now_what Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Condensed version of story. After 30 years of marriage my ex sent me an email while I was at work stating that he had moved out of the house. He was living with some old biker chick who he had known for a couple of months. He rushed me through a dissolution so he could marry his dream woman two weeks after our dissolution was final. He had never even mentioned this woman to our children and now he barely even has contact with our children. Anyhow, I noticed that when trying to access our mortgage company online so I could check the account and make payments, I noticed that my sign on did not work. Twice this happened and twice I changed it back. Then I got a letter in the mail with the mortgage history I had requested. I did not request this. I asked my ex if he had changed the access to the mortgage company site and he said he had in the past because he did not know my log in. I received the house in the dissolution agreement, but I have to pay for it. In our dissolution agreement it states that if any three payments are missed, the house is to be sold. I consider a payment to be missed if it is not made before the next one was due. My ex apparently got two notices stating that the payments were late. Yes they were not paid by the due date, but in the grace period. The only thing he could think of to do was go back to his attorney and have me taken to court to force me to make the payments on time. Of course he couldn't tell me about this. I just had a feeling he was up to something, so I looked at court records and low and behold our dissolution was reopened and a court date was scheduled. Of course he was too big of a piece of sh** to discuss this with me. He won't even talk to me - only emails and I could tell something was up. So, I got his number from my daughter and called him at this house - the first time we have actually spoken since May. I asked him why he was doing this and he said he only wanted the payments made on time. And I said couldn't you have just talked to me? I think his wife is yaking in his ear and put him up to this. He said he doesn't want the house sold, so why is he taking me to court? We did not have a very friendly conversation. He said it's out of his hands now. I guess I will contact an attorney tomorrow. He has not exactly lived up to everything in the agreement - he didn't quit claim the house to me, he's behind paying me for half of our daughter's expenses, he doesn't even see our daughter anymore, and the agreement states that both parents are to have regular contact with her. I was feeling kind of sentimental lately and actually missing him a bit, March 30 will be one year since the divorce. But now I hate him - oh, how much I hate him. I have never hated anyone so much in my life. Any suggestions on how to deal with this, right now I am filled with so much rage, I can barely think straight.
Sadbutrelieved Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 One suggestion I can make is to set up a PIN for every account you have and call each company to do it. They will set it up so that no one can call them and get any information at all without that PIN. That will keep your ex from playing around with your other accounts should he choose to be that low. Years ago I got a divorce and when my ex remarried the games began. His wife called the utilities as me and had them all shut off, and I had to have them all turned back on. Sure enough, two months later he took me back to court for custody of the kids saying all the utilities had been shut off so obviously I wasn't taking care of things. He didn't get away with it, but I had to PIN everything. They would call my bank and try to get my bank balance, they pulled my credit report using my information, and all kinds of dirty things. ETA: has the mortgage been changed so it's in your name only? If so, I don't see how he would have any say in it.
Template Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I don't know why some people do these kinds of things. It must be i'm naive, or I'm just holding on to whatever innocence is left in this world. Why do people who initiates the breakup feel the need to be vindictive and evil. My Ex was the same type of person. After kicking ME out of the house because I called "evil".. not evil bitch or evil <expletive here>... just "EVIL", after failing to aid me when I needed to be rushed to the emergency room, had the gall to threaten to take me to court for $1000 bucks for utilities for ONE MONTH. While I've tried to live life that people are inherently good, and are forced to make bad decisions, she made me believe that there are truly selfish, and bad people in the world. And now your story reaffirms that as well. I mean COME ON.. you broke up with us, we have the right to feel angry and vindictive, not you.
DenverBachelor Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Why do people who initiates the breakup feel the need to be vindictive and evil. It is a self-defense mechanism so they can convince themselves they aren't royally ****ing their life up and making a bad decision by painting who they were with as pure evil.
Author now_what Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 He's become quite the piece of crap, but then he hasn't made any sense for awhile. He snuck out of the house while my daughter and I were school and work, he shacked up with some biker ho he had known for two months, he rushed me through a dissolution so he could marry the bimbo right after our divorce was final, he didn't bother to mention that he was remarrying, which I think would have made changes in our agreement to specifically address this issue, he never even mentioned this woman to our children, yet he married her, he hasn't uttered a single word to me since last May, will only email. Now he has an issue with something and the only thing he can think of to do is take me to court? Wouldn't most people discuss this first? I have lived in this house for over 25 years and it is the only house our daughter has known. He says he doesn't want it to be sold, he only wants me to make the payments on time. So, he has told me that, why go to court? That will only cost money that could be better spent towards making the payments. After what he did to me, I should have made his life a living hell, but I did not. So, why does he feel the need to put the screws to me? I did miss him at times, after today, I don't think I will ever feel that way again.
Sadbutrelieved Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Is his name still on the mortgage? If so, can you get him to quit claim the place to you to get his name off? As long as he's on the mortgage, he has a leash on you.
donnamaybe Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Just because he does a quit claim doesn't mean anything to the mortgage company. I think they can still come after him unless you refinance the house in your name only. Check on that, but until his name is off the financial paperwork, he has an interest in whether payments are made on time as it will reflect on his credit report. I'm not defending him here, just giving information as I understand it. As for the court issue, file contempt of court charges on him for not following the court order as regards financial assistance for your child and visitation. That'll fix his little red wagon.
GorillaTheater Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Is setting up an arrangement whereby the mortagage company takes the mortgage payment directly out of your account an option? Seems like that would resolve the more pressing issues.
carhill Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 The only party who can release the spouse from the mortgage is the mortgage holder. Even the court, to the best of my knowledge, and from legal advice I've received, can't force that unilaterally. That's probably what happened here. The OP agreed to pay the mortgage solely, and lives in the house, and the ex remains on the mortgage as a responsible party. If the OP were to default, the mortgage holder could obtain a default judgment against both parties, and, dependent on market conditions, foreclose and obtain a supplemental judgment, if applicable, if the mortgage is a recourse loan. Given the OP's recitation, it sounds like her ex has his own issues, so being proactive legally can at least get those issues on the record. Getting blood out of turnip is problematical, even legally, but I hope their dissolution agreement has a provision for addressing the fees/costs wrt enforcing the settlement agreement. Catch his bank account on the right day and maybe he'll get the message IMO, the OP should petition the mortgage holder to release the ex from the mortgage. If done and denied, appeal. Be persistent. BTW, if you pay within the grace period, even if there is a 'fee' for certain payments within that period, the payment should be counted as received on time; it is not 'missed'. That's how it worked when I was making loans. Our borrowers had a grace period and it was accepted as on-time during that period. Every lender is different, but I never had a borrower who had derogs tell me they paid on time but the lender showed it as late. The credit reports were always accurate. If it said 30 days, they were 30 days or over. Good luck OP. I know court sucks, but unfortunately it's part of the process for some. As long as your ex cares less, I would expect more of the same in the future.
Author now_what Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 Thanks to all for the advice and suggestions. I still feel like I have been sucker punched though, he's pretty good at doing that to me. I saw online that I will be getting a certified letter with a court date and something, blah, blah, about contempt and reason for cause, blah, blah, blah. I'll show him contempt.
Author now_what Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 Good grief. I got my notice to appear in court today with my ex's affidavit. He is claiming I am in contempt of court because I failed to make my mortgage payment in January. I did not fail to make anything, I had to make the payment late, because I DID NOT GET MY CHILD SUPPORT!!! Some type of quirky calender thing, they did not withhold child support because there were 27 pays in 2009. The only reason there were 27 pays last year, is because they paid a day early because of the New Year holiday. My child support case worker said he had never heard of such a thing, but accounting said that it was ok and I would get the payment when my child support ends - June 2011. I was feeling sick about the whole court thing, but I just had to laugh at this and it made me feel much better.
Author now_what Posted March 26, 2010 Author Posted March 26, 2010 I tried to get my ex to drop the contempt charges after meeting with an attorney and finding out since he has not been "harmed" in any way, he has no case. I checked my credit bureau report and both mortgages are shown as being paid "as agreed", 0 late, 0 delinquency since they were opened. Why he feels the need to "punish" me and make me spend money I simply do not have on an attorney is beyond me. He said he would just let his lawyer and the court handle things and he did not wish to discuss anything except our daughter. This is just so frustrating. What he is trying to prove here, I have no idea.
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