meowmeow Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Okay, so i'm in a relationship with this guy who used to be a real good friend of mine, and about a year ago we started dating each other romantically. Things have been going really great and ever since the beginning of our relationship his ex-girlfriend would call him sometimes, but recently, his ex-girlfriend has been SO crazy. She has been calling him non-stop and he never answers, she once called him 56 times in ONE day, 16 times one MORNING from 7-11:30, and every night i'm sleeping at his house, she'll call. This has been going on for about 3 months. About a month ago, she drove to his house, parked outside, called him repeatdly while she was there, leaving him voice messages begging him to come outside and talk to her, and when he did, she punched him in the face TWICE. She's sent him multiple txt messages threatening to send me a facebook message, but she never has. The last time he (or so he told me) has talked to her is when she called him from an unknown number, and he said he freaked out on her. I believe him, and I don't know if i should. It bothers me that he won't answer her calls and tell her to leave him alone. He's told me that he has before, and that he just don't think it'll help, that she'll just keep calling if he answers. But clearly him not answering isn't doing anything. Since we were friends first, i've heard all about their relationship. They were together for 2.5 years, and he really loved her. I have so much insecurity now in our relationship, because of her. It's really ruining my time I spend with him, and it's causing me a lot of emotional distress. What do you guys think I should do?
phineas Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Well, I started dateing someone once with an Ex-boyfriend stalker issue & told her to call me when she dealth with him permanently because I wanted no part of it. she did & we dated. I think it's really simple here. Tell him to deal with her permanently & legally if need be & call you. Though, if your gut tells you something is up it's possible he's banging her when you are not around.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 If he won't tell her to go away, then he doesn't want her to go away.
sally4sara Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Well, I started dateing someone once with an Ex-boyfriend stalker issue & told her to call me when she dealth with him permanently because I wanted no part of it. she did & we dated. I think it's really simple here. Tell him to deal with her permanently & legally if need be & call you. Though, if your gut tells you something is up it's possible he's banging her when you are not around. This would shed some light on the face punching and sudden revival of her presence in his life....... I agree, tell him if he is so fired up about a relationship with you, he needs to clear his plate of this mess before you end up with her vandalizing your car or some such similar action. If he is a big boy now, time to handle things in a proactive manner as adults tend to do.
ADF Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 First things first. This woman is clearly unstable and might even be dangerous. Heck, she IS dangerous. She proved that when she hit your BF in the face. Your BF has a police problem. He needs to get a restraining order on this nutcase right away. As for the rest, it sounds your BF may have done something with this woman she is threatening to reveal to you. But if so, I have to wonder why she hasn't. I mean, she doesn't sound all that inhibited to me. Take care of the legal problem first, then deal with the second thing.
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I think you should call Jerry Springer. That way your b/f can get paid for being beaten.
LovelyDaze Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 If he won't tell her to go away, then he doesn't want her to go away. Exactly. I don't understand this. Tell him that he needs to answer the next call & threaten to put a Victim's Protection order on her through the police if she doesn't stop calling. If that's too expensive to do right now...tell him he needs to change cell numbers. That is not hard and of little to no cost to do. Like txsilky states: Sounds like he enjoys the soap opera drama of it or he would find ways to end it immediately.
Neyla89 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Exactly. I don't understand this. Tell him that he needs to answer the next call & threaten to put a Victim's Protection order on her through the police if she doesn't stop calling. If that's too expensive to do right now...tell him he needs to change cell numbers. That is not hard and of little to no cost to do. Like txsilky states: Sounds like he enjoys the soap opera drama of it or he would find ways to end it immediately. I can relate, Im living the same scenario (but a slightly milder case). Shes just makes threats about me to him, and calls him non stop. I was going to post about it but, seems like I already got the answer in meowmeows thread. 'txsilky' is right...if he wont tell her to go away, he doesn't want her to... Should these guys be given an ultimatum? Or is that too harsh. Should I be doubting his actions? In my situation he must be giving her something back, considering she is still calling after 3 months.(Im pretty much answering my own questions...haha I think I just need the reassurance) I know his ex is an invidious character, I don't want this to get worse. I've brought the situation up with him, but I didn't want to seem like I cared too much, so I hardly commented. But maybe I should have been more clear of what my thoughts are on it? Meowmeow- hope it works out for the best
CLC2008 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Okay, so i'm in a relationship with this guy who used to be a real good friend of mine, and about a year ago we started dating each other romantically. Things have been going really great and ever since the beginning of our relationship his ex-girlfriend would call him sometimes, but recently, his ex-girlfriend has been SO crazy. She has been calling him non-stop and he never answers, she once called him 56 times in ONE day, 16 times one MORNING from 7-11:30, and every night i'm sleeping at his house, she'll call. This has been going on for about 3 months. About a month ago, she drove to his house, parked outside, called him repeatdly while she was there, leaving him voice messages begging him to come outside and talk to her, and when he did, she punched him in the face TWICE. What you've described is harassment, not some distraught ex-girlfriend. Thankfully neither of my ex-boyfriends ever came remotely close to the type of behavior you've described, but I would hope that my bf would step in if they had. Though I have had to tell a friend or two not to contact me again for very offensive behavior (to put it nicely...) and I left a few spots so that there couldn't be any further contact. You're the female in this, and given his ex's behavior, this is really something your BF needs to address.
Ichi-boned Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 If he won't tell her to go away, then he doesn't want her to go away. Evidence??
Lolalola Posted March 22, 2010 Posted March 22, 2010 I totally understand the crazy ex girlfriend deal. My current boyfriend was a friend of mine for 3 years and I knew him when he dated his INSANE ex. She stuck around after they broke up even after he expressed he wanted her to go away. After him and I started dating she came by so he could tell her we were dating. He didn't because he was afraid she would freak out. She made me and him feel uncomfortable and tried to make me feel like a third wheel. I begged him to tell her since I had just told my ex. (Our ex's are both nuts, so I felt it was equal.) He didn't tell her and well...... SHE BROKE INTO HIS HOUSE!!!!! She woke me up screaming and flipping out. We decided not to involve the police. She left him alone for awhile but then proceeded to text him at 4 a.m. over and over. I kept telling him not to respond to the texts. He was just reinforcing her behavior. One night she texted him, threatened me, said she was going to kill herself, and wished we would both die. She apologized the next day (of course, the manipulative C&*%.) I don't know what to do. It really bothers me and he keeps telling me he has told her to go away, but isn't really doing anything else. I am so distressed about this, I feel hopeless and severely depressed.
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