smrlvin Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 My husband and I of now 2 years and 3 months were having issues at our 2 year mark...we finally figured out our issues and are working on them and things have been soooo much better. since i have quit nagging things are getting done around the house, no fights, it's so nice. hubby has not been using any cruel words. we're doing great. we have a friend that visits quite often. it is my hub's old roommate from about 5 years ago. he is very nice, doesn't make a mess, helps out with things that we may be working on at night (yard work, garage stuff, etc) so i have no real reason to complain. BUT is this okay for our relationship? i spend about 2 hrs with hubby when i get home, teh friend gets off work and comes over until bedtime. so he's at our house about 4 hours TOPS. it gives me time to be with hubby, then time for myself after a busy day and then time for all of us together if i choose...some times i would rather lock myself in the bedroom and have me time watching MY shows. this doesn't sound normal...do i need to worry about what is normal? or worry about what works since this arrangement is just fine? but some of my other friends think it's not fine...are they jealous? is it really not okay? any thoughts??
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 I firmly you do not need to worry about what is normal at all! As long as you are not feeling neglected and/or left out, and/or second to your husband's old roomate, there is no issue there at all. If there comes a time when you feel you need to reduce the time he spends over would your husband compromise with you? I am guessing he would. Managing the relationship between you and your husband is up to you and him. It's fine to ask other's for input, but they should not make you feel 'abnormal' when you and your husband are totally fine with the (3 of yours) relationship...
Jeff1962 Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 The friend is probably lonely and does not realize that he at times is interferring with a married relationship. Sounds like he is there every nite.
quankanne Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 time to establish boundaries, which might be trickier to do because you actually like this friend. However, you and hubby need to talk it over and come up with a unified approach to discussing this with your friend. damn ... it's so much easier when it happens to be your husband's jerkish buddy, then you're not feeling guilty about running his butt off.
Crazy Magnet Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Can you clarify if this guy comes over every night? 3 nights a week? etc? Also, how are things on the weekends?
sally4sara Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 We have one mutual friend who comes over a lot even without being invited. Most of the time its no biggie, but since he has no car, he has to rely on metro or bus to get around which means if he stay too late, he ends up on our couch. This can be a hassle if we've been revving up for some bedtime romping; total mood killer to know your dude is prolly out on your couch rubbing one out to your bed spring sonata. Now we just tell him he has to bounce by a certain time if he doesn't want to find himself walking home.
carhill Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Any thoughts? Yep, sounds like you should have a girlfriend over more often
crazycatlady Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 My husband and I of now 2 years and 3 months were having issues at our 2 year mark...we finally figured out our issues and are working on them and things have been soooo much better. since i have quit nagging things are getting done around the house, no fights, it's so nice. hubby has not been using any cruel words. we're doing great. we have a friend that visits quite often. it is my hub's old roommate from about 5 years ago. he is very nice, doesn't make a mess, helps out with things that we may be working on at night (yard work, garage stuff, etc) so i have no real reason to complain. BUT is this okay for our relationship? i spend about 2 hrs with hubby when i get home, teh friend gets off work and comes over until bedtime. so he's at our house about 4 hours TOPS. it gives me time to be with hubby, then time for myself after a busy day and then time for all of us together if i choose...some times i would rather lock myself in the bedroom and have me time watching MY shows. this doesn't sound normal...do i need to worry about what is normal? or worry about what works since this arrangement is just fine? but some of my other friends think it's not fine...are they jealous? is it really not okay? any thoughts?? Ok it doesn't sound like this is a problem for you, but for your friends. Honey its your life, live it like you want to live it. Your friends opinions its just that, its their opinions. We have had times when friends were over all the time, heck we had a friend live in our basement about 4 months too long (5 months total) though during the first month he found out he was deploying so we let him stay rather then find a place only to have to leave it to deploy. This friend will still just waltz right into the house without a knock. Some people just become...family. Which it sounds like this guy is. As long as you feel comfortable, and are getting the time you need with your man, by yourself and with your friends, its all good. The fact that he helps out is a bonus! Score for you. Be happy if you are happy and like the situation. CCL
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 16, 2010 Posted March 16, 2010 Well, it sounded good ... until I read the thread you started less than a month ago where your description of your marriage made it sound like a shambles and of your husband made him sound like a potential abuser with definite anger problems. Maybe having this friend over all the time protects the two of you from "going" to places where you had best not go. Anyway, friend or no friend, the issues you described recently cannot possibly be truly resolved, though it really does sound like both of you are making a good effort and getting results, which is great. Still, I imagine that the real troubles are still lying just below the surface. I am really not a "weightist" or whatever you want to call it, but a weight gain of 100 pounds is very significant. It seems that there are deep issues ... I hope you two address them.
Recommended Posts