymore" - Then I explained that I felt like I was in Limbo because of what she has been doing/saying to me for the past week... She wasn't taking any of it. So it seemed like she has turnt the table around - once again. So she said that she would ring me tomorrow - to see what I really want - and that if I didn't pick up the phone she would know? I was like - fine, said that I loved her - she said it back - and hung up. Saturday morning at 11am I was woken up to a message from her saying " I love you, but she is sorry that she can't do this anymore as there is too much distrust between us and drama that it can't be amended"?!?!? So I replied " If you want to let this love we have slip through our hands, you couldn't of loved me that much".. Then she replied " Im sorry, I can't ring you because I am on the bus to see some friends and people are around me". I then replied " Is this what you really want??" she replaied " Yes, sorry I can't do this anymore. You wanted a reply by text so here it is. Bye" So there is a ripping pain in my chest, knowing where I stand now. But I knew it wasn't the end of it. Something was lurking in the water.. So we didn't speak. She came home Monday. My friends were going to a club, and she was invited. I couldn't go as I had work the next day. I text my friend "J" saying, do you think there is anyone else? He replied " I Will look out man, she is acting normal right now". 2 hours later... ." Joe ".. I couldn't believe it! An old friend - who I don't really talk to anymore but I still see him and have a laugh at the club sometimes. I then said, what are they doing... He replied " Hugging, holding hands and touching each others legs". (Probably making out/kissing on the sly)... I freaked. Betrayed? Lost? Hopeless... He said that he had a word with both of them, saying it was out of line for them for be doing this so soon after a break up.. Though she was happily enough to turn around to my mates she was with and say "What would you say If I started to date Joe?" One friend said that she's keeping out of it all, and my mate "J" said that if you did that .. Sorry i'm not going to be your friend. So I rung up my mate "J" and I was asking him if this was true. He confirmed. I was distraught.. I didn't know what to think or say. I was talking on the phone for him for some time then he passed the phone to her. I asked, what on earth she was doing? She replied " It's over Sam, me and you are over" I was like " But with my friend?" She replied " So what? It's nothing to do with you anymore.." Once again, a intense personal abusive argument on the phone..... I freaked once again, I needed to do something. All these images of her sleeping around, dating other guys and all that drama running through my head - as it still does right now. It hasn't even been 2 weeks yet, and she is doing this, with someone I know!? Is this out of spite, or is this a way in which she can lessen the hurt? I don't know, but all i'm feeling like right now is Death... Distraught... Betrayal...Jealousy and lust... It HURTS... So I walked at 3am in the morning to my mate "J"'s house - got there around 3:30 and they came and picked me up on their way back. (After dropping my ex and a mutal friends back home). We went to another friends house, and me and "J" just talked about stuff and that she has one request that I don't "speak" to her again. Crushed & Depressive feelings arise.. I don't know what to do, I feel like death.... I will have to move on, but I can't see the light... Just this is playing on my mind CONSTANTLY. I keep thinking, what is she doing, what is she thinking? What is she doing with this guy? I can only think about intermacy on their behalf and that 3/4 weeks ago... She was with me, saying she loved me, saying that she would never leave me - there isn't anybody else, that I only appeal to her in that way.... Everything reminds me of her, I can't escape this. I'm feeling like I can't turn to friends that much because they are also reminders... Help, I need some advice.. I don't know what to say or do, or do nothing at all.
WSeeker Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I had a similar situation like yours. She is in more pain than you but she is trying to get over that pain by dating the other guys. I think you should stop contacting her and dont go dating because it is gonna mess your head even more. She broke up with you, dont talk to her any more. If she wants you back she will have to cry her eyes out in front of you while begging, but even then i wouldnt let her come back. There is nothing you can do other than to look after yourself and after some time passes find another girl(i mean if you want to). Whatever happens she will contact you again i promise you, but dont wait for that to happen.
Lucy_b Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I would go no contact on her do not even call awnser emails go on msn skype or any means of contact she can have with you. Let her know that you had enough of the mind games and you are going to move on while you are moving on she can work out what she wants. Be strong do not fall for the breadcrumbs talk I miss you, What are you up to, Can we chat My gf wanted a break to find out what she wanted and kept messing me about and as much as I talked had coffee , dinner, it was the same lines over and over again and it reached tippin point. We met in the park she brought her yellow lab and we sat on the bench and talked after she sent me emails saying she made a huge mistake and she wants me, but in the park said she was not sure to which I said dont mess me about and walked off and did not look back. Untill I snapped my phone chip up and changed it blocked on fb msn and changed my email all she had was the home phone number and let her know do not mess me about if you want me prove it. And now we are working things out but one more hic-up and I am off If she loves you she will find you some how and chase after you when it hits home that she has lost someone who really cares about her and the grass is not so green on the other side. You sound loyal and a genuien loving guy. stay strong x lucy
Author 12ape Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 Thanks, I did like this. Does anyone have any more advice?
LovelyDaze Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 It's real strange that she mentioned that she thinks you guys were going thru way too much drama yet it seems to be what she thrives on. You want a straight answer? She just gave you one. Your ex has now relegated you as her "backup plan" She doesn't want a break or space, she wants to date other guys and after she is sick of that and/or doesn't make a new love connection, she KNOWS you will be her "boyfriend-on-reserve" to go back to. That is very disrespectful and paints you as a fool. Don't take that. Go NC for your own self respect. The more you feed into her ego, the more miserable you are going to be. Don't believe it? Stay in contact with her. Things will get worse.
N.Colony Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 It's real strange that she mentioned that she thinks you guys were going thru way too much drama yet it seems to be what she thrives on. You want a straight answer? She just gave you one. Your ex has now relegated you as her "backup plan" She doesn't want a break or space, she wants to date other guys and after she is sick of that and/or doesn't make a new love connection, she KNOWS you will be her "boyfriend-on-reserve" to go back to. That is very disrespectful and paints you as a fool. Don't take that. Go NC for your own self respect. The more you feed into her ego, the more miserable you are going to be. Don't believe it? Stay in contact with her. Things will get worse. In agreement.
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