OWoman Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 While this thread is directed to APs, BSs are free to post their insights on this, even if the question might not directly apply to them. It was sparked by something I read on another thread... Do you go for a certain "type" of man / woman? Did your AP fit that "type", or were they very different - an attempt to break the pattern, perhaps? If your A is in the past - have you gone back to your "type" in any subsequent Rs?
2sure Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 If your A is in the past - have you gone back to your "type" in any subsequent Rs? Ha!!! Guess I did!
carhill Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Yes, without even consciously realizing it, I married my AP. Emotionally unavailable. It was only after seeking her out again (switching from OM to MM) and receiving MC that I saw the unhealthy dynamic clearly. I've met a few women since and, when I get a whiff of that distance, I'm speed-o-light gone. That needy desire for attention (one-way attention) has become repulsive, whereas before it seemed attractive, a hole I could fill (no pun intended). Since I'm a 'helper', those 'types' never fail to catch my attention, but I'm smarter in how I deal with that 'attraction' now. Clarity
Hazyhead Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I have a type and my AP fit it in every way. Oh! Except for being single... hmmm. He actually fit my type more than any partner I've had. Damnit!
Author OWoman Posted March 16, 2010 Author Posted March 16, 2010 I'm not sure I have a "type", though I guess most of my APs have had factors in common ("six-figure IQs and three-figure salaries", my father always used to say... ) but that might simply be because of the kind of work I do, the kind of people I hang out with and the kind of places I go.
sally4sara Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I seem to predominantly dig guys with dark hair but that's a pretty broad "type" to choose from.
NoIDidn't Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I'm not sure I have a "type", though I guess most of my APs have had factors in common ("six-figure IQs and three-figure salaries", my father always used to say... ) but that might simply be because of the kind of work I do, the kind of people I hang out with and the kind of places I go. Wow, initially, I didn't see who posted this and just assumed it was OldEurope. Such similar sentiments. Anyway, on topic. My "type" isn't likely to be in a healthy relationship of any kind. At least not until they grow up some and take responsibility for themselves and their actions. My type displays a bit too much arrogance, most of the time well-earned though. Leadership and confidence are a big draw for me. I like musicians and athletes. I prefer to merge the two. My H is both, but still employable beyond the pipe dreams of making it "in the big leagues".
BB07 Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Do you go for a certain "type" of man / woman? Did your AP fit that "type", or were they very different - an attempt to break the pattern, perhaps? If your A is in the past - have you gone back to your "type" in any subsequent Rs? Interesting question! My 1st ex was a biker type....this was a long time ago and I was very young. He was also a first class asshat, jealous, paranoid and possessive! He was 9 years older than me. My 2nd ex looked nothing like him, more clean cut, nice looking & nice guy but emotially unavailable with a capital U. He was very quite and didn't care for crowds or to be outside his element made him very uncomfortable. Close to my age. My former AP and current man, clean cut, handsome (I think so) very nice guy, more in tune with himself and what he wants, confident in his abilities when it comes to his work and knowledge about it, but not as confident with himself in our relationship yet. Anyone that knows him in a work setting thinks very highly of him, he is seen as an all around nice guy. Same age as me. The guy in between the affair and the present, nothing like anyone else I've ever, ever dated. Loud, obnoxious at times, boisterous, very physically affectionate to the point of it being a big PIA. This guy ended up being the biggest thorn in my side of anyone I've ever dated or had a relationship with. He was emotionally abusive and I came very close to having to get a restraining order to get him to leave me ALONE. It was truly awful and sometimes I still think wth was I thinking. He was 16 years older than me and wasn't anything like he first appeared to be. I was vulnerable and weak, from the affair and not my usual tough self, he knew how to work all that to his advantage.
Heather1 Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I shoot for the moon!! Always have. My first boyfriend was a pro athlete & I think I like competitive & driven.
ladydesigner Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 My type are always the dark illusive ones. Very much like Johnny Depp. My XAP was probably the least bit like my "type" He was not tall or physically fit. He was dark and illusive though. We shared the same dark sense of humor. None have been financially well off unfortunately.
Fallen Angel Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Physically, my type is tall, dark and handsome. Dark hair, big brown eyes. My exH fit that pattern, My Sweetheart is dark and handsome with dark hair, and the most scrumptious big brown eyes, but is not tall. He is average height though, and it is amazing how much better I fit physically in his arms than the "more my type" guys before him. My type is very masculine. I find I am more attracted to men in roles I define as traditionally male. (ie. Military, police, firemen, construction trades..) exH and My Sweetheart are former and retired Marines respectively and moved on to civillian jobs like I describe. My type is very intelligent. ExH was an assclown, but he was very smart. My Sweetheart is more intelligent than my ex. I would never choose to play on the opposite team at Trivial Pursuit against either of them. My type tends to run about 7-8 years older than myself. Both My Sweetheart and exH fit into that range. I have been attracted, over the years, to men who do not fall into the category of "my type", but find myself more attracted to men who fit into this type than those who do not. I think the huge difference comes in in how they treat me. My type would treat me like a princess, but until My Sweetheart came into my life, I guess I never really was with "my type" before. So, I do have a type... one type. HIM!
OpenBook Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Yes, I have a "type", and yes I keep falling for the same "type" - dark hair/eyes, below-avg height (around 5' 8"), extremely intelligent, moody, quiet/understated behavior, dry but well-developed sense of humor, nice @ss, nice masculine back-of-the-neck (my favorite part of the male body!! - well, maybe a close-second favorite :D). Doesn't matter if they're married or single - whenever I encounter this "type" it makes my knees weak. Fortunately (at least that's the way I'm looking at it - a true blessing!!) I have not recently encountered this "type." They always spell trouble for me. The memories are still fresh enough from the last one of these I fell in love with, to keep me from noticing the next disaster that might be looming on my horizon. And for that I am very grateful.
crazycatlady Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 I have really cared deeply about two men, and while their looks weren't identical, they were both fairly short, with short brown hair, beautiful eyes and smiles that just melt your heart. Other then those two everyone else has been all over the place. I love easily but shallowly with the exception of those two. H and my first kiss. My first kiss would be the one man I would be very conflicted about if he were to show up and be interested in me. And the one person my H would have to worry about. H has a definate type. And I have rarely seen him deviate from it.
NoIDidn't Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 H has a definate type. And I have rarely seen him deviate from it. Interesting you posted that line. My H has a definite 'type' as well. And he deviated from it big time when he dated me. He took a huge risk in his mind when he met me. While attracted to my appearance and physique, my familial background scared him. But, because of me, it actually started to change his 'type'. He is a lot more willing to give a woman a chance regardless of her familial background, so long as she shows that she is not defined by it.
crazycatlady Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Interesting you posted that line. My H has a definite 'type' as well. And he deviated from it big time when he dated me. He took a huge risk in his mind when he met me. While attracted to my appearance and physique, my familial background scared him. But, because of me, it actually started to change his 'type'. He is a lot more willing to give a woman a chance regardless of her familial background, so long as she shows that she is not defined by it. I'm never thought beyond physical looks for a type. Now I think I might need to do so. CCL
White Flower Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Do you go for a certain "type" of man / woman? Did your AP fit that "type", or were they very different - an attempt to break the pattern, perhaps? If your A is in the past - have you gone back to your "type" in any subsequent Rs? I used to dream of Michael Landon as my perfect type when I was a little girl. I was going to marry Charles Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie. We were going to live on a farm and live off the fat of the land. Then I got all cultural and decided to marry anyone who wasn't American. I would spend the next 25 years steaming rice and tea and speaking Farsi. But before that, when I was in high school I used to claim all the time that I liked shorter guys. I hated how my neck felt after kissing a tall guy. Stupid girl! I probably just slept wrong the night before. I also thought I liked shy guys because confident ones tended to make fools out of themselves all the time. I guess that meant I had a lack of confidence myself? And pretty boys? Jeez, I wouldn't be caught dead with a man who was prettier than I was. My exH was short, quiet, and bald and all that was fine with me. Had he been emotionally supportive I would have never missed the intimacy I now know I can have and probably would have stayed with him forever. We didn't cuddle or hold hands much. PDA was not his thing. And I didn't even know it was mine. But we grow, change, and demand more for ourselves. And sometimes it comes to us. MM is tall, handsome, dashing, and quite confident. Sometimes I think he is even prettier than me. He is larger in physique and something I can really grab on to! His skin is warmer and sometimes his face is even hot to the touch. Wow, we have chemistry! And I can't stop touching and carressing him! Nor he me which he says he has never wanted to do before with anyone else. Ya know, being an American, handsome, smart, resourceful, funny, (and sometimes a show-off:p), I guess you could say I got my Charles Ingalls in MM. I remember looking at him in the beginning just wondering what it might be like to touch him, like his cheek or his fore arm. I had NEVER thought these thoughts about any other man before. I wonder if somewhere inside of me I sensed there would be chemistry between us. It was something I was longing to do for a year and a half before I finally let him kiss me. I was never more blown away in my life than by that kiss. And that kiss told me there would be many, many more wonderful discoveries if I stayed around. I didn't go looking for an A, it found me, but it brought me someone completely different than what my former 'ideal' man was. During break ups with MM I admit to only looking at men like him. I could never go back to a short and quiet man. They must be tall, gorgeous, confident, and humorous. Otherwise it is a waste of my time. Life is too short! Hopefully I don't ever have to look again. I've got the whole package right now!
White Flower Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 Ha!!! Guess I did! 2sure, I love that you can laugh at your situation. Humor sure can save us! (((2sure)))
pureinheart Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 While this thread is directed to APs, BSs are free to post their insights on this, even if the question might not directly apply to them. It was sparked by something I read on another thread... Do you go for a certain "type" of man / woman? Did your AP fit that "type", or were they very different - an attempt to break the pattern, perhaps? My type has changed with every season...lol...although for the mostpart, the men I sought after, or caught my attention were usually successful, people persons, good sense of humor and always younger than me. ExDM was different as he was socially unacceptable, I'm not being mean he is just a total rebel, very intelligent, great sense of humor and older than me. yes he and I both broke the mold...lol....FTR, he is the only one I considered M with first If your A is in the past - have you gone back to your "type" in any subsequent Rs? I am a terrible candidate for a R now, as my house is not in order and it must be re-organized and cleaned up first before I could even think of a R..lol
skylarblue Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Before my AP, my type (physically/m) had always been tall, brown or gray(ing) hair, green or hazel eyes, medium build, clean-shaven, professional looking guys at least 25+ my senior. I’d only dated two guys outside my type – a blonde and a brunette that looked like old rock-n-roll band members. MM is very blonde (said I’d never date a blonde again after rocker), blue eyes (not my preference), mustache (I’d always thought facial hair was yucky), like 6’5”-6” and quite muscular (again, not necessarily my preference). He’s what I call a “manly” (not machismo) guy – military, law enforcement, SWAT, guns (legally), sports, etc. I often look at him as my protector or hero. I don’t think I really have a physical type anymore other than white and much, much older than me. I find myself attracted to George W. Bush, Hulk Hogan, Dr. Phil, the guy that plays the dad on “The Middle” (played on “Scrubs” too I think). All my friends think my taste is so weird.
JustJoe Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 I can honestly say that I have never been with an unattractive woman, but I have been with ignorant ones. So, I guess that my "type", would be "intelligent." Nothing else matters so much to me. Age, race, body-type , hair, or other qualifications are far less important. My "type", is intelligent, first, honest, second, and attractive , third. My AP had two of those qualifications, but failed badly on the integrity part, but I did too, so I stayed with her too long. My college GF was everything I ever wanted in a woman (I know it now) but I let stupid **** (politics,lifestyle, career)get in the way. I've evolved and matured (8 years of war will do that to you) and I now know that politics , careers, and lifestyles can change. I would love another chance with her, and we are working on it.:D:D:D
White Flower Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Before my AP, my type (physically/m) had always been tall, brown or gray(ing) hair, green or hazel eyes, medium build, clean-shaven, professional looking guys at least 25+ my senior. I’d only dated two guys outside my type – a blonde and a brunette that looked like old rock-n-roll band members. MM is very blonde (said I’d never date a blonde again after rocker), blue eyes (not my preference), mustache (I’d always thought facial hair was yucky), like 6’5”-6” and quite muscular (again, not necessarily my preference). He’s what I call a “manly” (not machismo) guy – military, law enforcement, SWAT, guns (legally), sports, etc. I often look at him as my protector or hero. I don’t think I really have a physical type anymore other than white and much, much older than me. I find myself attracted to George W. Bush, Hulk Hogan, Dr. Phil, the guy that plays the dad on “The Middle” (played on “Scrubs” too I think). All my friends think my taste is so weird. Your post interests me because you do have a definite type of preference. How did you know you would be attracted to an older type of guy? Were you attracted first, then went after him or did he find you and show you that you could be attracted to that type? I ask because I never once looked at a man with gray hair until one pursued me. He sure showed me what my preference was!
her_halo_slipped Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 While this thread is directed to APs, BSs are free to post their insights on this, even if the question might not directly apply to them. It was sparked by something I read on another thread... Do you go for a certain "type" of man / woman? Did your AP fit that "type", or were they very different - an attempt to break the pattern, perhaps? If your A is in the past - have you gone back to your "type" in any subsequent Rs? I like my men SMART. I guess thats' my number one requisite. Witty is always a bonus. I love blue eyes. A little older than me. I guess I vary a little in my choices but usually most of the criteria are met. I guess I do revert to my type.one thing is for sure I couldn't go too far out of my comfort zone.
Author OWoman Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 I used to dream of Michael Landon as my perfect type when I was a little girl. :eek: Lilttle Joe from Bonanza???? :eek: What kind of emotional scarring did that leave?
Awakening Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 If you were to line up 10 different men I'd pick the ***hole. So this is apparently my type. I'm seriously single now and trying to figure out exactly what character defect of mine causes me to choose this type.
Fallen Angel Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 If you were to line up 10 different men I'd pick the ***hole. So this is apparently my type. I'm seriously single now and trying to figure out exactly what character defect of mine causes me to choose this type. Choosing the wrong man is not a character defect. It is being hopeful! It is weeding out the rotten apples til you find the right one. It is character building, and a learning process that fine tunes your choices so that you learn along the way exactly what it is that you are and are not looking for. If you give up, and lose hope that the perfect partner is out there for you, THAT in my mind would be a character defect.
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