whichwaytogo Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 okay, long story short..involved in a long term relationship. a few things that annoy me. tell my if i am being a nag or might be too hormonal at this time of the month! lol.. 1. when i text him he doesnt always reply. he will say later that he got the text but didnt reply anyway. i feel this is so rude. it would be like him asking me a question to my face and me ignoring him. today, i texted him and asked him if he wanted to go to lunch (some friends are in town). he didnt respond. now, they couldnt make it due to time constraints but i waited and waited for him to reply yes or no. i am at work, so i waited for him to respond (even if it were "no" that would have been okay). nothing. well, 2 hrs later i text again and say "i am going to assume that since you ignored my text the answer for lunch is no". he tried to then call me but i didnt answer as i did not wanna argue about it. i was just pissed. 2. our sex drives are completely different. trying to deal with this. i want sex at least 1 x per week (at least). he doesnt. but what pisses me off is the last few nights he started to kiss my neck, etc. but then didnt want to go further. so, i am dying for sex, he turns me on and NOTHING. 3. he will, once in awhile, drink and drive (not with me-by himself on his way home from work). this is freaking stupid on his part. especially if you are in a committed relationship with kids involved, you should be more responsible. what if something happened to him? does he not see the affect that would have on people who love him? WTF? now, if you were in a committed long term relationship, would you feel okay to bring these things up? or if i do am i being a nag? i dont wanna be the type of woman that bitches and complains about everything. do i blow this stuff off or tell him i am pissed off? i have never been good at telling people if there are certain things i am not happy with-i am trying to change that so i can be in a relationship that i want.
boogieboy Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 i have never been good at telling people if there are certain things i am not happy with-i am trying to change that so i can be in a relationship that i want. How bad are you with this? try to Understand how your bf must feel. try to understand what HE wants. Ask him if he doesnt like texting, or if he wants you to leave him alone during the day. If he doesnt reply to your texts right away, its because he hears from you more than he wants to. He doesnt reply because he doesnt want to keep a text dialogue going. he probably doesnt like texting. I know I dont. Call him instead. My gf is dying to hear from me multiple times during work hours, I only need to her from her once, which is before bed. I dont miss her-but Im not that into her anyway. If your bf is on any medication, that could affect his sex drive. But I find it odd that he doesnt want sex from you at least once per week. If he's not attracted to you anymore, you better find out why now. if he drinks and drives, risking his life, he must already know this. if he is drinking because he's upset, you might want to find out why. If hes stressed, not having sex with you, and ignoring your texts, I hope it isnt a reaction to things that youre doing. If he feels trapped in a situation (with kids) that he no longer wants to be in.......... You can bring these things up, but only one at a time, and try not to take an accusing tone with him. Are you generally concerned, or are you just trying to get your needs met and not worried about what he needs?
DustySaltus Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 okay, long story short..involved in a long term relationship. a few things that annoy me. tell my if i am being a nag or might be too hormonal at this time of the month! lol.. 1. when i text him he doesnt always reply. he will say later that he got the text but didnt reply anyway. i feel this is so rude. it would be like him asking me a question to my face and me ignoring him. today, i texted him and asked him if he wanted to go to lunch (some friends are in town). he didnt respond. now, they couldnt make it due to time constraints but i waited and waited for him to reply yes or no. i am at work, so i waited for him to respond (even if it were "no" that would have been okay). nothing. well, 2 hrs later i text again and say "i am going to assume that since you ignored my text the answer for lunch is no". he tried to then call me but i didnt answer as i did not wanna argue about it. i was just pissed. 2. our sex drives are completely different. trying to deal with this. i want sex at least 1 x per week (at least). he doesnt. but what pisses me off is the last few nights he started to kiss my neck, etc. but then didnt want to go further. so, i am dying for sex, he turns me on and NOTHING. 3. he will, once in awhile, drink and drive (not with me-by himself on his way home from work). this is freaking stupid on his part. especially if you are in a committed relationship with kids involved, you should be more responsible. what if something happened to him? does he not see the affect that would have on people who love him? WTF? now, if you were in a committed long term relationship, would you feel okay to bring these things up? or if i do am i being a nag? i dont wanna be the type of woman that bitches and complains about everything. do i blow this stuff off or tell him i am pissed off? i have never been good at telling people if there are certain things i am not happy with-i am trying to change that so i can be in a relationship that i want. Yes, I would bring these things up. The day you want to stop working on things with your partner is the day you shouldn't be with them anymore. By not talking about things as they come the pressure continues to build until their is some kind of blow up. As far as your issues #2 & #3 I can understand where you are coming from. I think with #1 you need to relax a little bit and if you need him for something CALL him but you need to let him breathe a little. I know that when my gf texts me nonstop after a while I just stop answering. Part of being in a healthy relationship is letting the other person live their own life and trusting them enough to be ok with it.
sagetalk Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Are these things truly what you want or is it that you are just playing the devil's advocate. If he started to change would you change your wants again? I've seen alot of women say they want one thing, but when they get it, they change their mind. People can be fickle, even if it's something they know 100% they want at the time. If you want him to change his ways, you had better be 100% sure that's what you want. Because if he changes and then you want him to change again, he (and I would too) will get angry about it and start to resent you. Communicate with him, but make sure that your desires are sincere and that you are not just looking for a fight. The more you ask him to change, and then change back, the more it makes you look like a crazy person. Don't tell him it pisses you off, just tell him how you feel one thing at a time gradually.
New Again Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 1. when i text him he doesnt always reply. he will say later that he got the text but didnt reply anyway. i feel this is so rude. it would be like him asking me a question to my face and me ignoring him. today, i texted him and asked him if he wanted to go to lunch (some friends are in town). he didnt respond. now, they couldnt make it due to time constraints but i waited and waited for him to reply yes or no. i am at work, so i waited for him to respond (even if it were "no" that would have been okay). nothing. well, 2 hrs later i text again and say "i am going to assume that since you ignored my text the answer for lunch is no". he tried to then call me but i didnt answer as i did not wanna argue about it. i was just pissed. Maybe he doesn't have unlimited texting? 2. our sex drives are completely different. trying to deal with this. i want sex at least 1 x per week (at least). he doesnt. but what pisses me off is the last few nights he started to kiss my neck, etc. but then didnt want to go further. so, i am dying for sex, he turns me on and NOTHING. Boo 3. he will, once in awhile, drink and drive (not with me-by himself on his way home from work). this is freaking stupid on his part. especially if you are in a committed relationship with kids involved, you should be more responsible. what if something happened to him? does he not see the affect that would have on people who love him? WTF? He drinks at work? now, if you were in a committed long term relationship, would you feel okay to bring these things up? or if i do am i being a nag? Well you don't need to scream at him or blow up in his face.
Author whichwaytogo Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 thanks for the responses: the texting thing...i only text him maybe 4-5 times a week. he asks why i dont text him while he is working and i told him 'because you are at work-i assume you are busy'. he then said, 'no, you can text me at work, it's fine'. (i still dont). the sex thing....he says that he is not a very sexual person. that he never has been and it has nothing to do with me. i KNOW he is not cheating on me as i already thought about that. last time we discussed this, he said that even if i was paralyzed from the waist down, he would still want to be with me forever. it kind of made me feel bad because i dont think i could say the same. i think sex is very important. he is a bartender. he will have a few drinks after they close with the other employees.
bayouboi Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 i KNOW he is not cheating on me he is a bartender. he will have a few drinks after they close with the other employees. u sure about this?
New Again Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 thanks for the responses: the texting thing...i only text him maybe 4-5 times a week. he asks why i dont text him while he is working and i told him 'because you are at work-i assume you are busy'. he then said, 'no, you can text me at work, it's fine'. (i still dont). the sex thing....he says that he is not a very sexual person. that he never has been and it has nothing to do with me. i KNOW he is not cheating on me as i already thought about that. last time we discussed this, he said that even if i was paralyzed from the waist down, he would still want to be with me forever. it kind of made me feel bad because i dont think i could say the same. i think sex is very important. he is a bartender. he will have a few drinks after they close with the other employees. In that case, agree that you've just listed 3 dealbreakers... Although personally I would've dumped him just over the drinking and driving thing, nothing makes me angrier.
Author whichwaytogo Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 u sure about this? yes, im sure. the other guys there actually tease him because of it. i am friends with the owner/employees and am there sometimes after hours too.
TigerCub Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 It seems like he likes you chasing after him. You text him, he ignores you, you want sex, he doesn't give it to you.... The way I see it, the texting issue, isn't that huge, you should only text him once, if he doesn't reply, you should have gone to lunch with your friends without checkin with him a second time (I know that they couldn't because of time constraints), but if they could, next time, just invite him the one time, if he doesn't get back to you, screw it, just go about your plans and let that be that. The sex issue is HUGE, I am a firm believer that people need to have the same or close to the same sex drives, if one person wants it all the time and the other is a shade away from being asexual, then there's problems and frustration ahead. for sure!! The drinking and driving is stupid on his part - but we all already knew that. I think that one would be the first issue to CALMLY discuss. good luck
Author whichwaytogo Posted March 17, 2010 Author Posted March 17, 2010 well, what SUCKS about the sex thing is that we have discussed it so many freaking times at this point that now, when he wants to i cant enjoy it because i think he is just doing it to make me happy.
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