unsaved Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 The worst part for me is reliving the broken promises of a future in my head over and over. The "what was supposed to be." I keep thinking about all the things we should be doing right now, planned on doing in the near future, and in the distant future and beyond. The worst is thinking about how those things are not going to happen anymore and now my future is really up in the air. I fear the unknown.
yan1f Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Just curious what aspect of the breakup hurt you the most? Is it the actual loss of that particular person, is it fear of loneliness, is it the big change in your daily routine, is it the blow to your ego, is it financial, spiritual, is it the embarrassment, is it the betrayal, is it the loss of intimacy and moral and emotional support, worry about your children and how they will handle it? What would you say it was for you? I think because I was already aware that the relationship was absolute crap the blow to my self esteem was the hardest part for me and the longest process of healing. Second hardest was the change of daily routine. I haven’t had a really good home brewed cup off coffee in a year and a half. I would say loss of intimacy and emotional support, I miss the cuddling and spooning....and knowing that someone cares for you...this makes me sad thinking about it and now my ego hurts, since this is the second time i have been dumped it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me...wish i can find someone who loves me for real and wouldn't let me go!
counterman Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 I think feeling unloved was the worst part for me. I told her during the break-up that "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me". Her reply was "I want to be with you... I just can't", which just made it even worst. I just knew she didn't feel the same way and I felt vulnerable, lonely and extremely hurt.
kbh Posted March 18, 2010 Posted March 18, 2010 Like some people mentioned, for me it's being rejected. It's even worse for me when they get a new gf right away. That's my biggest fear anyways because it makes me feel like I wasn't good enough, but someone else was. Them sharing their life like they did with me... Being intimate and having closeness that we once shared is what kills me and is the biggest blow to my ego.
HLP234 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 I would have to say first the initial shock, because my ex left me when everything seemed fine. Next, and the absolute worst is the getting over it phase. No matter how long its been, what I try to do, it bothers me all the time, anytime. I have supportive friends too and they took me out to get wasted and hit on other girls, but still doesn't make it easier. The last part, also goes in with the second, the daily routine, the drive to and from places you too used to go, even a familiar area where you were when you were together, brings back depressing memories.
Sassygirl2 Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Sleeping alone is the worst part. It just magnifies the fact that he's not there anymore. I can get through my day OK by keeping myself busy with work, friends and family but at the end of the day I go to bed alone.
djentleman Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 In my case, the worst part is knowing I let myself become my own, worst enemy. I had someone who was completely devoted, fought and fought hard for me (though I was never REALLY going anywhere) when I felt I needed a moment of exile from simple stressors, out of which I used (bad choice!) those to build MOUNTAINS; ultimately, the only woman who loved me for me, had the perfect chemistry, ability to grow to love all things me and all things I enjoyed... and I made her victim to and she watched me spiral out of control into my own misery. Knowing she loves me, is in love with me, but the butterflies of excitement turned into the 'walking on egg shells' butterflies and can't subject herself to one more moment of me 'slipping up' into my old (as she calls it, "now normal") ways; she can forgive yet not forget... that's what hurts the most—the doubt and/or scrutiny from the person you've suddenly discovered (unfortunately now) means the most to you! Instantly, because thinking negatively was my biggest issue, I try to think of the good though, and that is: We both win—she wins and I win. She has the strength of the lady she wants to become to stand up for herself, her values, and make decisions based on what she feels is right. And, me... I am changing; Negativity is no longer a solution or of any option to me. Take the good with the bad (the hurt)!
Author Ilovecake Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 In my case, the worst part is knowing I let myself become my own, worst enemy. I had someone who was completely devoted, fought and fought hard for me (though I was never REALLY going anywhere) when I felt I needed a moment of exile from simple stressors, out of which I used (bad choice!) those to build MOUNTAINS; ultimately, the only woman who loved me for me, had the perfect chemistry, ability to grow to love all things me and all things I enjoyed... and I made her victim to and she watched me spiral out of control into my own misery. Knowing she loves me, is in love with me, but the butterflies of excitement turned into the 'walking on egg shells' butterflies and can't subject herself to one more moment of me 'slipping up' into my old (as she calls it, "now normal") ways; she can forgive yet not forget... that's what hurts the most—the doubt and/or scrutiny from the person you've suddenly discovered (unfortunately now) means the most to you! Instantly, because thinking negatively was my biggest issue, I try to think of the good though, and that is: We both win—she wins and I win. She has the strength of the lady she wants to become to stand up for herself, her values, and make decisions based on what she feels is right. And, me... I am changing; Negativity is no longer a solution or of any option to me. Take the good with the bad (the hurt)! Not to dismiss your pain but wow, I think 90% of the women here wish their exs felt that way.
djentleman Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 I'm no different than any other "*******." I dealt a rough hand, pained her very badly to where my "moment of clarity" ended with her transcending her pain I'd caused little-by-little, to me all at once, and leaving me in my own Twilight Zone of "What ifs?" I've spent my entire life blaming and resenting others for my choices, mainly due to how it may affect them or my relationship with them. That's no way to live, no way to sustain personal happiness, and certainly nothing short of a terrible way to TRY making others happy. Admitting the faults and where you're wrong is the biggest hurdle; feels good, though it's not to be fully confused with "blaming myself." No less, thanks!
Author Ilovecake Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 What you posted just shows that you have really thought about how your ex feels and how your actions have affected her. That does not mean you are blaming yourself, it just means you're thoughtful and not selfish. Us girls like that.
counterman Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 One of the worst parts of being dumped was the way I reacted! It was definitely the lowest point of the relationship. All the suffering and frustration just culminated into one messy break-up and I didn't react too well to the words.
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