marsle85 Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Some day when you are old and gray.....I hope you remember this great person that you discarded for such a superficial reason. Sex gets better with time and intimacy. Anything you experience upfront is based on animal emotion and you both being on your best behavior. I highly doubt you will be as good in bed at 45 or 50 as you are now. But I bet you will be wishing you had a good person, good cook, good friend there beside you. Giving up a good person because she wasnt great in bed is such a shallow, superficial excuse. Good luck with that karma bro. I don't see a problem with what he did at all. She had sex with him again willingly (after knowing what happened the first time). It's unfortunate, but she wasn't blind in the matter. Not to mention chemistry is HUGE in a relationship, I think it's entirely an important deal maker/breaker.
calizaggy Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 But guys, honestly.. Let's say you meet a girl whom you sense holds sex to a very high regard.. Maybe only a couple partners in her life.. She is amazingly beautiful to you, and seems to be everything you have ever wanted.. You date, kiss, she gives you lots of attention, no games etc. She is always available to see you, and makes time. You would bolt if you did not have sex during the first 5 dates? I think many men bolt on women they are not interested in in the first place. They might be somewhat interested, but that woman is not "the one"
sumdude Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 (edited) I'm not going to attack you. I can understand how this situation can occur. However, I am curious - Can't the chemistry be determined from making out, fooling around, those things people do before going all the way? Can you have chemistry during "making out" and yet not have it during "sex?" Or, are you saying she was a bad lover, didn't like the same acts, etc.? Just trying to learn here.................. ...Yeah me too:) The quick answer is that yeah.. I did notice it earlier.. but thought I was being hasty in judgment. You know there was a thread on here today that makes sense to me. Thread was a guy asking what makes a woman want a man sexually? One woman replied... the way he smells. I thought about pheromones and just how powerful they are even though we hardly notice them. Have you ever made out with someone and you felt it but it was eh.. ok? Even though they are very physically appealing? Your body still responded to the touching and kissing but it was like you had to try. So you think but this is a cool person and yeah it's been a while. Give it a shot you might be surprised. So many people say you should be able to work around this kind of thing. Oh it comes in time etc etc So i thought I would try that strategy. So maybe I thought I was just nervous or thinking about something else or who knows what. Then you see someone, barely touch them and it's electric? They may not even be as physically attractive as the other yet your whole body just wants them. I have an ex who is still my friend.. sometimes when i catch a whiff of her I have to regain control of my mind because it goes right into "must have sex now" mode. Pure animal attraction and instinct. My ex wife Same thing.. even when the relationship wasn't going well I still always wanted her. In fact there were times that's all the relationship had going and it managed to keep us together sometimes. There will be times in life when that will keep you together to make it to the upswing again. So that to me me is sexual chemistry. Now the trick is to find that (within reason of course) with someone who I like as a person, can get along with and am compatible with on enough levels. Who feels the same way about me. Sounds like a tall order but I've been in relationships where not all those qualifications have been met and they always end .. some badly. But there's only one way to find out and that is to try. Sometimes someone will get hurt, sometimes it'll be me sometimes it's someone else. That's just the nature of life and relationships. Edited March 17, 2010 by sumdude
carhill Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 You would bolt if you did not have sex during the first 5 dates? This would presume that the man approached with sexual behavior and was rebuffed within those dates, yes? Now, a concurrent question to ponder is, if he told her (and backed it up with actions) that he was looking for a serious, committed LTR and wanted to develop it slowly, and was physically affectionate, but not sexually aggressive, would she bolt? I just described my relationship style. So far, not many women find that compatible from an *attraction* standpoint. TBH, it's like they b!tch about guys pawing them and, yet, those are the guys they're attracted to, even as they b!tch. My experience on the couch with a married woman a couple weeks ago underscored that dynamic. They *like* that a man is out-of-control wanting them sexually. It drives their *attraction*. I've seen this dynamic, and heard it directly from women, for decades. Great, so go enjoy and don't b!tch about it
sumdude Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 TBH, it's like they b!tch about guys pawing them and, yet, those are the guys they're attracted to, even as they b!tch. My experience on the couch with a married woman a couple weeks ago underscored that dynamic. They *like* that a man is out-of-control wanting them sexually. It drives their *attraction*. I've seen this dynamic, and heard it directly from women, for decades. Great, so go enjoy and don't b!tch about it Amen brother! We forget that we're still animals sometimes. If a man is not sexually aggressive at some physical level there is rarely attraction happening on the woman's part.
Mr White Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 (edited) But guys, honestly.. Let's say you meet a girl whom you sense holds sex to a very high regard.. Maybe only a couple partners in her life.. She is amazingly beautiful to you, and seems to be everything you have ever wanted.. You date, kiss, she gives you lots of attention, no games etc. She is always available to see you, and makes time. You would bolt if you did not have sex during the first 5 dates? I think many men bolt on women they are not interested in in the first place. They might be somewhat interested, but that woman is not "the one" this is pretty much what happened with my gf - no hanky-panky until date # 6, and I was perfectly fine with it since I didn't sniff any game playing etc. But, I would have bolted long before that if I had sensed that she's multi-dating, wasn't consistent with email and phone communication etc. Modesty, humility and restraint go a long way with guys - contrary to the pop-culture portrayal of men. Unfortunately, these are traits that are largely lost to the today's generation of women. Conversely, the act of witholding sex alone will not make anybody respect you; it is meanignless unless you lofe overall reflects a non-casual attitude towards it. Edited March 17, 2010 by Mr White
calizaggy Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 This would presume that the man approached with sexual behavior and was rebuffed within those dates, yes? Yes, I would have had sex with her the first night.. Our dating consisted of us going out, and me walking her home at the end of the night, kissing her goodnight outside of her building..Nothing overly aggressive. However, since she made me wait, I got to know her on a deeper level, a level I might not have reached if I was already having sex with her. For years I dated women and had sex on the first night, by the third date, etc, and much of the time I was not even sure if I really was into them, or was into the sex..
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 But guys, honestly.. Let's say you meet a girl whom you sense holds sex to a very high regard.. Maybe only a couple partners in her life.. She is amazingly beautiful to you, and seems to be everything you have ever wanted.. You date, kiss, she gives you lots of attention, no games etc. She is always available to see you, and makes time. You would bolt if you did not have sex during the first 5 dates? Yes. I want sex! I'm a sexual person, and I don't like one woman to be in total control of my sex life. She could be the most amazing chick in the entire history of the universe and if she ain't putting out I ain't interested. I am not compatible with chicks who can "hold back," just as I am not compatible with chicks who don't drink, Republicans, Catholics, and chicks who hate sushi or chocolate. We hold vastly differing outlooks on life. So I guess what I'm saying is that a woman can't be "everything I ever wanted" without being easy. That's my #1 requirement.
calizaggy Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Yes. I want sex! I'm a sexual person, and I don't like one woman to be in total control of my sex life. She could be the most amazing chick in the entire history of the universe and if she ain't putting out I ain't interested. I am not compatible with chicks who can "hold back," just as I am not compatible with chicks who don't drink, Republicans, Catholics, and chicks who hate sushi or chocolate. We hold vastly differing outlooks on life. So I guess what I'm saying is that a woman can't be "everything I ever wanted" without being easy. That's my #1 requirement. So you do not respect women that do not spread their legs for every guy? You would marry a woman who sleeps with any guy that takes them to dinner? I think it is preferable to know a woman before you sleep with her..
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I have no problem with "experienced" women.
mrkleen Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Wow, congratulations on knowing what's best for everyone! That's quite a talent. So you disagree....that sex gets better the more you get to know each other?
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 So you disagree....that sex gets better the more you get to know each other? Yeah, not to speak for anyone but myself, sex with a girl I don't know is infinitely hotter than sex with someone I know well. The excitement of the unknown is what turns me on most.
stillafool Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Men are driven by sexual desire. I know no one here wants to bed hop when searching for a relationship, but seriously, look at the change in times. Sex is a huge part of a relationship for a man. IDK very many of my buddies (including myself) that would commit to someone and then start having sex. Knowing that I satisfy you in a sexual manner is a big thing for me, and probably for most other men. If the sex isn't good, nothing else will be for a man. Well it seems with all of the sexually experienced girls around, you should have no problem finding a relationship.
Author Lucky555 Posted March 18, 2010 Author Posted March 18, 2010 Now I am seriously considering online dating. Its been going on around and around in my head. Even though I don't really want to meet someone online I really have been thinking where the heck am i going to meet single guys. Maybe going online will change my luck. I just keep thinking how much time i have wasted in the past and if i go out and meet a single guy over coffee at least i will feel like I am making an effort to do something about my life. Its been awhile since i have had a relationship and its driving me nuts because I am getting older every day. Less and less of my friends are single and this makes it hard to socialize! Most of the single girls i know want to go out to clubs and drink and whatever. UGH. once again. I also want a companion, not just because of the social reasons. I would love to look forward to spending a day doing something and building a quality relationship. My friend who went online i remember her acting like myself right now. I thought she was just desperate...the fact is you just get tired of endless failed relationships and want to find the right guy.
CLC2008 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Is it wrong to expect a person to be in a committed relationship with you (calling your their gf or bf) prior to sex? In a case of wanting a committed relationship..not casual, not fwb, ( a real relationship). (For my future reference) Secondly, I was disappointed when looking online at profiles. I was tempted to pay for the service and then I saw what I could be looking at..it didn't look too promising. UGH! I read some profiles and there are words like "see where it goes" well i have found out this doesn't mean "I'm ready to settle down". just my experience Why oh why is dating so difficult. People just don't want relationships anymore or something. Amen sister!
marsle85 Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Well it seems with all of the sexually experienced girls around, you should have no problem finding a relationship. I don't know why it was necessary to knock down the women to prove your point that his relationship standard is skewed. And what about gross guys? I would NEVER, EVER pursue someone who tried to sleep with me on the first date. Even tried. You're literally a stranger, ew. ew. ew.
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 You're literally a stranger, ew. ew. ew. So funny how different people are. Sex with a stranger is one of the hottest things I can imagine.
Crazy Magnet Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Now I am seriously considering online dating. Its been going on around and around in my head. Even though I don't really want to meet someone online I really have been thinking where the heck am i going to meet single guys. Maybe going online will change my luck. I just keep thinking how much time i have wasted in the past and if i go out and meet a single guy over coffee at least i will feel like I am making an effort to do something about my life. Its been awhile since i have had a relationship and its driving me nuts because I am getting older every day. Less and less of my friends are single and this makes it hard to socialize! Most of the single girls i know want to go out to clubs and drink and whatever. UGH. once again. I also want a companion, not just because of the social reasons. I would love to look forward to spending a day doing something and building a quality relationship. My friend who went online i remember her acting like myself right now. I thought she was just desperate...the fact is you just get tired of endless failed relationships and want to find the right guy. Hmmm...I don't think everyone who goes online is desperate and I have no idea why everyone thinks that. It's just another way to meet people IMO and it's so mainstream now. I was far from desperate, but I'm willing to try anything once! Nothing ventured nothing gained, but I gained an amazing man. He's amazing by normal society standards (great job, successful, owns his own house, great degree from a top notch university, super smart, good looking...all that superficial crap) and by my standards (funny, down to earth, open, fun, into geeky stuff like me! a total snuggle muffin....we have so much in common!). The worst that happens by going online: you don't meet anyone. How is that any worse than what you have now? The best that happens: you meet a Mr. Wonderful yourself and that's great!
Jersey Shortie Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Feminism, more than anything else, contributed to this. Ironically, it is the primary cause of men begining to view women as primarily as sexual objects --> very few people will want to be committed and chivalrous to a woman that likely has been dating and hooking up since the age of 16. Women are much easier to sleep with these days, but much harder to love. Umm, men have viewd women as sexual objects since the dawn of time and sadly treated them as such. You weren't the one being traded for goats and junk. Not to mention that women were not allowed to vote or own land. Or the millions of sexual outlets men used to treat women poorly. Men like you are just upset because women indulged their sexuality where men were doing that for centuries and it shifted the power. Please spare us your Feminism was the death of all things in the world speech. And please spare us your comments about how men did nothing ever and are completlely unaccountable for anything in the world and it's all women's fault and feminism. Quite simply many men feel that they get nothing in return from women in their lives, so why even bother. What do women get in return from having a man in their lives? Maybe not much either because we divorce you after a couple years?
stillafool Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I don't know why it was necessary to knock down the women to prove your point that his relationship standard is skewed. And what about gross guys? I would NEVER, EVER pursue someone who tried to sleep with me on the first date. Even tried. You're literally a stranger, ew. ew. ew. I didn't mean for it to come off that way as I never "knock down" the women. I'm one. I support "sexual freedom" for women. I'm really saying that thanks to women being sexually experienced through their own freedom of it, the poster should have no problem finding what he wants. Some of the men on this thread only think a woman should sleep with one man their entire life - them.
silic0ntoad Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Well it seems with all of the sexually experienced girls around, you should have no problem finding a relationship. I'm confused; it is still trouble to find a relationship, I think. Usually I find things before I sleep with someone that would be considered a red flag and I run. Look, to be honest, men (and women, but to a lesser extent) are sexual beings. To a man, sexual prowess is symbolic for power, and dominance. We need to feel wanted, desired and sexually capable. It's nature, and it's the truth. I know within a few dates wether or not someone is worth pursuing. I usually know within 2 dates. Once I decide they are worth pursuing and I see no red flags, I'll sleep with them. If the sex is good, the chemistry is there, I'll ask the commitment question. I understand that sex, like wine, with one partner, only gets better with age, but I need to know that they are sexually mature and intelligent.
mrkleen Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Yeah, not to speak for anyone but myself, sex with a girl I don't know is infinitely hotter than sex with someone I know well. The excitement of the unknown is what turns me on most. Doesn't bode well for any kind of long term happiness. Good luck with that.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I support "sexual freedom" for women. I'm really saying that thanks to women being sexually experienced through their own freedom of it, the poster should have no problem finding what he wants. Some of the men on this thread only think a woman should sleep with one man their entire life - them At which point, you are then suppose to become a sex hungry, insatable love kitten *just for him* that does anything he wants including taking it up the ass, letting him ejaculate on your face or any other number or acts he saw and wants to try. I mean, seriously. The reason men fear women that have sexual experience is their own insecurities.
silic0ntoad Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 At which point, you are then suppose to become a sex hungry, insatable love kitten *just for him* that does anything he wants including taking it up the ass, letting him ejaculate on your face or any other number or acts he saw and wants to try. I mean, seriously. The reason men fear women that have sexual experience is their own insecurities. I fear no sexually experienced woman. I'd rather them be experienced; it shows growth, and, I don't have to try so hard to figure out what she wants. I mean, I usually am dominant in a sexual role, but her telling me what to do is fine with me. Besides, women who are sexually experienced are usually intelligent about it, and ensure that they practice sex in as safe a manner as possible. At least, the ones I've been with have anyway.
paperchase Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I'm going to say something that might offend but it's true. Sex is important enough to me that I will not marry a woman who I cannot help to achieve an orgasm. Oral, penetration, something. No I know not all women can, especially while exploring a new lover, but if they can't eventually it's a problem. Maybe it's my ego or maybe it's just my need to please. I once dated someone for 2 years who I loved and while I enjoyed making love, it was never fully satisfying. I've heard it all about orgasms not being necessary and women viewing sex differently than men, and that may be so, but it doesn't matter. When you and your lover can push each other's buttons in a way to produce multiple orgasms at will, it's a very special thing. Sex is so often underrated and so often the cause for cheating and break-ups.
Recommended Posts