Okeydokey Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 For the last four months I've been hanging out with this guy (we're in our early 30s, both single). He calls every week sometimes 2-3 times. We often talk for over an hour. We usually hang out once a week and talk chat for several hours. This is definitely WAY MORE attention than most people give a friend. He has not made a move. Why? This is torture. On more than one occasion, he has said that he feels strongly that the man MUST make the first move (from our conversations about dating I can tell that for him this means making a love declaration or even just asking the question "what is going on here?" is off limits - manjob. He's a talker so he would never make the first physical move.). I feel like my hands are tied. Thanks for any insight on this guys. I posted about this person a few months back when this cycle was just starting and people said he's not interested. But this constant level of attention has been going on for four months now, with no end in sight and wanted to see if the guys have any ideas of what is going on and whether there is anything I can do to get the ball rolling given his clear statements that that is HIS job.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 For the last four months I've been hanging out with this guy (we're in our early 30s, both single). He calls every week sometimes 2-3 times. We often talk for over an hour. We usually hang out once a week and talk chat for several hours. This is definitely WAY MORE attention than most people give a friend. He has not made a move. Why? This is torture. On more than one occasion, he has said that he feels strongly that the man MUST make the first move (from our conversations about dating I can tell that for him this means making a love declaration or even just asking the question "what is going on here?" is off limits - manjob. He's a talker so he would never make the first physical move.). I feel like my hands are tied. Thanks for any insight on this guys. I posted about this person a few months back when this cycle was just starting and people said he's not interested. But this constant level of attention has been going on for four months now, with no end in sight and wanted to see if the guys have any ideas of what is going on and whether there is anything I can do to get the ball rolling given his clear statements that that is HIS job. Do you sense any sexual tension / chemistry between you? What do you WANT with this guy? And what do you really have to lose by being up front with asking him what's going on? I do hate to say this, but if he really believes that it's HIS manly job to make the first move, and he has not made a move ... perhaps he doesn't feel that way.
Author Okeydokey Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 Do you sense any sexual tension / chemistry between you? What do you WANT with this guy? And what do you really have to lose by being up front with asking him what's going on? I do hate to say this, but if he really believes that it's HIS manly job to make the first move, and he has not made a move ... perhaps he doesn't feel that way. Both of us are kind of shy people in this department so it's not as if chemistry is flying off the walls, you know what I mean. But, it's obvious that we really enjoying talking to each other and that we want to spend time together. In terms of want I'd kind of like to break this barrier that seems to be looming out there and see how it develops. When you say "perhaps he doesn't feel that way" do you mean maybe he just says that the guys should make the first move, but really would prefer that I do it? I realize this thread is kind of a repetition of stuff you guys see on here all the time... so feel free not to get caught up in it. Thanks for the input so far!
mrkleen Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 He is keeping you on the side until he either finds someone he likes more....or cant, and then can make his move. Either that or he is painfully, socially inept and is never going to make a proper move. In either case, you probably should move on...as he is clearly just not going to step up to the plate.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 When you say "perhaps he doesn't feel that way" do you mean maybe he just says that the guys should make the first move, but really would prefer that I do it? I actually meant that perhaps he does not feel like "making a move" on you. Maybe he wants to be "just friends." If you really want something to happen, you might as well broach the subject, as nothing has happened with the ball in his court. You might be risking rejection, though.
Confusedguy81 Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I think he is just shy and afraid of rejection. If you want a relationship with him, be forward and ask him what is up.
Author Okeydokey Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 Thanks everyone this is good food for thought... and I suppose that it could also be a combination of these things. He's told me various rejection stories and that "he has no life." So, I'm thinking these might be factors too. In other departments (professionally) he gives the impression of being confident.
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