marsle85 Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Id guess 22 maybe. Girls can be pretty shallow around that age Girls are equally/less shallow than guys at 22...believe me.
lino Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 What a surprise... What age do women stop caring about what other people think of their man? 30? I don't know but I'm 28 and the women in my age range (24 - 32) still very much care about what other women think of their man, maybe even more than they did when they were younger. The insecurity excuse is just that, an excuse!
Confusedguy81 Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Girls are equally/less shallow than guys at 22...believe me. Id go more on the equal side
Bejita463 Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Id go more on the equal side I'm going on the "It's not a competition, who cares?" side.
Mr White Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Go easy on her. It's obviously insecurity at work. She admits she's insecure. She is concerned that if her boyfriend has the reputation as a reject, it will reflect poorly on her. That's because she is young and still validates herself based on male attention and the perceived desirability of the males she is able to attract. Most of us do at that age. I was thinking more like late 20s... I agree, "tough love" is not necessarily the best solution for all types of concerns, but neither is a validation of apparently irrational and dysfunctional feelings. Happily, this thread doesn't seem to be swinging too far in either direction.
Author Amie27 Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 Thanks everyone for your input. I value what everyone has said and I think you're all right (so far I haven't seen any votes for "break up with him"). To clarify further, I'm not wondering "what's wrong with him" because other girls rejected him. I've pondered those girls (and followed them on Facebook a time or two ) and I truly don't need their validation. Furthermore, girls tend to like pretty-boy jerks and I can't stand that type of guy. I go for "nice guys" who are kind to me and others, and I realize that a lot of girls aren't excited by that, or don't see it as that enticing. I think that's silly and I realize, and have experienced/seen that most girls go for jerks. So no, I don't put much stock into other girls' preferences about who to date. Like Ilovehim said, it's just the security issue of, is he in love with being in love, or is he in love with me? Did he choose me, or is he with me because his first several options said no? Does he have something in his heart still for those girls, since a lot of time it's harder to see the flaws of people we're pursuing and not the other way around? It's easier to see someone's "bad side" when they're throwing themselves at you. So, I worry he has a rosy image of some, all, or one of these girls because he's a romantic. I worry that he reminisces. And I worry that his friends and family (and, perhaps, these past girls) will feel sorry for me and wonder if I "know" how many girls he asked out or fruitlessly pursued before me. I wonder if those people think "I wonder if she knows he was like this with, _____," or "how bad he wanted to be with ______." I hope this makes more sense. I'm really grateful for everyone's insight (even the harsh stuff) and I KNOW I'm immature/undeserving, but thanks for re-affirming that for me anyway. I'm working on my "issues," but in the meantime, it's nice to be reminded that someone having been rejected is normal, and doesn't mean he loves me less or is just with me because I said yes. I honestly thought I might come on here and everyone's reply would be "yeah, that's a huge deal and impossible to get past, so definitely break up with him." That's how skewed my reality can get sometimes when all I do is think about things without getting feedback from anyone.
sumdude Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Only time will tell. It's a new relationship for both of you. Pay attention to his actions, if he loves you he'll show you consistently over time. Everyone has a past. Everyone will sometimes think about someone from their past. All relationships are a risk at some level. I hope it works out for you. Sounds like you're willing to learn and grow and that is a huge asset.
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