Eeyore79 Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 An interesting article I came across: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/02/16/the-case-for-an-older-woman I'd be interested to know people's opinions on the matter...
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 As usual with OKC, I love their stats and it's an intelligent article. However, trying to convince people to be attracted to someone else via logical arguments doesn't often work. I message older women because they're usually easier and better in bed, not because I find them more attractive. And I'm more logical than most men.
Crazy Magnet Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 The last lady my current BF dated was about 6 years older than him, so clearly he's open to the idea. I think it's rather telling though that he went from that to me, 5 years younger. He really wants marriage and kids (I know she didn't ever want to get married, and I have no idea about her desire for children) so when it was really time for him to start looking for someone to be a wife, he most definitely went younger. I dated a couple of guys 7 years my junior over the summer and fall. I had a lot of fun but they were just at a different place than me. I'd date a guy 3 to 4 years younger than me without a problem and I got a lot of messages from guys in that age range. I got guys in the 21-22 age range consistently messaging me too (I do look young though, maybe they weren't reading the age?)
Scottdmw Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 What I'm always curious about when I see this kind of thing is, what is the origin of the idea that it's good for men and women of the same age to date each other? Most cultures through history and around the world have thought it made sense for men to be somewhat older in a dating or marriage relationship. This accounted for the fact that wealth earning potential in a man is more important to women, and fertility in a woman is more important to men. But, at some point in the last 30 or 40 years in this country the popular culture adopted the idea that it is best for men and women to be the same age. Note, that is even now not actually the way things happen if you look at marriages. On average, men marry women who are about 4 years younger, and the statistic becomes more and more skewed the older you go until when you're talking people in their 50s the average gap is more like 10 years. Even going the other way with the woman older, it seems to me like usually the reasons people give for why it's a bad idea aren’t the real reasons. I doubt I'm going to convince anyone of anything here, but I would encourage people to think this over and ask themselves why they think being the same age is an ideal or even particularly desirable. I've heard some people give what are to me very inane and even silly reasons, such as it’s important to have grown up with the same music. I wonder do people think this over, or do they just accept the idea that being close in age is desirable? Scott
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I found the article interesting and agree with some of its findings. However, if OKCupid is the only source, I think it is not representative of online dating in general. For example, in my location, there are currently 202 men in the age range of 22-30 listed on OKCupid; there are only 37 men in the age range of 42-50 listed. This correlates with the article. However, on Match there are currently 153 men in the 22-30 age range listed and 158 men in the 42-50 age range listed. Even numbers and drastically different from OKCupid. I think older people are less likely to use OKCupid. I had never heard of OKCupid until recently and wondered if it was the same as Cupid.com. In my online dating experience, I am usually contacted by younger men, all ages but on average 35 and up. Most of these men already have children, have decided they are too old to start, or never wanted children. Unless a man is specifically looking for the mother of his future children, I think he will contact any woman he finds attractive, regardless of age.
BarryGon Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 265 years ago, Benjamin Franklin stated why it is better to go for an older woman. http://www.swarthmore.edu/SocSci/bdorsey1/41docs/51-fra.html
DMoon Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 What I'm always curious about when I see this kind of thing is, what is the origin of the idea that it's good for men and women of the same age to date each other? Most cultures through history and around the world have thought it made sense for men to be somewhat older in a dating or marriage relationship. This accounted for the fact that wealth earning potential in a man is more important to women, and fertility in a woman is more important to men. But, at some point in the last 30 or 40 years in this country the popular culture adopted the idea that it is best for men and women to be the same age. Slightly off topic, but the idea may from the fact that people in first world countries live a whole lot longer and have more free time than ever before. It is a cultural shift as well as a biological one due to extended life span. A shorter life span had a lot to do with a historical skew of larger age gaps. Until modern medicine extended the life span, most average men from caveman to early 20th century was between 18 to 40 years, discounting outliers like the very rich etc. For women the average life expectancy was even lower, since, giving birth--up until fairly recently---was perilous, she could easily die—and so was lowered from 18 to 30. This is of course if your kids managed to survive pass the age of 5. Thus a 25 year old man (and was probably considered middle aged) could easily have buried a wife or two, and thus would naturally, motivate him to continually seek younger women, which can vary anywhere from 12-19, 20 and up being too old of course. Life expectancy is demonstrably better from mid to late 20th century to now for 1st world and to a lesser extent second world at 62-80 years, but around the world life expectancy is still comparatively lower (as low as 40 in some third world countries) of which traditional societies would certainly be less likely to question larger age gaps in couples. Now that women have the possibility to live even longer than men in some first world countries I can see why the idea of same age couples would be more appealing, especially as she no longer needs a man to confer wealth and social mobility. Marriage has changed in that love and companionship are now stronger factors as opposed to simply child bearing and passing wealth.
Mr White Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 It is one thing to make the rational argument, and quite another to emotionally convince people. The rational side is clear - younger chicks are just annoying, boneheaded, brats for the most part . There is nothing like a civilized older woman . Back In college I dated a girl 13 years older than me - she was 37 when we broke up. Yet I'll be the first to confess that all that notwithstanding, I simply have a huge block to the very idea of dating a woman more than 1-3 older than me (I'm 33 now). Unfair or not, as soon as i see or hear an age over 36, it is as a switch is turned off in my head and I'm not interested in learning anything more (speaking in terms of dating prospects). Also, there are the fertility issues. If you start dating at 36, it's not like you'd start having kids right away - that would suck. Consider the standard (and for me - ideal) path - dating for 1-2 years, engagement 1 year, and then 1 year of married life before kids, and before you know it the woman is already 40 - an age where huge fertility problems begin. Of course that's only one scenario, but probably the most common one as far as guys' priorities are concerned. So basically the late 30s early 40s are a grey area where anything can happen, it really also depends on where people are in life and where do they want to go.
sagetalk Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Unless a man is specifically looking for the mother of his future children, I think he will contact any woman he finds attractive, regardless of age. This is true. I find older women (30-40 range) to be very physically attractive. They are also much friendlier, not as demanding, guys generally aren't drooling all over them like the <30 girls, and they are generally nicer. But the selling point for me is kids. I want to have kids of my own, and when women begin to reach 40, motherhood is probably something they are not wanting to deal with. I would not fault one of my male friends for dating or marrying an older women, especially the guys that don't want kids of their own.
burning 4 revenge Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 The last lady my current BF dated was about 6 years older than him, so clearly he's open to the idea. I think it's rather telling though that he went from that to me, 5 years younger. He really wants marriage and kids (I know she didn't ever want to get married, and I have no idea about her desire for children) so when it was really time for him to start looking for someone to be a wife, he most definitely went younger. I dated a couple of guys 7 years my junior over the summer and fall. I had a lot of fun but they were just at a different place than me. I'd date a guy 3 to 4 years younger than me without a problem and I got a lot of messages from guys in that age range. I got guys in the 21-22 age range consistently messaging me too (I do look young though, maybe they weren't reading the age?)Thats not really "older" When I dated someone six years older she certainly wasn't "Mrs Robinson". In fact she was a total juvenile. Older is like almost old enough to be your mother. When I was 20 that seemed pretty hot but at 35 I dont want anyone old enough to be my mother
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