I cheated and now I don't know

[emmarayne]

I cheated and now I don't know what to do... help!

 

Recently I was out with a friend and got really drunk which led to me going home with my boyfriend of 4 years' good friend.

 

My boyfriend was not there at the time. His friend and I have always flirted but nothing has happened as he is in a relationship with children as am I. His friend is very different to both me and my partner which I think is why I am so attracted to him. Since I went home with him I can't stop thinking about him.. I want to talk things over so I know where I stand. I have talked to him briefly after the incident and thing are definitely different which we said we would avoid.

 

I really love my partner, he is everything I want and I have never even thought of cheating on him, it was so unexpected! I don't want to tell him because I know he will be so hurt I can't bear it. He has no idea what has happened but I feel so guilty. My partner and I do everything together that I think it was the thrill of being with his friend that made me cheat, sound weird I know!

 

I'm really confused now as I am second guessing our relationship and my relationship with his friend. I am starting to have feelings for him! I kissed him like I did to my boyfriend years ago which I miss dearly.

 

Anyone have any advice, sorry if it's not explained very well but it's all confusing in my head!!!

 

Never felt this way before

[MadMission]

Sever ALL contact with OM.

 

Tell your boyfriend exactly what happened. Be open and honest. And, also assure him that you will never have anything to do with OM again.

 

Your bf will be very upset as this is a double betrayal by possibly his 2 most trusted and closest people in his life.

 

Be there for him.

 

Don't get sucked into an ongoing A with OM. If it is in secret and not a relationship which you can openly enjoy...then it is not even real. Don't be fooled into thinking you and OM have real feelings for each other. What has you hooked is how 'good' OM makes you feel...hot, sexy, desired, special. And, vice versa. Although, I imagine for OM it's an extra ego stroke for him to have 'gotten you.'...a woman who 'belongs' to someone else. That really kicks up the 'high' for some people.

 

Since your actions do not match your words, I suspect that you don't really love your bf...at least right now you don't. Love is not selfish, but respectful, loyal, protective, considerate, etc.

 

IF you think you want a relationship with OM, then LET YOUR BOYFRIEND GO. Do not string him along in this relationship by saying things you do not mean or playing along and acting like his girlfriend...when you are not.

Don't do that to him....it's one of the most hurtful thing you can do to someone.

 

You are either 'with' your bf....OR your're not. Which is it?

HE needs to know.

[MadMission]

ooops! Double post!

Edited March 16, 2010 by MadMission

[nowomanocry]

You are either 'with' your bf....OR your're not. Which is it?

HE needs to know.

 

 

She's with none of them - basically using one poorfella as the doormat while sleeping with others in the mean time.

 

She has to stop contact with the OM and get the doormat back. Be honest and explain what happened before the doormat finds out about it himself and leave the rest to him.

 

What horrifies me most in most cases is that the excuse always is "I was drunk so didn't know what I was doing". Easy innit....In addition, this is not a men's or women's issue. It can happen to anyone from any socioeconomic background, race, colour, religious belief woteva

 

Love is dead, marriage is dead, and most of all, trust is dead.....Let's leave everything and be slaves of our lusts & *** each other till the doomsday comes.

 

For my part, I think apart from a couple of real friends & family I will never ever be able to trust anyone ever again......

[sally4sara]

I cheated and now I don't know what to do... help!

 

Recently I was out with a friend and got really drunk which led to me going home with my boyfriend of 4 years' good friend.

 

My boyfriend was not there at the time. His friend and I have always flirted but nothing has happened as he is in a relationship with children as am I. His friend is very different to both me and my partner which I think is why I am so attracted to him. Since I went home with him I can't stop thinking about him.. I want to talk things over so I know where I stand. I have talked to him briefly after the incident and thing are definitely different which we said we would avoid.

 

I really love my partner, he is everything I want and I have never even thought of cheating on him, it was so unexpected! I don't want to tell him because I know he will be so hurt I can't bear it. He has no idea what has happened but I feel so guilty. My partner and I do everything together that I think it was the thrill of being with his friend that made me cheat, sound weird I know!

 

I'm really confused now as I am second guessing our relationship and my relationship with his friend. I am starting to have feelings for him! I kissed him like I did to my boyfriend years ago which I miss dearly.

 

Anyone have any advice, sorry if it's not explained very well but it's all confusing in my head!!!

 

Never felt this way before

 

Girl! You effed his friend! (Well he isn't much of a friend if he did this with you)

And now you think you have feelings for him?!

If all it takes for you to have feelings for someone is a roll in the hay, you either don't know what love is, or you could find yourself "in love" with any man having a penis.

 

Tell your BF so he can boot the both of you out of his life. Go find a ranch in Nevada to work at so you can "love" all of them.

[Woggle]

Girl! You effed his friend! (Well he isn't much of a friend if he did this with you)

Tell your BF so he can boot the both of you out of his life. Go find a ranch in Nevada to work at so you can "love" all of them.

 

Does this mean what I think it does? This is surprising coming from you.

[bentnotbroken]

You say you have always flirted, so stop telling yourself you never thought about cheating. Being drunk is an excuse to do what was already in your heart. There are a lot of people who get drunk and they don't climb into bed with someone. I have heard abuser use the same excuse, I beat her/him because I was drunk...that's crap. No one can make you do what's isn't already your heart and thoughts.

[sally4sara]

Does this mean what I think it does? This is surprising coming from you.

 

Leave me alone woggle, I'm tired of having to explain everything 3x to you just because I'm female.

[Samantha0905]

I was so drunk once I didn't remember I had had sex with my husband the night before. I mean no recollection of it at all. Just how drunk were you? Were you still drunk when the two of you parted ways afterward? Did the two of you discuss what you had done?

 

This part:

 

His friend and I have always flirted but nothing has happened as he is in a relationship with children as am I. His friend is very different to both me and my partner which I think is why I am so attracted to him. Since I went home with him I can't stop thinking about him.. I want to talk things over so I know where I stand. I have talked to him briefly after the incident and thing are definitely different which we said we would avoid.

 

sounds to me like you may not be in love with your current partner. You may love him, but it sounds like not the kind of love you need to sustain a relationship.

 

I don't know how you tell your boyfriend what went on. You're correct -- the news will devastate him. Perhaps you should just leave him and tell him it's you and you're not happy.

[nowomanocry]

You say you have always flirted, so stop telling yourself you never thought about cheating. Being drunk is an excuse to do what was already in your heart. There are a lot of people who get drunk and they don't climb into bed with someone. I have heard abuser use the same excuse, I beat her/him because I was drunk...that's crap. No one can make you do what's isn't already your heart and thoughts.

 

Indeed, it is the biggest bullox that the cheater say to make him / her look like the victim in every case....

 

I'll second this.....

[nowomanocry]

Perhaps you should just leave him and tell him it's you and you're not happy.

 

She should definitely tell him the truth so that he knows that you basically can not trust anyone in life and that people like the OP exist on this earth so he be wary next time he bumps into another woman like OP

 

Of course if she has the guts to tell him the truth.....

[The Paper Knight]

His friend

 

yeah right... now his biggest enemy, what a f-wit!

 

with children as am I

 

super selfish.

 

I really love my partner

 

clearly not!

 

Anyone have any advice, sorry if it's not explained very well but it's all confusing in my head!!!

 

Never felt this way before

 

If you feel like cheating again, then break-up with your partner and get with his friend - it will last six months.

 

Good-luck

[Space Ritual]

I cheated and now I don't know what to do... help!

 

Recently I was out with a friend and got really drunk which led to me going home with my boyfriend of 4 years' good friend.

 

My boyfriend was not there at the time. His friend and I have always flirted but nothing has happened as he is in a relationship with children as am I. His friend is very different to both me and my partner which I think is why I am so attracted to him. Since I went home with him I can't stop thinking about him.. I want to talk things over so I know where I stand. I have talked to him briefly after the incident and thing are definitely different which we said we would avoid.

 

I really love my partner, he is everything I want and I have never even thought of cheating on him, it was so unexpected! I don't want to tell him because I know he will be so hurt I can't bear it. He has no idea what has happened but I feel so guilty. My partner and I do everything together that I think it was the thrill of being with his friend that made me cheat, sound weird I know!

 

I'm really confused now as I am second guessing our relationship and my relationship with his friend. I am starting to have feelings for him! I kissed him like I did to my boyfriend years ago which I miss dearly.

 

Anyone have any advice, sorry if it's not explained very well but it's all confusing in my head!!!

 

Never felt this way before

 

 

Yeah I have some advice for ya..

 

1. Stop using booze as an excuse for something you obviously wanted to do

its called being responsible for you actions

2. Tell your BF now because you have now lost any right to determine the direction of your relationship.

3. Accept that your BF's "Good Friend" will probably end up getting in a huge fistfight and probably have a black eye, and you are half to blame. So own what you did, move on grow the hell up and let your poor BF go so he can be loved by someone who wont cheat on him and that sure as hell ain't you!

[Disintegration]

You have to be totally honest with your bf. He has every right to know that you were unfaithful. As much as it is going to hurt him that his gf and bf betrayed him, it will bring on more pain if he finds out later than sooner.

 

I think it is also wrong to be flirting with your bf friend. You should have boundaries, but it looks like due to alcohol you've crossed them. Which is not an excuse, it's just an enabler.

[bestplayer]

I cheated and now I don't know what to do... help!

 

Recently I was out with a friend and got really drunk which led to me going home with my boyfriend of 4 years' good friend.

 

My boyfriend was not there at the time. His friend and I have always flirted but nothing has happened as he is in a relationship with children as am I. His friend is very different to both me and my partner which I think is why I am so attracted to him. Since I went home with him I can't stop thinking about him.. I want to talk things over so I know where I stand. I have talked to him briefly after the incident and thing are definitely different which we said we would avoid.

 

I really love my partner, he is everything I want and I have never even thought of cheating on him, it was so unexpected! I don't want to tell him because I know he will be so hurt I can't bear it. He has no idea what has happened but I feel so guilty. My partner and I do everything together that I think it was the thrill of being with his friend that made me cheat, sound weird I know!

 

I'm really confused now as I am second guessing our relationship and my relationship with his friend. I am starting to have feelings for him! I kissed him like I did to my boyfriend years ago which I miss dearly.

 

Anyone have any advice, sorry if it's not explained very well but it's all confusing in my head!!!

 

Never felt this way before

 

u have started having feelings for his friend ?

the easiest solution well be to let ur boyfriend know what happened tell him that u r second guessing ur relationship with him & want to be with his friend . He himself might let u go .

[Jeff1962]

Now that the sex is over, you feel bad. Now you keep thinking of him.

Sheez. You got boned by your bf's best friend. Now his best friend can say ha-ha, I fu**ed your girl. You should be real proud of yourself, as should he. The both of you will make a great couple.

 

I doubt you will be honest with your bf though and tell him. You will probably string the poor guy along and you both will pretend that nothing ever happened.

[bestplayer]

Now that the sex is over, you feel bad. Now you keep thinking of him.

Sheez. You got boned by your bf's best friend. Now his best friend can say ha-ha, I fu**ed your girl. You should be real proud of yourself, as should he. The both of you will make a great couple.

 

I doubt you will be honest with your bf though and tell him. You will probably string the poor guy along and you both will pretend that nothing ever happened.

 

i bet u r right

[The Paper Knight]

I doubt you will be honest with your bf though and tell him. You will probably string the poor guy along and you both will pretend that nothing ever happened.

 

I think telling your partner that you cheated is wrong, as it only helps the guilty person, while the other is left crushed.

 

Just break-up with him or DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN!

 

Also I am going to through this one out there - Men are more loyal and value loyalty a lot more than woman do. This is just survival of the fittest stuff. Men that go for taken women are trash and men that go for their best friends woman are scum.

[Dexter Morgan]

Recently I was out with a friend and got really drunk which led to me going home with my boyfriend of 4 years' good friend.

 

maybe you shouldn't be drinking while hanging out with other guys.

 

then again, being drunk is no excuse, it only helps you do what you'd like to do while sober....but you just didn't have the guts to do.

 

so maybe hanging out with guys you are attracted to should be out of the question...hmmm?

 

 

 

My boyfriend was not there at the time. His friend and I have always flirted but nothing has happened

 

flirting is a sign of attraction and conveying that attraction to the intended recipient. anyone who says there is no hurt in a little flirt is full of crud.

 

 

 

as he is in a relationship with children as am I. His friend is very different to both me and my partner which I think is why I am so attracted to him.

 

then maybe you should leave your bf until you are ready to handle life with someone without acting on your attractions with others.

 

 

Since I went home with him I can't stop thinking about him.. I want to talk things over so I know where I stand. I have talked to him briefly after the incident and thing are definitely different which we said we would avoid.

 

I really love my partner

 

sorry, but no....you don't. If you did, you wouldn't have cheated on him.

 

 

he is everything I want

 

 

apparantly not

 

 

and I have never even thought of cheating on him, it was so unexpected! I don't want to tell him because I know he will be so hurt I can't bear it.

 

 

no, you don't want to tell him because you are a coward. he deserves to know what he is committed to. if you don't tell him you are robbing him of the right to make informed decisions about his life and what kind of person he is exclusive with.

 

 

He has no idea what has happened but I feel so guilty. My partner and I do everything together that I think it was the thrill of being with his friend that made me cheat, sound weird I know!

 

then expect more cheating from you in the future.

 

 

I'm really confused now as I am second guessing our relationship and my relationship with his friend. I am starting to have feelings for him! I kissed him like I did to my boyfriend years ago which I miss dearly.

 

Anyone have any advice, sorry if it's not explained very well but it's all confusing in my head!!!

 

Never felt this way before

 

 

you are the type of person that gets bored with the same person for too awful long. its obvious in what you have written.

 

so what do you do? break up with your boyfriend so he can find somone who isn't fickle and that won't eff him over.

 

Then you can be free to pursue this other guy or whoever you want without any strings attached.

 

or you can disrespect him by staying with him and keeping him in the dark

[Dexter Morgan]

You say you have always flirted, so stop telling yourself you never thought about cheating.

 

very true. she is lying if she says she never thought about cheating if she is showing his friend that she is attracted to him.

[seibert253]

I gonna be shocked if she replies to all the advice she's getting. Probably because it isn't what she wants to hear.

[on1wheel]

Well then she's really not gonna like this, but the truth is the truth:

•you are a horrible person

•you have no morals

•you are a coward

•you should never be in a serious relationship til' U change ur ways

•you & that scumbag friend of your bf deserve each other...you'll just keep cheating on each other

Seems cruel, but intended to be the blunt presentation of the facts as I have read them.

Tell your bf, let him decide whether to kick both of U out of his life; then @ least you will have done one decent thing. One thing that wasn't selfish.

Just so you know, we ALL think about cheating (we don't stop being attracted to the opposite sex just because we're married or in a commited relationship) but those of us with morals simply ignore the urge.

We made promises & we keep them. It's not rocket science U know. The decision to cheat was made in your mind; long b4 your body got excited. You chose to cheat, now chose to admit.

[lkjh]

Look you are not going to do this because A) its the right thing to do and B) its hard and doesn't favor you. You are looking for the easy way out just like everyone in this situation. There is no quick fix, you need to tell your bf

 

He has a right to know

[kevinconner]

You are deep inside the "new relationship experience" now and its messing with your head. Don't worry, they are chemicals that you can't control. And they will fade in time, and then you can start to think about this.

 

If you are really in love with BF, you are in love with the idea that BF would love you no matter what you are. And you are not a bad person. You should think of it this way....if you had a different kind of love with another person, could you see yourself still wanting to hook up?

 

Some say that when a relationship is totally honest and a great fit, the concept of having an affiar really never pops up. You don't put yourself in situations for an affair, and even if it happens you can't wait to go home with your current spouse.

 

There are men on this planet who are like you. They are open to the idea that love comes and goes, and they are always worth coming back to no matter what happens. If this guy will bail, then he is in love with a lie. He only loves the part of you that is 100% faithful but that isn't true.

 

Read this:

 

Your chances of being loved, truly loved, are in direct proportion to your ability and willingness to be honest with your prospective partner about who it is you are. Everything else is just a charade of erecting masks based on who you think people want you to be in the hope they will love that facade. The conceit is that like all false images, it must ultimately fall, consciously or otherwise.

 

If you are incapable of monogamy, for instance, and you admit as much up front, though you run the risk of being rejected out of hand for that admission, what you gain is the opportunity to loved for who you really are, which is one step closer to finding the elusive "true love."

 

I salute anyone who has the inner strength to figure out who they are, the integrity to admit it to prospective partners, and the willingness to submit themselves to public censure, all in the name of finding their own version of something authentic and timeless.

 

You need 2 years to rest, alone, and discover who you are really are inside. Why? You'll end up in the same situation as before if you marry this guy. Why? Because you two complete each other, which is the basis for your relationship as a whole. What you do not know, nor have you had the time to work on, is what you bring to the table on your own. Who you are. You need to develop an inner peace, inner love and confidence on your own.

 

Stop dating and work on yourself first. You can't be co-dependant and change that by hanging out under false images.

[bestplayer]

Confused you say! It is way beyond that. You exhibited behavior of shame and disrepect for all. Where is your self respect? Where is your boundaries? You nor the OM are to be even considered friends of your BF. It is a double folded betrayal. Of course you should come clean and admit your betrayal and do your BF a favor and end the relationship. Because until you find yourself in all of this, you will continue the betrayal and cause more hurt and deception since you seem to be unsure and have little remorse for your actions. At least now show your BF respect and bow out gracefully.

 

I agree , op still seems to be cherishing the time spent with the other man therefore she should end her relationship with her BF